The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

Holy Week. When the enemies have decided to gather at the gate. Attack is on. I think I will stay home. Someone should stay battle-scar-free. To care for the wounded. ~ April 16, 2014

Six years ago, I wrote that on my Facebook timeline. A few months later my husband retired after spending over 30 years of his 38-year career as a parish minister.

We are different people now. I can be outspoken when I want to be, although diplomatic phrasing of my opinion has become a force of habit. Our home is a private sanctuary without yearly walk-through inspections and we can repair and upgrade without trustee approval. We are not required to attend social gatherings or bring a casserole to potluck dinners.

Our roles had run our lives. And my husband bore the weight of hundreds of souls, and the bickering and power plays, the groupies and the critics.

It is a life that few write about realistically. The narrative is dominated by idealized, charming stories and cult horror memoirs.

"A minister," she said. "It seems useful, doesn't it? It seems like a pleasant way to spend a day."~from The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

I was interested in reading The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall when I learned it concerned the relationship between two pastors and their wives.

Wall's characters come from different backgrounds and experiences.

There is the scholarly Charles who accidentally stumbles upon faith and holds it without question. Suffering a devastating loss, Lily angrily rejects the idea of God or 'a plan,' and the reliability of happiness rooted in others. Charles pursues Lily, in spite of her rejection.

There was only circumstance and coincidence. Life was random, neutral, full of accidents...the prerequisite for love was trust; and Lily did not trust anything. ~from The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

Nan is a Pastor's Kid with a naive and untested faith. James escapes his dysfunctional environment with a scholarship to university. His interest in Nan brings him to church. He struggles to believe while embracing the pastoral call as a vehicle to address societal problems.

"I may not believe in God, but I believe in ministry." ~James in The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

Charles and James represent the pastoral and the prophetic roles and are hired by Third Presbyterian Church in a coministry. They balance each other. When parishioners complain that James was "asking us to change views we've held all our lives," Charles replys, "That's what you hired him to do."

The wives are a different story. Lily pursues a PhD and academic career and leaves the traditional, constricted role of pastor's wife to Nan. Their differences are further shown when Nan is devastated by miscarriages and Lily struggles with an unwanted pregnancy--twins.

One of the twins is born with autism, leading Charles to depression while Lily crusades to find the best life for her son. James steps up with a life-changing idea.

The couples become a remarkable community, learning from each other and changing each other. Their story is a microcosm of how the church should work.

****

There was only one call. They were, the four of them, married to each other, in a strange way.~ from The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

Casey Cep's review in the New York Times wrote, "Rather than seeming like two ministers, James and Charles sometimes read as if the pastoral teachings of Henri Nouwen and the political theology of Reinhold Niebuhr were fighting for control of one parish..."

I was intrigued by the identification of the characters with the theologians Nouwen and Niebuhr, both of whom I have read. 
But I did not see Charles and James as 'fighting' for control as much as the parishioners splitting over their differing messages and styles.

In our experience in the itinerant ministry, where pastors with differing styles follow each other, some section of the parish will reject the incoming pastor for not being the previous pastor. Humans have a preference for leaders who align with their set of personal beliefs and reject those who offer a different perspective.

I have known pastors like James. We joined the Methodist Federation for Social Action in the mid-1970s. Some pastors  took controversial actions. Ending the nuclear arms race was an important issue at the time and people were chaining themselves to the gates in protest. Men who became pastors during Vietnam and the Civil Rights era carried their message throughout their career, even when the church had become more conservative politically and religiously, resulting in rejection.

I do not agree with Cep when she writes, "Instead of discussing soteriology or theodicy or even Jesus, they talk in the blanched terms of bad things and good people, even with one another."

Sure, at seminary classes we talked about soteriology and eschatology and all the other 'ologies'. (I audited six classes over three years.) But real-life pastoral ministry is about leadership, team building, financial planning, budgeting, pastoral care, listening, crisis management, and the nuts and bolts of running a nonprofit organization run by volunteers. People want answers to real life issues not theology talks. Like why does God allow bad things to happen to good people.

****

I had to wonder how Wall came to understand the 'inside story' of ministry.

