Surrendering My Ordination: Standing Up for Gay and Lesbian Inclusivity in the United Methodist Church

In 2017, Philip J. Wogaman surrendered his ordination after serving for 60 years as a United Methodist Church (UMC) pastor and educator. This book is his apology--a reasoned argument in justification of his action.

When Wogaman saw an outstanding candidate for ordination denied a hearing because she was married to another woman he could no longer "remain inside the association of clergy when someone like her must remain outside and even be stigmatized."

Over my husband's entire career as an ordained UMC minister, spanning from 1972 when he was a seminary student to his retirement in 2014, the UMC has struggled to agree on key social issues.

My husband was in seminary when the first Social Principles was created by the UMC church. It included the statement that "self-avowed practicing homosexuals" were excluded from candidacy for ordination. Homosexuality was described as "incompatible with Christian teaching." A friend left seminary knowing his sexual orientation meant he would not be accepted for ordination.

The world has changed in its understanding of human sexuality--even Wogaman admits his understanding has grown. But the UMC, unlike other mainline denominations, remains entrenched in excluding homosexuals. (And yet there is nothing in the principles regarding other sexual orientations such as bisexual or transgender persons!)

There is no reference to the specific teaching the principle is based on, so it appears to represent the kind of societal prejudice that influenced church polity to segregate African Americans.

Wogaman considers the theological, ethical, and pastoral meaning of ordination and describes the high standards of qualifying for ordination in the UMC.

Ordination candidates are asked a series of questions including if they are "going on to perfection"--which Wogaman understands as 'perfection in love.' Pastoral ministry is essentially comforting the afflicted, being present in times of need, reminding that God and his people care. Ordination makes one a representative of the entire church, called to love and care in the name of the church, the hands and heart of Jesus and God in action. Pastoral ministry as spiritual leadership brings God's love to the individual and to the entire community.

Wogaman identifies racism as heresy and condemns the construction of barriers to God as collective sin. For example, barring women from ordination was based on cultural bias and not a theological principle.

He affirms that God's creation is inherently good and that all human life is a gift from God and that we are all equal in value. He identifies sin as putting one's self-interest first, self-centeredness instead of God-centeredness. But grace is always there to be claimed, not earned and never denied.

"...being secure in God's love, we can act not out of fear but out of love. We are free to be what God intends us to be. We are not slaves to divine or human law but free and responsible human beings who can act lovingly and creatively."

The church is a human institution and clergy are flawed human beings. Consequently, decisions made by the institution must be challenged when legalism is protected and are not grounded in the law of love.

Biblical literalism and proof-texting (the quotation of scripture out of context) leads to bad theology and bad church law.

"...we are driven, in our uses of Scripture and tradition, to distinguish those aspects of the writing that are basic to our faith from other aspects that are limited by cultural views and historical conditions."

A story about John Wesley who founded the movement called Methodism patterns disobedience to human law in light of the call to share God's love.

Wesley was an Anglican priest who went to the people, preaching in the fields. A Bishop told Wesley he was not commissioned to preach in his diocese. Wesley "replied that he must preach 'the gospel wherever I am in the habitable world,'" a "priest of the Church Universal." Would he break the law? And Wesley replied, "Shall I obey God or man?"

The book is like a crash-course in Christian theology: grace vs legalism; the Book of Discipline wielded as law and limiting the outreach of God's grace and love; spiritual piety being manifested in love of neighbor and a passion for justice; free will; sin; the heresy of excluding groups as outside of God's love.

In the second part, Wogaman shares his personal journey and what led him to his decision, including the theological, ethical, and pastoral considerations.

A life-long United Methodist, Wogaman earned his Ph.D. degree in social ethics, taught at seminaries, became a Social Justice activist, and served as pastor at Foundry UMC where he was the pastor to President Clinton. He was elected to the General Conference four times, part of the world-wide group that sets the agenda and standards for the denomination.

