What Unites Us by Dan Rather

 

In these days before the 2020 election I have been reading Dan Rather's What Unites Us, recently released in paperback form. 

I was able to join Politics and Prose Bookstore's Zoom talk with Rather. He was interviewed by Jennifer Steinhauer, whose book The Firsts: The Inside Story of the Women Reshaping Congress I read a few months ago.

Rather lays out the shared values Americans which can become a platform for building consensus in our divided country. 

One person, one vote. The freedom of speech, to dissent; freedom of the press--no matter how flawed. The importance of science and knowledge, even if we disagree over specific ideas. Education. Our desire to be an empathetic people.

Rather hopes his book can be a jumping off place for dialogue, starting a much needed conversation. 

Rather harkens back to his childhood and draws from his years as a journalist. He first defines patriotism as opposed to nationalism and ends with what it means to be a citizen. 

In the Zoom talk, a listener asked Rather if the country has ever been as divided as it is today. He recalled the 1960s when rebellions and nonviolent protests erupted over war and racism. Today, he notes, protests include a broader demographic mix in age, class and ethnicity. 

"I'm a reporter who got lucky, very, very lucky," the eighty-nine-year-old Rather responded to being called a 'national treasure.' His tip for aging well? Rather replied luck, genetics, God's grace, determination, and dedicating one's life to something bigger than yourself, and finding a life companion who sticks with you through thick and thin.

Some of my favorite quotes from the book:

Dissent can sometimes be uncomfortable, but it is vital in a democracy.

Like so many others in our country, I journeyed from ignorance to tolerance to inclusion.

Empathy builds community, Communities strengthen a country and its resolve and will to fight back...I worry that our nation today suffers from a deficit of empathy, and this is especially true of many in positions of national leadership.

I remind myself and others that we have been through big challenges in the past, that it often seems darkest in the present. The pendulum of our great nations seems to have swung toward conceit and unsteadiness once again, but it is in our power to wrest it back. 

Ultimately, democracy is an action more than a belief. The people's voice, your voice, must be heard for it to have an effect.

I voted absentee last month, delivering my ballot to the city hall. 

Please--vote.

Covid-19 Life: Quilts, Books, and News

It was a windy day when the quilters met in the park. I showed my latest quilt top completion, the wind blowing it like a sail! The central block is from Esther Aliu's Little Hazel pattern. I used reproduction fabrics from my stash to complete the top.

When I saw this panel I had to buy it. I did thread work and machine quilting to enhance it. The golden thread really makes the acorns pop!

I got book mail from LibraryThing early reviewer giveaway, Angry Weather by Friederike Otto, looking at the human sources of climate change.

New to my NetGalley shelf

• Beethoven by Laura Tunbridge, a biography through nine of his works
• Girl Explorers by Jayne Zanglein 
• The Dangers of Smoking in Bed by Mariana Enriquez whose Things We Lost in the Fire I reviewed
• The Mission House by Carys Davies whose West I reviewed

Halloween displays have cropped up all over town.

Including at our son's house!

We bought a new kitchen table! It is a retro style chrome and laminate table with a pedestal base. We were able to special order the WilsonArt Betty laminate that is on our countertops!

I bought a new laptop computer for Zooming. I have Zoomed with my library book club and several times with a neighboring library book club. I also am starting to go to virtual author events.

This week we are having a warm wave, with temperatures close to seventy. But soon enough it will be cold. The quilters won't be able to meet in the city park, and we will again Zoom together.

The maple trees turned red and orange early, but the silver maples and oaks are just not yellowing. There are roses in the garden, and the bees still come to the geranium.

We in Michigan have had such a shock learning of the militia plan for a terrorist attack on our elected officials and to kidnap Governor Whitmer. The Republicans have removed the governor's power to mandate protections during the pandemic and local communities are scrambling to create their own requirements. Our county instantly took action, and masks and other protections remain in place. We took our ballets to city hall this week. Now, we pray that anarchist groups don't interfere with at the polls.