In an article, I learned that Wall’s small town, Nazarene,  parents moved to New York City where they became a part of the First Presbyterian Church, the model for the church in her novel. The church had a history: it was here that Rev. Harry Emerson Fosdick's radical ideas riled dissent and led to his resignation. He moved on to Riverside Church.

First Presbyterian had two ministers. “The ministers I grew up with at First Presbyterian were very dynamic and charismatic,” Wall says. “We were close to them."

Learn more about the novel here, where you can listen to an excerpt and hear Walls speak about her novel. 

I purchased an ebook. 

Standard Deviation by Katherine Heiny

Standard Deviation by Katherine Heiny was our library book club pick this month. The response from the group reflected the response in my own household: my husband disliked the book and I laughed my way through it.

The characters Graham and Audra are hilarious, Graham so staid and passive and Audra so extroverted as to be an embarrassment to her husband. Audra is oblivious to the consequences of her impulsive decisions, leading to many awkward moments of great comedy. Their son Matthew has Asperger's syndrome and enjoys origami. His parents support his interest and help him become involved with an origami group full of people as unique. Audra fosters Graham's relationship with his ex, the perfectionist ice queen Elspeth, even though Audra was the cause of their break-up.

All kinds of people are invited by Audra into their lives, adding to the discord and the source of much laughter for readers. Favorite scenes include a disastrous Thanksgiving dinner and Audra's discussion with a priest about God and the stock market.

Most of the group enjoyed the novel but thought it was "forgettable," perhaps a three-star read. We did appreciate the insights into Asperger's and Graham's coming to terms with his son's condition.

I enjoyed the novel as a comedy of manners and as an exploration of marriage and parenting. And it made me laugh, page after page.

Twisted Tales: Bitter Orange by Claire Fuller and Siracusa by Delia Ephron

On Halloween, I started Bitter Orange by Claire Fuller. It was described as atmospheric and was compared to Daphne du Maurier's classic Gothic romance/psychological thriller Rebecca.

I had to set the novel aside for a day because I was having trouble with my vision. Meanwhile, we took a trip across state and while driving we listened to the audiobook Siracusa by Delia Ephron. I have been waiting for this chance to listen to it ever since I won the audiobook from First Look Book Club several years ago!

The novel is told in four voices so an audiobook was a terrific way to 'read' the book. Talia Balsam, Katie Finneran, Darren Goldstein, and John Slattery were the readers. They did a great job! Each character was distinct in personality.

Two couples take a joint vacation trip to Italy including Siracusa. New Yorkers Michael (a Pulitzer-winning playwright) and Lizzie (a magazine writer) and Taylor and Finn, Lizzie's ex-boyfriend who runs a restaurant in Portland, Maine, and their beautiful and strange daughter Snow.

The relationships are revealed to all be troubled. Taylor has boundary issues with her daughter and has frozen Finn out. Michael is a natural charmer (and womanizer) whose attention to Snow results in a crush. Lizzie loves Michael but feels he is married to his work.

Creepy! Addictive! And I had to laugh out loud as these characters reveal their pettiness and limited self-understanding and lack of understanding of their partners. The foreshadowing was quite strong and we had a hunch about the ending, which turned out to be on target and quite shocking.

But what a perfect book for an eight-hour car trip across back country roads and expressways in November. It was entertaining and had us discussing the characters and plot.

Bitter Orange by Claire Fuller 

Back home, I picked up Bitter Orange again. I ended up reading half the book in one evening. Yes, I stayed up too late but had to finish it.

On her deathbed, Frances Jellico believes she is being pressured by a Vicar to tell the truth of what really happened over a hot summer in 1969 when she was hired to evaluate the gardens of a crumbling 1740s c. English country house.

At thirty-nine. Frances had led a narrow life caring for her incapacitated, critical, and recently deceased mother. Grateful for the work, Frances arrived at the house to discover a man about her age and a younger women already staying there. Peter was hired to evaluate the house and furnishings. His companion Cara is beautiful and emotionally unstable. Frances is curious about their lives.