In 2017 the Judicial Council had to rule if Karen J. Oliveto's election to bishop by the Western Jurisdiction was legal considering she was in a same-gender marriage. The church law that excludes "self-avowed practicing homosexuals" as clergy created a "don't ask, don't tell" environment and unless a pastor admitted they were a "practicing homosexual" involved with "physical acts" it was assumed the pastor was in compliance with church law. In 2017 the Judicial Council declared that being in a same-gender marriage was an admission of being a "practicing homosexual." Read my review of her book Together at the Table here.

Wogaman was alarmed by the reiteration of the undefined clause, "incompatible with Christian teaching." He knew it was time for action and not just talk.

"...I must acknowledge that there are times when pastoral responsibility must preempt church law..."

Finally, Wogaman addresses "A Way Forward" considering the divided church options and shares the 2019 General Conference proposal for resolving the issue.

Wogaman's book was an interesting read. I was thankful that I audited seminary courses and could keep up with the theological arguments. I saw one reviewer comment they were disappointed in a lack of scriptural arguments, but I disagree. Wogaman does not 'proof text' but shows a deep understanding of scripture.

As a clergy wife, I did not shrink from answering questions on homosexuality, even writing a response to a local newspaper editorial. My husband's ministry was focused on the pastoral, but as a lectionary preacher, he raised up the importance of social piety and the law of love. His favorite scripture was Micah 6:8--"And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

What is just and kind? I think of our seminary friend who dropped out. We did not know then the reason behind his decision. We three spent many evenings together, drinking teas and listening to records. He was sad, we knew, but not the real reason. The church he loved had made it clear he was excluded, rejected, anathema.

In 2019 the denomination has a decision to make. The UMC is a worldwide organization and some countries will reject inclusion of homosexuals as clergy. Will the split finally be realized? Can we agree to disagree, and build on the pivotal beliefs of our faith and move forward together?

I received a free ebook from the publisher in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

Surrendering My Ordination
J. Philip Wogaman
Westminster/John Knox Press
ISBN 9780664264178
PRICE $15.00 (USD)

Schism & Recovery: Two Years in Delton

June, 2010 we moved again, to a town with under 900 people. The closest city was Hastings and most people worked in Battle Creek or Kalamazoo. A local attraction was the Gilmore Car Museum in Hickory Corners. Not far was the Kellogg Bird Sanctuary, recreation areas, lakes, and even a casino. Gary's mother as a teen had spent summers at a church camp on nearby Gull Lake.

Kara and Suki

We really thought that Faith UMC in Delton would be our last appointment before retirement. We were not excited to be in an even smaller town than we had lived in before but we went in with a positive attitude. The upside was being closer to Clawson and Gary's father.

Faith UMC, Delton, MI

Our doggies took the move well. When they found a huge linen closet with piles of rugs and blankets on the floor waiting to be put away, Kara led the way to stake a claim. He and Suki moved in, happy as can be. As puppy mill dogs, they were used to intimate spaces. We gave them a bowl of water and they kept out of the way as we settled in.

Suki and Kara staked out this closet for their bedroom

A nice lady from the church volunteered to paint the parsonage. She became a good friend. The parsonage was a 1970s, two level house with a home office, three bedrooms, a bath and a half, and finished, if dated, basement where I set up my sewing room.

The Delton parsonage with the church in the background

The house was surrounded by open land next to the church complex, a huge mown area enclosed by a farm field, with a wooded marshy area beyond that.

 wheat field view from our deck 

The wheat field was very beautiful. Only later did I wonder about drift from chemical applications to the field. Now that I know about these things, I am concerned about the safety of the parsonage so close to farmland.

Sandhill Crame in the mown wheat field

Sandhill Crane came by the hundreds. A family came in the spring and summer. After the wheat was mown, they came to feed. And in the fall they gathered by the thousands before flying South.

Sandhill Crane on the wing

Our dogs loved the open field! We had Suki on a 100-ft rope but Kara we could let run as we could always catch him. Kara loved to sit outside in the sun and Suki was happy, with her tail held high.

Kara enjoying the sunshine

Suki blossomed. For a dog who had been afraid outside of four walls, she loved running as fast as she could. We trained her on a 100 foot rope; she would lag behind me so she could run the full extension. I removed the rope when I thought she had learned her 'territory'. She would run around the field, and then run to my side, smacking into me. She would lean against me and let me pet her. This was huge for our shy, damaged dog.