Right now, I can hear the national anthem being played at the stadium down the street. Someone practicing on an electric guitar for the high school football game tonight. Flags fly at the field and the DPW and in front yards.

Yet we can not agree what patriotism is in this country. 

I am reading What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism by Dan Rather. Last night I read,

“No one has a monopoly on the truth, but the whole premise of our democracy is that truth and justice must win out. And the role of a trained journalist is to get as close to the truth as is humanly possible. Make no mistake: We are being tested. Without a vibrant, fearless free press, our great American experiment may fail.”― Dan Rather, What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism

So much is at stake. 

A Shot in the Moonlight: How a Freed Slave and a Confederate Soldier Fought tor Justice in the Jim Crow South by Ben Montgomery

"With these facts I made my way home, thoroughly convinced that a Negro's life is a very cheap thing."`~from A Shot in the Moonlight

 

Several years ago I went to a local church to hear a Metro Detroit fiber artist talk about her quilt. The quilt was huge, a stark black with thousands of names embroidered on it. 

April Anue, the artist, told us how God hounded her to make this quilt, and what it cost her, the anguish and tears that accompanied every name she embroidered. She talked about the horror of making the nooses that ornament the quilt.

The 5,ooo names on the quilt are those of African Americans who had been lynched in America between 1865 and 1965. The title of the quilt is Strange Fruit.

Strange Fruit by April Anue

Five thousand human beings, beaten, tortured, and murdered. Anue researched every name, now memorialized for all to read.

In the Jim Crow South there were black Americans who were harassed, beaten, their homes and livelihoods taken from them, their families traumatized; they were denied protection under the law by the authorities and the courts. How many tens of thousands have been forgotten, their names lost?

Ben Montgomery has brought one man back to life. A freed slave whose white neighbors gathered on moonlit night to demand he leave his hard-earned, modest home and farm. Twenty-five men who claimed to be 'friends.' A man who disguised his voice and wore a handkerchief to hide his identity called to him to come out of his home. When this black man had the audacity not to comply, shots bombarded his home, wounding him. And to protect his home and family, this man shot out his window into the crowd, killing a white man.

His name was George Dinning. He fled into the fields to hide as the white men took their fallen comrade away. The next morning, Dinning's house and barn were burned to the ground. George turned himself into the authorities when he heard that he had killed a man.

The story of that night, Dinning's trial, and what happened afterwards is devastating and moving. And, it is perplexing, for the story of Dinning protecting the sanctity of his home brought a surge of support, including that of a prominent veteran of the Confederate Army who built memorials to Confederate heroes while supporting organizations to benefit freed slaves. He was "foremost in work of charity among our race," one black minister said. 

A Shot in the Moonlight  incorporates historic documents in a vivid recreation of the events of that night, the trial, and the unexpected twists of fortune afterward. Dinning stood up to power in the courtroom, asking for reparation for his loss. Everything was stacked against him, and when he was denied justice, a deluge of editorials were printed in his defense.

In his book What Unites Us, Dan Rather talks about building consensus on the shared values we all hold dear. The sanctity of home and a man's right to protect his home and family raised sympathy of for Dinning, for every American could sympathize with protecting one's home and family.   

This is an amazing story of a brave man, a horrendous tale of hate and racism, and a revelation of race relations in America that brought chills and tears. 

I received a free book from Little, Brown Spark. My review is fair and unbiased.

I previous read Montgomery's book The Man Who Walked Backwards: An American Dreamer's Search for Meaning in the Great Depression, which I reviewed here.

