Theft By Finding by David Sedaris

"In the U.K., if you discover something of value and keep it, that's theft by finding."

I kept a diary for long periods in my life. So, I like to read diaries. I read Samuel Pepys' diary. It took me two years. I read it in bed so every night the last line I read was usually, "And so to bed."

I thought it would be great to read David Sedaris's diaries. I have read several books by Sedaris and I've heard him on the radio. The first book I read was on recommendation by a library staff person.

I was living in a teeny rural town where the police chief had his own untrained militia and was armed with ex-military weapons, including a Hummer. I heard the KKK left flyers on driveways. The local church was splitting because the denomination was not strongly anti-abortion and anti-gay and anti-anything else progressive liberal. I went to the library and asked for funny books to raise my spirits, and I was given Holidays on Ice.

Its no wonder funding to libraries has been on the cutting block under the current administration.

Consquently, I should have known what I was getting into when I requested Theft by Finding, excerpts from his 156 volume diary kept between 1977 and 2002.

I had no idea.

"What I prefer recording at the end...of my day are remarkable events I have observed.."

And he has observed some pretty strange events.

At times I thought, what did I get myself into? Other times I laughed out loud, but no way was I going to tell anyone what was so funny. It's  embarrassing to laugh at something so incorrect.

And yet, I realized, Sedaris's stories were, well, pretty believable for all their bizarreness. I lived in Philadelphia and seen some pretty weird stuff myself. But that's another story.

Also, Sedaris has some pretty spot-on insights.

One of my favorites is from November 17, 1987, Chicago. The police had caught a man who had smashed windows and painted swastikas on Jewish businesses. He was a skinhead with tattoos, Sedaris writes,"which is strange, I think, because Jews in concentrations camps had shaved heads and tattoos. you'd think that anti-Semites would go for a different look."

His self-knowledge is also commendable. On January 26, 1999, in Paris, he is called a misogynist. "No," I corrected her, "I'm not a misogynist. I'm a misanthrope. I hate everyone equally."

Sedaris is thoughtful. On December 31, 1998, he wrote that his dad, visiting him in Paris, had the evening before leaned near a candle and set his hair on fire. He wrote, "This morning we went to buy him a hat." Such a good son. Helping Dad keep his dignity by covering up the scorched hair.

In his forward, Sederis suggests readers peruse the book, sampling here and there, now and then. Good luck with that. Frankly, it's hard to put down.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

"Raw glimpses of the humorist's personal life as he clambered from starving artist to household name... though the mood is usually light, the book is also a more serious look into his travails as an artist and person... A surprisingly poignant portrait of the artist as a young to middle-aged man." —Kirkus (starred review)

Theft By Finding
David Sedaris
Little, Brown & Co.
Publication May 30, 2017
$28 hardcover
ISBN: 9780316154727

The Power of Words: Fobbit by David Abrams

For some time I have followed David Abram's blog The Quivering Pen and now I follow him on Twitter. The Other Joseph and American Copper were books I won from his weekly giveaway.  When I saw his book Fobbit in the local bookstore, one lone copy sitting on the shelf, I knew it meant for me; it was time I read Abram's book. Being bogged down with reviews and book club readings it sat on my TBR shelf a few weeks until Memorial Day. It seemed the right time, and setting aside the other four books I was reading, I started Fobbit.

Back at Adrian College, in my sophomore year, I signed up for a 400 level English class on Modern Literature. That year the course focused on Black Humor. I had no idea what that meant.

Our reading list included Henderson the Rain King by Bellow, Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse Five, Barth's The Floating Opera and Sot Weed Factor, and Heller's Catch-22. These books knocked my socks off. I had never read anything like them before. And reading Fobbit I realized it had been a long time since I had read Black Humor.

Fobbit ’fä-b t, noun. Definition: A U.S. soldier stationed at a Forward Operating Base who avoids combat by remaining at the base, esp. during Operation Iraqi Freedom (2003–2011). Pejorative.

The novel is inspired by Abrams' career in the army as a Fobbit working at a Forward Operating Base during the Iraq war. Like his character Staff Sgt. Chance Gooding, Jr. Abrams worked in PR, spinning the news from Iraq to conform to the changing goals of the military.

The characters are Dickensian, full of absurd characteristics; Lt. Col. Harkleroad is prone to nosebleeds under stress, Lt. Col. Vic Duret zones out into daydreams of his wife's breast, and Capt. Abe Shrinkle, who nearly wets his pants under attack, makes up tales of his heroism in his letters to his mother. I laughed out loud. Abrams can be very funny. (His character's names are, too.)

The power of words informs the book. Starting with Gooding, whose job in public affairs involves turning "the bomb attacks, the sniper kills, the sucking chest wounds, and the dismemberments into something palatable--ideally, something patriotic--that the American public could stomach as they browsed the morning newspaper with their toast and eggs." Abrams goes on to clarify, "Good's weapons were words, his sentences missiles."

There are scenes of horrible violence that show the absurdity of war. Harkleroad has the worst judgment and creates one PR problem after another. Including shooting an strangely behaving Iraqi only to find the deceased was mentally ill and blowing up a military vehicle rather than leaving it for the enemy to find, setting off a fire that leaves another Iraqi civilian dead.

Gooding's job is to write up the PR report, twisting the raw truth into military approved pablum.
He has mastered KIA press releases. The problem is getting the higher-ups to approve them.
Meantime, the news media reports eye witness accounts.

Gooding turns out a PR, his superior Harkleroad puts a spin on it. Gooding rewrites the PR. Harkleroad gets a stress nosebleed and suggests punching it up "with a few adjectives here and there," suggesting "they responded with lightning-like speed and efficiency" to play up the Iraqi forces' role. Gooding rewrites the PR. Harkleroad finally hits the "send" button. By then the news is so old that the Associated Press return message is "Stale News." On CNN an eyewitness is already telling the world what happened. "Where the heck did they get that information," Harkleroad moans. "They were there, sir," Gooding replies.

A catastrophe occurs; thousands of Iraqi pilgrims are crowding around a mosque when someone shouts, "he's got a bomb." Panic ensues. In the chaos of fleeing humanity, a bridge breaks and topples hundreds into the water. More people die in the incident than had died the entire previous month. "It was the shout that killed, the words that had devastated more than any shrapnel or flames could ever do."

What we say is never objective, we all have something to sell. Everything is slanted. The military reports, the news, television, advertising. Words are, always have been weapons, tools that when well used can lead thinking, prompt responses, create need or inspire rejection.

At the end of the novel Gooding has reached the limit, realizing "no matter how many words we put on pieces of paper, it's all useless in the end because those press releases just wind up as some editor's paper basketball arcing through the air into a wastebasket in a newsroom somewhere in South Dakota."

The novel is black comedy, considering the horror of war and the challenges of military life through the lens of satire--because we really don't want to hear about it straight.

Fobbit
by David Abrams
Grove Atlantic/Black Cat
$15 paperback
ISBN:978-0-8021-2032-8