Suki loved running free, fast as the wind

The dogs loved playing with a dog that lived across the street, Jack. Whenever Jack's owner saw us out he brought Jack over to play.

Starlings

There was always something new. One day I found a rare salamander in the field. I saw a murmuring of starlings one fall. Another day I watched a hot air balloon take off! The sunsets were glorious.

Hot air ballon

Central UMC in Muskegon held a quilt show and asked me to bring quilts. I had completed my original quilt I Will Lift My Voice Like a Trumpet while there. This was its first showing. In 2013 it appeared in the American Quilt Society shows in Grand Rapids, MI and Lancaster, PA.

I Will Lift My Voice Like a Trumpet, by Nancy A. Bekofske

Also in the show was my crayon tinted and embroidered Children of the World quilt, a vintage newspaper series pattern.

 And my Little Women quilt, the pattern by Marion Cheever Whiteside Newton and sold in 1952.

Little Women by Nancy A. Bekofske, left

My Pride and Prejudice quilt, my original Story Book quilt inspired by Newton's patterns, and Cranes in Winter also were in the show.

Pride and Prejudice Story Book Quilt by Nancy A. Bekofske, left
Cranes in Winter, right.

And Remember the Ladies, my First Ladies redwork quilt, and Autumn leaves.

Remember the Ladies and Autumn Leaves by Nancy A. Bekofske

It did not take long for Gary to learn about some issues of contention that had been simmering in the church for years. He did note in the meet and greet that the church officials did not support the United Methodist mission board, where Gary served as the committee on relief disaster response secretary. Instead they supported a mission board from another denomination that focused on evangelism, not relief. By October the issues became apparent.

Gary was approached by church leaders about his stance on several divisive social issues and asked if he would support and join the group's resistance to the denomination, even if he would be willing to lead the church in separation from the denomination. He would not, and that meant he was the 'enemy'.

Over the next months it came out that twenty years previous a charismatic preacher had brought in members from a more conservative denomination and when he retired this group was never happy with succeeding pastors. They had assumed leadership over the years. They attended a second praise service. They ran an organization that helped unmarried pregnant women, providing support and baby layettes and supplies. The group was against abortion and this was their outreach to support their values. Gary supported this ministry as reflective of the congregation's core values.

My husband answered questions put forth honestly and Gary's views were considered too liberal. One of the most irate leaders attacked Gary and his sermons during Sunday School in the church building. The virulence and anger all landed on Gary.

The group wanted to leave the denomination but keep the churc--building and membershp--and the investments and everything else.

The Bishop sent people to meet with the congregation in open meetings. First, to explain the Social Principles of the United Methodist Church. The denomination has struggled for decades on being inclusive to the world wide diversity of  views on hot-button issues. The founder, John Wesley, tried to circumvent division; as long as the core Christian beliefs were agreed upon, members were to 'think and let think'. The Social Principles were guidelines and at that time stood against abortion but recognized there were circumstances that led people to choose abortion, as in the case of deciding to save a woman's life or the baby's life. This upset this core group. But they also believed that money flowed to groups they did not approve of. Many stopped tithing or offering support to the church. Homosexuality was another hot button issue. Our denomination does not support gay marriage or appoint pastors in homosexual relationships. Yet the ddenomination was considered too liberal.

The Bishop's envoy explained that the local church did not own the building or the investments. Closing the church meant all assets went to the conference. That infuriated this group.

Gary and I

During these months, Gary was under huge stress. He started grinding his teeth, wearing them down significantly. He also went on the same anti-anxiety medication I had been on for two years. Looking back, I wish I had not been an involved pastor's wife. I was suffering the same anxiety as my husband. I sat in one meeting where people tore down the denomination we had served for so any years, and I wondered if our lives had been wasted, the sacrifices for nothing. I sat in the pew, crying, alone.

Before leaving the church and starting a community church, the group tried to destroy the church they could not keep. But they failed.

A core group held fast to their roots and church. When the church split they remained.