A Shot in the Moonlight: How a Freed Slave and a Confederate Soldier Fought for Justice in the Jim Crow South
by Ben Montgomery

Publication January 26, 2021
ISBN-13: 9780316535540 hardcover USD: $28/CAD: $35
ISBN-13: 9780316535564 ebook USD: $14.99 /CAD: $19.99

from the publisher

The sensational true story of George Dinning, a freed slave, who in 1899 joined forces with a Confederate war hero in search of justice in the Jim Crow south. “Taut and tense. Inspiring and terrifying in its timelessness.”(Colson Whitehead, Pulitzer Prize-winning author of The Underground Railroad )

Named a most anticipated book of 2021 by O, The Oprah Magazine

Named a "must-read" by the Chicago Review of Books

One of CNN's most anticipated books of 2021 

After moonrise on the cold night of January 21, 1897, a mob of twenty-five white men gathered in a patch of woods near Big Road in southwestern Simpson County, Kentucky. Half carried rifles and shotguns, and a few tucked pistols in their pants. Their target was George Dinning, a freed slave who'd farmed peacefully in the area for 14 years, and who had been wrongfully accused of stealing livestock from a neighboring farm. When the mob began firing through the doors and windows of Dinning's home, he fired back in self-defense, shooting and killing the son of a wealthy Kentucky family.

So began one of the strangest legal episodes in American history — one that ended with Dinning becoming the first Black man in America to win damages after a wrongful murder conviction.

Drawing on a wealth of never-before-published material, bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize finalist Ben Montgomery resurrects this dramatic but largely forgotten story, and the unusual convergence of characters — among them a Confederate war hero-turned-lawyer named Bennett H. Young, Kentucky governor William O'Connell Bradley, and George Dinning himself — that allowed this unlikely story of justice to unfold in a time and place where justice was all too rare.

About the author

Ben Montgomery is author of the New York Times-bestselling 'Grandma Gatewood's Walk,' winner of a 2014 Outdoor Book Award, 'The Leper Spy,' and 'The Man Who Walked Backward,' coming fall 2018 from Little, Brown & Co. He spent most of his 20 year newspaper career as an enterprise reporter for the Tampa Bay Times. He founded the narrative journalism website Gangrey.com and helped launch the Auburn Chautauqua, a Southern writers collective.

In 2010, he was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize in local reporting and won the Dart Award and Casey Medal for a series called "For Their Own Good," about abuse at Florida's oldest reform school. In 2018, he won a National Headliner award for journalistic innovation for a project exploring police shootings in Florida. He was among the first fellows for Images and Voices of Hope in 2015 and was selected to be the fall 2018 T. Anthony Pollner Distinguished Professor at the University of Montana in Missoula.

Montgomery grew up in Oklahoma and studied journalism at Arkansas Tech University, where he played defensive back for the football team, the Wonder Boys. He worked for the Courier in Russellville, Ark., the Standard-Times in San Angelo, Texas, the Times Herald-Record in New York's Hudson River Valley and the Tampa Tribune before joining the Times in 2006. He lives in Tampa. 

My Favorite Books of 2020

I will have completed over 165 by the end of 2020. I did reach my goal of reading FEWER books than in 2019. (I had read 178 last year!)

My reading was nearly split between fiction and nonfiction. A hearty dose of the fiction books fall into the 'historical fiction' category. I was pleased to read many debut novels.

It is hard to pare down my 'favorite' reads. But, of the books published in 2020, these are some that stand out for me.

Top Favorites

What Unites Us by Dan Rather is inspiring and hopeful, a much needed reminder in a time of discord and division.

Homeland Elegies by Ayad Akhtar is a compelling novel of ideas and insights into the American experience and the hope of America.

I read so many fantastic Biographies this year. I loved the books on John Kennedy and his brother Edward because I learned so much about their development and background and evolution into moral leaders. And the John Lewis biography is a wonderful reminder of his conviction and courage. Every age needs people who struggle with the moral questions of political and social power.

Catching the Wind: Edward Kennedy and the Liberal Hour 1932-1975  by Neal Gabler is the first of a two volume biography.

JFK: Coming of Age in the American Century 1917-1956  by Fredrick Logevall is fantastic! I can't wait for the next volume.

His Truth is Marching On: John Lewis and The Power of Hope by Jon Meacham is a beautiful homage to Lewis.

I also enjoy Memoirs.