"I know of course right from wrong. My father, Luther Jellico, had instilled it into me before he left and then Mother had continued in her way: payment will always be due for any wrongdoing, don't lie or steal, don't talk to strange men, don't speak unless spoken to, don't look your mother in the eye, don't drink, don't smoke, don't expect anything from life." from Bitter Orange by Claire Fuller

The house showed abuse and destruction from the soldiers stationed there during WWII, rooms empty and everything in disrepair. Strange things happen in the house, including the interactions between a protective Peter and volatile Cara.

Peter and Cara draw Frances into their carefree existence, setting aside their work for picnics with wine and smoking cigarettes and even a nude swim. Cara tells Frances her tragic story while Peter asks Frances to help him keep tabs on the mercurial Cara.

The local Vicar warns Frances to escape their influence.

It is too late, for these people are caught in a web of lies and fantasy that unravels with fatal consequences.  And Frances accepts that "Payment will always be due."

Read an article by Fuller on Haunted Houses in fiction at
https://clairefuller.co.uk/2018/10/31/a-spine-tingling-reading-list-of-haunted-house-novels/

The "Unmentionable" Revealed: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners

Therese Oneill made my week: I was down for the count, having lost to a marauding virus. I was not sure I could manage anything more demanding than sit-com reruns...until I decided to check out this scandalous-looking book, aptly named Unmentionable.

LOL! Yep, I was laughing out loud in spite of having a head about the size of a pumpkin and a throat redder that St. Nicholas' coat.

Women have sighed and longed for the glamour and elegance of high Victorian days, or the diaphanous, Greek inspired gowns of Austen; a time when men where men and girls were girls--- Get real, Oneill warns, and with a series of essays drawing from historical documents and 19th c books, she delineates what life was really like two centuries ago.

1841 Graham's Magazine. Those dresses were never washed.

Chapters cover every aspect of female experience, from arsenic in beauty products and crotchless pantaloons, to 'female problems' and the hysteria that results from 'female problems'. And we learn what men wanted--and didn't want-- from their women and wives. With running gags (don't chew on your umbrella handle!) readers are addressed with irreverent familiarity.

Consider some of the chapter heads:

• Getting Dressed: How to Properly Hide Your Shame 
• Bowels into Buckets
• Menstruation: You're Doing it Wrong
• Birth Control and Other Affronts to God
• The Secret Vice: "Where Warts and Tiny Nipple Come From"

The limits imposed on ladys were strict. Without a man or an older woman companion, a woman could not be trusted to walk down the street. And once allowed out of the house, there were injunctions against window shopping, greeting friends from across the street, and carrying your own money. You never raised your skirt, even when wadding through piles of manure.

At least a gal could use her handkerchief to communicate: dropping it in front of a man invited friendship; twirling it connoted indifference; and drawing it across the check meant love. Fans, parasols, and gloves were also eloquent vehicles---for those with guidebooks for interpretation.

Great-Great-Grandmother Elizabeth Hacking Greenwood,
 looking very exhausted but elegant. She had 7 children, most of whom,
like their dad, worked in the cotton mills.

Dr. Kellogg especially gets a rightful bum rap for misunderstanding females, but he is not alone. Male doctors thought they knew everything. Consider the ideal of the uterine orgasm, when the uterus convulses to meet the male organ, or the advice for women to lay on their back with their legs stretched out flat because all 'unnatural positions' lead to serous injury!

Great-Great-Grandmother Ramer, later mother

to eight children plus raising some of

her husband's eight children from his first marriage!

At least Kellogg advised against marital rape and believed mothers prepare daughters for 'marriage and its duties'.

When you married a man you hardly knew, and failing to be a paragon of ideal womanhood, lost his interest to another woman, what could you do? A 1840  book offered the example of a good wife who outfitted the mistress's flat in a style befitting her husband's status, then arranged an annuity to the other woman when hubby gave her up!

Illustrated throughout, with nothing left to the imagination, women are reminded of how good we have it over the Crinoline Ladies of yesteryear.

What we imagine the 19th c was like...

You will be glad the information Oneill imparts is veiled in humor, for the indignities of Victorian age female life is horrifying. Women today still face inherited prejudices and attitudes.

But at least our undies have crotches.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

Unmentionable
Therese Oneill
Little, Brown, and Company
Publication October 25, 2016
$25 hard cover
ISBN: 9780316357913