Gary had to make a decision. The congregation could no longer afford his pay level. We had the Clawson house and a dependnt son. We could not take a pay decrease. There were no real job posibilities for me. I had sent out some applications on arrival, to no avail. I was selling on eBay and Amazon and writing articles which earned me pin money. We felt broken. Did Gary move on? Or did he stay with equitable salary help from the conference and work for healing and new vision?

We stayed another year.

The remnant surrounded us with love as Gary helped them to envision a new future. I was in a Sunday School class with some great folk. I went to the weekly craft circle with more great folk. They ended every meeting in a prayer circle remembering the needs of people in the church and the greater community. I supported the service projects by contributing quilts and handcrafted purses-and buying the pizzas they made to raise funds.

I joined a book club at the library, led by a retired college professor. Many of the ladies were from the church. We read some great books, including books on Detroit-- Arc of Justice by Kevin Boyle and The Dollmaker by Harriet Arnow.

I took decorative painting classes with a church member, a retired teacher who had moved to their vacation home on a lake nearby. She was a nationally known decorative painting teacher. Another great group of ladies! I found I was quite adept at painting. The group went to lunch after class.

Ladybug banner by Nancy A. Bekofske

Loon by Nancy A. Bekofske

Blue Jay by Nancy A. Bekofske

We made friends with some great people. Learning Gary liked to make bread, another bread-making man gifted Gary bread recipes books.

Kara

Sadly, in the autumn of our first year, Kara's health began to decline. His kidney failure was worsening. We tried changing his diet, and finally water therapy to flush the toxins out. Suki knew her friend was not well. In the end we were giving Kara the water treatment every day in our home. He hated it. It upset Suki to see him upset. We had to let Kara go. I bawled. He had been so much trouble, so expensive. But he was also charming and loveable.

A professional artist who was a member of the church offered to paint Kara's picture. Later she also made a painting of our first Shiba Inu, Kili, as a going away gift to Gary.

Kara playing, Kili, and Kara sleeping painted by Nancy Munger Anderson

Suki was so depressed. We went online to research another companion for her. We found Safe Harbor Animal Rescue in Vermilion, OH and drove out to meet several new dogs. We loved one for his beauty, but he was totally shut down and broken in spirit. I wanted Suki to have a friend that would bring her out. Another was happy and would have been a good companion for Suki. But it was the third dog who won Gary's heart. She followed him around. And we brought home the dog we would name Kamikaze.

Kamikaze

Kamikaze had spent her life in an Amish puppy mill in Ohio and was only 'out' in the world two weeks. She had the spirit and joy of a puppy. She was excited by life and loved attention. She hopped when she ran and flopped to her belly when she did the Shiba Shake because of a congenital issue with her hips. She suffered from interdigital cysts between her toes from a lifetime standing on a wire cage.

Kaze  was also confident and pushy. She stole Suki's toys. Suki let her. She stole Suki's food dish. Suki let her. She stole Suki's favorite sleeping spot in the corner. Suki stepped over her and somehow crammed into the corner. One time Suki did go after Kamikaze. I heard Kaze crying and Suki had hold of her neck. I pried open Suki's mouth. There was no broken skin. Apparently Kaze learned her lesson for it did not happen again, even with Kaze doing her Alpha dog thing. Suki, the stronger and larger dog, just let Kaze be boss.

We still made trips to Clawson to visit Gary's father, and once brought him to the house to stay for a while. Our son was living in Clawson, looking for a job after graduating from Grand Valley State University. It was a hard time to find work and he did not know anyone in the area except my brother. We let him borrow both dogs, or Kamikaze, for long visits to keep him company. When we found ourselves with four vechicles we downsized: Chris kept my dad's Dodge Ram and we traded in his Taurus and our car for a new vehicle that could hold two dog kennels for traveling. We gave my Buick, which my old boss had given me, to Chris's college friend.

Gary's second year came to an end and the conference found a suitable pastor for the church. I designed and painted a banner for the Sunday school classroom.

Banner by Nancy A. Bekofske

 My painting teacher was very excited about how far I had come.

We had high hopes for our last church. The District Superintendent would not tell Gary what church was being considered, but said she'd go there in a flash. It got our hopes up. We were pretty shocked to learn we were returning to Lake Michigan, to a resort town where we used to take our son to the district family camp: Pentwater. 