I have never been to Kendra Attlework's beloved Miracle Country, but her beautiful writing made me love it, too. 

Jerome Charyn's memoir A Singular Beauty about his mother and growing up in the Bronx was memorable. In 2020, I read more books by Charyn than any other writer: Sargent Salinger, which comes out next month; Cesare; The Secret Life of Emily Dickinson; A Loaded Gun: Emily Dickinson for the 21 Century; and Johnny One-Eye.

As a life-long lover of classical music, I read three books about Music, pianos, and composers!

Beethoven: A Life in Nine Pieces by Laura Tunbridge presented Beethoven through nine pieces of music he wrote. I loved listening to the music as I read.

Chasing Chopin: A Musical Journey Across Three Continents, Four Centuries, and a Half-Dozen Revolutions by Annik LaFarge was a joy to read. 

The Lost Pianos of Siberia by Sophy Roberts is a musical travelogue, the author searching for rare and vintage pianos brought to Siberia. 

I also read many books addressing Current Social Issues.  

I was impressed by The Violence Inside Us by Sen. Chris Murphy. His passion and personal journey struggling with gun violence in America is presented in context of human nature and history.

Tightrope: Americans Reaching for Hope by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn is about Kristof's hometown peers for whom the American Dream became a nightmare.

History not only explains the past, it reveals the present. In perfect timing, Larson's study of Churchill during the Blitz was a marvelous study of leadership in crisis.

The Splendid and the Vile by Eric Larson

Literary fiction is my favorite read. There were so many great books out this year! These are the books that indulge my love for language and show a deep understanding of the human experience.

The Inheritors by Asako Serizawa was often hard to read, always beautifully written, a multi-generational story of a Japanese family.

The Dark Heart of Every Wild Thing by Joseph Fasano is beautiful, powerful, dark and hopeful.

Jack by Marilynne Robinson is her latest Gilead novel, the story of the black sheep son whose very love for an African American woman puts her at risk.

Moss by Kaus Modick is hard to describe, a beautiful and intimate story of an old man as he nears death.

When a child who cannot be categorized suddenly appears in a church, the community struggles to know how to respond in Pew by Catherine Lacey. 

Since I read it in 2019, I nearly forgot Cesare by Jerome Charyn! Which is awful, since it is an unforgettable, madhouse story of the Holocaust.

I read a great deal of Historical Fiction, books that imagine past times and people. It was hard to cull down to my favorites. All have in common immersive writing about human courage.

Jess Walter's book The Cold Millions is about the repression of early union organizers.

Emma Donoghue's novel The Pull of the Stars is about a nurse during the 1918 pandemic.

The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich was inspired by her grandfather's story of Native Americans fighting the termination of their reservation. 

I love to support Debut Novels! This year was especially hard for these writers, unable to promote their work in a traditional way. 

The Mountains Sing by Nguyen Phan Que Mai was her first book in English. It is a multi-generational story of a Vietnamese family.

The Jane Austen Society by Natalie Jenner is a heartwarming story of a community that is brought together through reading.

The All-Night Sun by Diane Zinna was mesmerizing, the story of a woman's search for herself that spins out of control.

Other People's Pets by R. L. Maizes was so much fun! And heartfelt and moving and sweet.

Bronte's Mistress by Finola Austin imagine the woman who caught the heart of Branwell Bronte; she was vilified in Elizabeth Gaskill's biography of Charlotte Bronte; Austin humanizes her.

Godshot by Chelsea Biker is a disturbing, Gothic, propelling story of a girl escaping a cult community.

I enjoy reading Short Stories, and Daniel Mason's A Registry of My Passage on Earth also hits my favorite historical fiction category.

Contemporary Fiction, Women's Fiction, General Fiction--whatever you call it, these are books that reflect our experience today, often focused on personal growth and relationships.

A woman suffers a coma in With You Or Without You by Caroline Leavitt, and she faces many decisions while rebuilding her life.

A woman struggles personal freedom and fulfillment, breaking away from what the men in her life want her to be in The Lives of Edie Pritchard by Larry Watson. 

Afterlife by Julia Alvarez is about grief  and meaning after the loss of a spouse.

Karen Dionne returns to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan for the setting of her Suspense novel The Wicked Sister.

Dystopian, and a climate change novel, Charlotte McConaghy's
Migrations was beautifully written and left me in tears.

What can I suggest for All Ages?

My Bed: Enchanting Ways to Fall Asleep Around the World features Salley Mavor's fantastic art. Adults and children alike will spend hours looking at this book. And, it teaches that children are the same everywhere, in spite of their cultural differences.

When animals talk, we should listen. Jane Smiley's Perestroika in Paris seems merely like a sweet, inter-generational read, but these animals teach us about family and rising from tragedy.

I would love to list every book I read that was published this year! Plus,  I read books this year that don't come out until next year! So, I hope you follow my blog, because I surely want you to know about all the lovely reads that you need to put on your TBR shelf!

Wishing you safe and Happy New Year.

And Baby Makes Three

Gary, me and Chris at his baptism

Our folks had long since given up any hope of grandchildren from us. But now, I was thirty-four and Gary thirty-six years old and we were expecting!

My first doctor at the HMO, a young intern, went berzerk. "Do you know what this means?" he asked. "I'm having a baby," I responded. He went on to tell me all the horrible things that happen to older women, suggesting I needed testing to be sure the baby did not have a birth defect. I said no, I would mother the baby God had given me. I then asked for a new doctor. Our new physician, Anita Darpino, was wonderful.

I, of course, bought or borrowed twenty books on child raising in preparation. We signed up for an expectant parent class and were the oldest people in the room!

We decided to name our baby Christopher if a boy or Elizabeth if a girl. This way our baby could have a nickname, Chris or Beth.

As my pregnancy advanced I made a dress like a tent with a big bow. I discovered some people at work who didn't know me well thought I was just gaining weight.

My work friends held a baby shower for me.

At the baby shower wearing the pregnancy dress I made

Mom held a baby shower for me at her house and then my folks drove the unwrapped gifts to us and gave me a baby shower.

Mom's baby  shower held at my home.
I made the dress. My brother made the toy box.

On July 6 we went to the doctor after work. She said I had another two weeks. I was exhausted. At 10 pm I was in bed and turning off the light when my water broke. I got up and dressed and we went back to the hospital-- where we had just been as my doctor's office was there-- and I was admitted.

Gary had prepared mixed tapes for me to listen to, Gordon Bok and other folk singers we enjoyed. I had a fetal monitor on and every time I rolled on my side to sleep, a nurse woke me up and told me to get on my back. I can't sleep on my back!

The next morning they induced labor. That afternoon Gary told the nurses it was time but they did not believe us because of the monitor readings. Finally, Dr. Darpino arrived and said yep, it was time. Too late for the epidural dose! I was told to wait until the OBGYN arrived. Right.

Around two in the afternoon we had a son. The doctor remarked on two things: I never screamed and our son was born with his eyes open.

Chris one day old

When they placed Chris on my tummy we looked into each other's eyes, too exhausted to move. I fell in love.

Me and Chris

Gary had to return home to take care of P.J. and call our parents. The baby was taken away and the nurses disappeared. During the birth, there must have been a dozen people in the room. Suddenly I was alone. And helpless.

The television above the bed had been turned on and was airing a daytime talk show. It was driving me crazy. It felt like forever before I could get the energy to push the buzzer to call the nurse."Turn that TV off," I demanded, "and turn the air conditioner down--I'm freezing." I was covered with a blanket, the room was now dark and quiet, and I finally got some sleep.

The next day I was sent home although Chris had a high bilirubin count. I had three months pregnancy leave and Gary had a month. Gary waited on me hand and foot. A nurse came to the house and we took Chris to the clinic. Chris was losing weight and I had to give up trying to nurse and use a bottle. We gave him light therapy for jaundice. Soon he improved and rallied, putting on weight until he was in the 98%.