Sunset in Delton

Happy Days in Lansing, MI

Moving to Lansing, MI felt like returning to a known environment for Gary and me. It took a while for our defenses to lower, but after several years we felt a part of the community. The nine years we spent with Grace United Methodist Church and living in Lansing were some of the best of our lives.

Gary, Chris and I

The church was located a few minutes from downtown, on Mount Hope Road near Cedar/MLK. The parsonage driveway was accessed by Mount Hope Road but the house faced Cambridge Road. It was a lovely neighborhood a few minutes from the Grand River, Francis Park with its rose garden, and the Governor's mansion. Across Mount Hope was the elementary school our son would attend.

The parsonage was well maintained. During our time at Grace many improvements were made to the house, including a new kitchen and two new bathrooms, custom made drapes, and new windows.

When the outgoing pastor's wife told me her dog had been hit by a car on Mt. Hope, I asked the church to install fencing between the house and garage to provide a safe area to let our dog out. The Trustees were obliging!

The church had been built in the 1960s as a new church start. The congregation felt like a big family.

The congregation was very social and church activities kept us busy over the years--starting with a welcome party.

Chris and I at the welcome party

The Vacation Bible School (VBS) was always a well planned, spectacular event. That first summer, VBS ended with a riverboat cruise on the Grand River!

Gary, Chris and I on the Princess Queen for VBS

The Princess Queen paddleboat moored at the Grand River 

I quickly found work at a Catholic school as a part-time secretary focusing on desktop publishing and other computer generated administrative tasks.

At the end of the school year I left for full-time work at the Lansing Art Gallery as the membership secretary. Before a year had passed, I was hired by Jostens, the class and championship ring company, for a newly created position as the state office manager. I was the hub for the management and sales team and their customers. Working from a home office, I provided sales support to the salespeople, customer service to the colleges, created and sent out promotional supplies, and sometimes even attended sales events or sold rings over the phone. The nine month a year job was perfect! Within two years I had doubled my salary.

Church members participated in the denomination's Family Camp held at the United Methodist church camp in Pentwater, MI. It became an annual family vacation. There was also an annual church family camp at Lakeview UM Camp.

Kili and Chris at the Pentwater family camp

We were less than an hour from Gary's parents and just over an hour from my dad and brother. We could make day trips. One of our favorite visits was to Crossroads Village and Huckleberry Railroad.

Dad at Crossroads Village 

Chris, Gary and Laura and Herman Bekofske
at Crossroads Village. (I made Chris's jacket)

We continued to take family vacations around Michigan. When the pop-up camper nearly burned down from an electric short we rented cabins around the state, including Ludington, Lake Louise, Cheboygan, and Tawas. The church's generous Christmas gift made the cost of the cabins possible. Gary and Chris also took father-son camping trips in the U.P. every year.

Mackinaw Bridge Sunset 

at Pictured Rocks

Lake Louise, Dad and Chris on rowboat

Chris and Kili at Tawas, MI

Kili after wading at Tawas

Whitefish Point Lighthouse

We took Chris to Washington, D.C.

Chris and Gary at the Vietnam Memorial in Washington D.C.

Chris spent many weekends with my dad and brother at the cabin on Lake St. Helen. Chris loved to snowmobile.

Snowmobiling 

Kili at Lake St. Helen

Chris and I often visited Dad. He took us to the State Fair, the Henry Ford Museum, Greenfield Village, the Detroit Zoo, Belle Isle, the Auburn Hills Chyrsler Museum, and the Cranbrook Museum.

The iconic oven at the old Michigan State Fair Grounds was destroyed in a fire

The Wolverine at the Detroit Zoo posed for us!

1660s Windmill at Greenfield Village

The parsonage had four bedrooms and two full baths so it was easy to accommodate Dad and Tom for Christmas at our house. The Bekofskes usually came on Sundays for worship, including Easter Sunday.

Dad with a photo memory quilt I made

These years were a time of great growth in my life as a quilter. I joined the Capital City Quilt Guild. The large guild hosted nationally known quilters to speak and run workshops. For a while I was in the American Quilt Study Group and also a group supporting the Michigan State University Museum's quilt programs. The group met in our church and created a quilt to auction to raise funds.