It was hot that July with two weeks straight with heat in the high 90s. I didn't leave the house except to take Chris to the clinic.

Gary took the 11 pm and 2 am feedings and I took the 6 am. By the time Gary returned to work, Chris was sleeping through the night, midnight to 6 am!

Friends from work came to visit me on for 35th birthday.

the girls from the office brought me a birthday party

We researched daycare options for Chris. The affordable ones were horrible, ten babies to one caregiver, and open windows with bees flying in. We found one that had only five babies to a caregiver, but it cost $100 a week.

Gary and Chris. We bought our first computer during my last months of work.

My folks came to visit. Mom planned to stay for two weeks to take care of Chris when I returned to work.  I cried all day my first day back. I missed my baby. I wanted to raise him myself and not miss a second. $79 a week was not a worthwhile tradeoff. I turned in my notice.

My going away card from Vic.

Larry, who is a marvelous cook as well as a talented musician, gave me a going away dinner. I kept in touch with my BOP friends, Chris and I joining my old friends for lunch at the cafeteria.

Gary and I had left FUMCOG and joined the smaller Chestnut Hill UMC where our clergy friend John from MFSA was a pastor. John always gave a sermon to the baby being baptized. It was very memorable and when he returned to parish ministry Gary adopted the tradition. There were a number of young families with preschool children.

Larry called me the 'only married single mother' he knew. Gary was gone so much, and Chris and I were home alone.

I had to walk P.J. with Chris in the stroller. It was time-consuming, taking the stroller down the front steps, then Chris, then returning for the dog. And the door always had to be locked.

Chris was only a few months old when I noted he was imitating language. I always said, "Hi, baby" when I came into his room in the morning. He was saying "I" back at me! And then he was chanting, "E-A" when ever he saw the dog, trying to say P.J.

Pay attention to me! P.J. demanding equal time.

Chris loved that dog but the dog was miffed to have his place as 'baby' usurped. We took P.J. to training and worked to make sure he knew his place in the pecking order.

Chris was very determined. I would check on him at night and see him laying on his back, struggling to sit up, his face red and angry. When he finally could sit up he started crawling soon after. Soon he was going after P.J.'s ball to throw it. He had been watching us play fetch, and he wanted to play with the dog too. Well, when the dog realized that Chris had a purpose, everything was great between them. Chris loved to feed P.J., too.

P.J. intently waiting for Chris to throw the ball

Chris was supposed to be still on the bottle when he started reaching for food I was eating. He first was determined to eat a banana. I bought a mini-blender to make baby food, but what he really loved was rice cereal with babyfood peaches.

Going for groceries was complicated since the local Pathmark didn't allow carts to be taken to the car. I had to leave my groceries in the cart, get Chris into the car, drive the car to the front of the store, park near my cart, and get the groceries into the car. At home, I had to get Chris into a playpen and bring in the groceries.

At nine months Chris was walking, or rather running. And was climbing out of the playpen and the crib. We had to put him in a bed after he climbed out of the crib and became stuck between the crib and the wall!

After grocery shopping one day, I took Chris into the house and returned with the bags. He was running around and fell and hit his head against the edge of the dishwasher. I took him to the doctor's office. Because it was after 5 pm my doctor and usual staff were not there. Chris needed stitches. I was grilled about child safety, and told his shots were not up to date. I panicked thinking I was to be reported to child services for neglect. The next day I called the office and they said that they were catching up on the record keeping and not to worry.

I joined an exercise class at the YMCA, the oldest gal in the class. Chris loved the baby center, especially the metal bus. On our way to the Y, as I strapped Chris into the baby seat, he would make this strange noise. One day we were stopped at a red light I noticed the sound of the motor of the SEPTA bus next to us. Chris was imitating the sound! No wonder he loved that toy bus. Those buses were big, noisy, and exciting. They were like gods to him.