I gave a presentation to the quilt guild on Handkerchief Quilts, and was told I had done a professional job! A proud moment for me! I entered a quilt into the World Quilt and Textile Show. It was a Barbie quilt made for an ugly fabric quilt challenge. One of the show organizers told me how they loved my quilt and got such a kick when they unpacked it. I scanned Barbie, printed the image on fabric, and dressed Barbie in the 'ugly' fabrics. I embellished the quilt with real Barbie clothes and accessories.

My Barbie Quilt

I made When Dreams Come True based on NASA photographs of the Apollo 11 mission to the moon.

I got a quilt frame for my birthday.

Kili keeping me company while I quilt 

I donated quilts to fundraisers including Habitat for Humanity auctions. When a staff member left I made a signature quilt signed by the congregation.

Signature quilt presentation.

When a staff member suffered losses I made her a quilt.

And when a young man tragically died I made this quilt commemorating his work with Habitat for Humanity.

My brother bought a cabin outside of West Branch, MI. We had two family cabins for our use whenever we could get away.

Tom's cabin outside of West Branch, MI

We enjoyed going to the area nature centers. Starting the summer we moved, Chris attended the Woldumar Nature Center day camp. When we was too old to be a camper, he volunteered as a counselor in training. He worked all day, all summer!

The Fenner Nature Center was a lovely place to visit as well, plus they had the annual apple butter festival, making the apple butter in a large copper kettle over an open fire!

Fenner Nature Center, Lansing, MI

Chris and Gary at Fenner Nature Center, Lansing MI

We took family walks with Kili around the neighborhood. We often stopped to talk to neighbors.

Walking Kili around the 'hood

Kili spent her time on the window seat. She watched the world, and slept there too! People asked if that was a fox in the window!

Kili in the picture window

We saw Beauty and the Beast at the Wharton Center and plays at Lansing Community College. We visited museums in Grand Rapids, the Kalamazoo Air Museum, and zoos in Lansing and Battle Creek.

We were active as a family in many church activities, including buying and wrapping Christmas presents for donation, delivering Thanksgiving meals, walking (with Kili) in CROP Walk, and fundraisers for Habitat for Humanity. Chris was in the church basketball team for several years, attended Sunday School, participated in plays and in Youth Group.

Youth Musical. Chris in the middle.

Newspaper article on CROP Walk at the church

I sang in the choir for several years, played piano for the children's choir, and for two years taught the Youth Sunday School Class. I loved teaching and had a great time. The kids seemed to enjoy me as a teacher, too.

Gary and I at a church dinner

One day a man came to church and joined our Sunday School class. At the end of class he asked several questions about the church's stance on sensitive social issues, especially reguarding human sexuality. That year the church held an eight session discussion on the issue, with many points of view presented. Although the majority of members were in consensus, they had agreed to disagree and continued to care and work with each other in love. When the man's question was met with silence, I spoke up. God gave me the words. I explained the offical UMC Social Creed, and that there was no universal consensus, but that in the Wesleyan manner, we supported the right to "think and let think."

The man next asked to see the pastor. After a discussion, he told Gary that he was coming back to denounce the church as followers of Satan. Several members moved quickly to contact the police. It turned out that the man was known to the police, and said that he was "off his meds." The Washington D.C. police contacted the church. They also knew about this man after targeting Senator Debbie Stabenow. Grace is her home church, and that made it a target for this man. We were afraid of what was going to happen the following week.

As worship began the next Sunday, police were on the scene. They prevented the man from entering the church, keeping him across the street as he ranted and raved. When church was over, people going to their cars or the Youth Building stood aghast at the vehemence coming from the man across the street. A WWII veteran who had given his life to God under siege at the Battle of Anzio was very upset that his church was being attacked. His wife restrained him from crossing the street! Youth were as upset as their grandparents. The experience brought the church together, all generations, united in their belief in their community and purpose.

Kili

There is another side to the story of these years: How the move impacted our son, including the challenge of a new social environment; how the school environment changed after Columbine; and finally our decision to opt for home schooling.

Me