My folks were crazy about their first grandchild, especially Mom. Gary's folks had four grandchildren, all girls, which made my mother-in-law happy since she had all boys. But Chris was the only one to carry on the family name.

Mom and Dad with Chris in the alley behind our house

From the beginning, Chris was around books. I read out loud when he was in the womb, and I had a small library waiting for him. He loved the poetry I read, and the songs I sang with my guitar. "Dig dig krucks" were his love. We read him books about trucks and he would point to a truck and we were to say the name. He was memorizing them. At the local CVS, passing the toy area, he would reach for the plastic model trucks.

Mom reading to Chris

Chris never wanted to go to bed at night, staying up until midnight.As an infant, he would fall asleep in the swing but woke when it stopped. I would put him to bed and sing him to sleep but he would wake up again. I finally stopped putting him down for naps and he was able to get to sleep around 8:30 pm.

I was always singing, making up songs, and making up stories. Chris would tell me what he wanted to hear about. He loved a story about Dan, Dan the Purple Van and stories about P.J.'s adventures.

Pastor John and his wife had a son a few months after Chris was born. John suggested a plan: we would take turns babysitting the other's child once a week. That way we had some free time.

I walked Chris in the stroller to CVS and to the library in downtown Olney. We brought home 15 books a week. We passed a park but the ground was littered with broken glass and I couldn't let him play there.  A homeless lady had a grocery cart and hung around the main street. One day she threw glass soda bottles at us. 

The little girls on our street all came to see Chris. The little boys had flattened cardboard where they practiced break dancing and Chris liked to watch them.

When I walked the dog and Chris, strangers passing by gave us a wide berth, eyeing P.J. warily. Yes, I always agreed, he was a miniature Doberman. P. J. made us feel safe.

Chris loved to eat at Roy Roger's restaurant. They had the best kids meal toys.

Larry was our first baby-sitter. In exchange, I came in as a 'ringer' in his church choir for their annual concert. I also met a teenage girl fundraising for the school orchestra. She lived in a nearby apartment building, living with several generations of her of Korean immigrant family. I hired her to babysit now and then.

Gary only saw Chris for an hour at the end of the day and weekends when he was not traveling. Chris loved him, but thought all bearded men were 'Daddy'. So there was Daddy (Gary), and Daddy John (the church pastor) and Daddy Raffi (the singer of children's songs; Chris loved his video).

Gary knew he needed to be more active in Chris's life. He talked about returning to the parish ministry and I supported him. He contacted the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference and said he was open for appointment.

His boss at UMCOR tried to talk him out of it, suggesting she could find me a job at the Board of Global Ministries, and we could enroll Chris in the child care center at Riverside Church, and buy a home in Englewood Cliffs, NJ. I knew that would never work. Chris was often ill with sinus infections and ear infections, sometimes being ill two weeks out of four. Plus, I knew we could not deal with a baby on a tight schedule that required driving in NYC traffic.

A friend from the conference told Gary he wanted him in his district. One option was discussed in Bucks County but the Cabinet appointed another man. In the meantime, we explored returning to Michigan to be near family. My mom was flying to visit us, or paying for Chris and me to fly to Michigan, every few months. I knew how much it would mean to our folks, and to Chris, for them to be closer.

Dad with Chris on a visit to Michigan.

Gary opted to request a transfer to the West Michigan Conference, the largest supporter of UMCOR. He was invited to meet a church in Hillsdale, MI. The pastor had left the ministry and they had been without a pastor for several months.

We flew out to Michigan, left Chris with my parents, and drove to meet the church. There were some red flags which we should have noted, but we were just so glad to be able to return to Michigan that we did not consider the implications. The idea of bringing Chris up in a small town, in a ranch house with a huge yard, seemed like a dream come true. And our folks were a few hours drive away.

We were found buyers for our house. Gary gave notice and I started packing up. We sold a good chunk of our library to the Princeton used book store for $500. Larry hosted a good-bye party at his house with my BOP friends.

In May 1989 we moved. We had been in our house for seven years. Chris was 22 months old.