This I Know by Eldonna Edwards

I don't think there's a bushel big enough to hide the Knowing. It keeps getting bigger and stronger, like a storm cloud before it grows into a tornado. I've spent most of my life holding it by the tail.~from This I Know by Eldonna Edwards

In 1969, eleven-year-old Grace is heir to special abilities that allows her to know things others cannot perceive.

She communes with her twin brother who died at birth, warns about impending crises, and healed a newborn sister's heart. It has been an unwanted gift passed down through her mother's family--until now. Grace stands up for the goodness of her insight.

Grace's mother is suffering postpartum depression, her eldest daughter taking on her tasks. Grace's father is a non-denominational church pastor with a nominal salary that requires his taking part-time jobs. He does not trust that Grace's gift is godly and commands her to turn from the Knowing.

Grace's life in Cherry Hill along Lake Michigan is filled with the beauty of nature and the suspicion of townsfolk. She befriends a drifter and is taken up by the daughter of hippies. On the verge of becoming a woman, Grace must make the decision to bend to her father's will or suffer rejection and isolation.

Grace's enchanting voice captures the innocence of childhood coming to an end.

I have not read many books with pastors and pastor's kids as main characters. Immersion baptism at the lake, communion and worship services are a part of Grace's life. Edwards, a PK herself, captures the experience.

I got a kick out of "Daddy's talking about idols and graven images, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah." Or about Vacation Bible School, "I think most of the parents send their kids to get rid of them for a while because they're bored and sick of each other."

Grace turns to her predeceased twin Isaac to help her understand the big questions, particularly the nature of God and the source of evil in the world. It is the perennial struggle for people of faith. If God is good, why is there evil and suffering in the world? If God is all powerful, why does he allow it?

Grace's friend Lola introduces alternative lifestyles, a freedom from social conventions. Grace is able to accept people for who they are, to see their goodness.

Edwards has given readers a sympathetic character in a vivid setting on a journey of self-realization, standing up to a narrow world view. 

I received a free book from the author through an American Historical Fiction Facebook Group giveaway. My review is fair and unbiased.

This I Know
by Eldonna Edwards
Kensington
$15.95 paperback
ISBN: 9781496712875

The Rest of the Story by Sarah Dessen

In Michigan, one is never more than 6 miles from a lake or 85 miles from one of the Great Lakes. It's the Water Wonderland--the Great Lakes State. When we go on vacation, we go to the lake. We have cabins and we rent cabins. We go camping, we stay at a resort. But there is usually water involved.

Lake Pentwater, MI

Once when we were camping along Lake Michigan, I went into town to see the 'tourist trap' stores. I remarked to a teen working at the marina, "what a beautiful place to live!" I got a scowl.

About ten years later my husband's work took us to that small resort town. And I understood. There were usually under 250 students in the entire K-12 school, the town closed down at the end of August, and the locals were much poorer than the summer folk at the marina and the summer 'cottagers'. They worked hard four months of the year when the rich came to play.

marina in Pentwater, MI

How could someone know you better than you knew yourself? Especially if they really didn't know you, not at all? from The End of the Story by Sarah Dessen

The Rest of the Story by Sarah Dessen takes place on one lake with two communities: the upscale tourist resort Lake North and the working class North Lake with its ramshackle cabins.

Lake St. Helen, MI 

Emma Saylor's mom came from North Lake; her dad was a summer sailing instructor at Lake North. Their marriage ended in divorce, and then Emma's mother died. Emma's father doesn't talk about her mother's roots.

Circumstances bring Emma to stay with her maternal grandmother in North Lake for three weeks during the summer. Her grandmother and cousins are strangers to Emma. But the Calvanders know all about her--Saylor.

Over the summer, Emma becomes Saylor, learning her mother's history, growing to love her mother's family, and taking the risks she has avoided all her life. You can make your life, or life can make you, she learns.

Lake Michigan during a storm

This was a nice summer read with great characters and lake ambiance while touching on deeper themes of class, anxiety issues, alcoholism, identity, and self-determination. Plus, there is a touch of romance. The hard-working, hard-partying teenager world is well developed, and a crisis brings a happy ending.

I won a copy of the book in a giveaway on The Quivering Pen run by David Abrams, author of Fobbit and Brave Deeds. My review is fair and unbiased.

The Rest of the Story
by Sarah Dessen
Baltzer & Bray
$19.99 hardcover

Self Portrait With Boy

Art is rooted in experience, and artists plumb their lives for their art. I think of F. Scott Fitzgerald and how he appropriated Zelda's letters and diaries and story for his work, or Thomas Wolfe whose first novel Look Homeward, Angel caused a ruckus in his hometown that was so thinly veiled in the book. And I think of Elizabeth Strout's recent novel My Name is Lucy Barton whose character is told she must be ruthless in her art. Artists are faced with telling the truth or protecting others.

On the first page of Self Portrait With Boy, we are told the main character,  photographer Lu Rile, is described as "ruthless," single minded. Lu, looking back on what happened twenty years previous, talks about the trauma behind the work that catapulted her into the limelight.

The novel begins with Lu admitting that at age twenty-six "there were so many people I had not yet become." I loved that line because it reflects how I have seen my life since I was a teenager: life as a continual process of growth and change, so that we become different people as we age.

Lu was a squatter in an old factory inhabited by artists. She worked several low paying jobs and barely scraped by. She felt like an outsider, a girl who grew up poor and does not understand the world of the well-off and well-known artists around her.

Because she can not afford anything else, Lu became her own model and every day takes a self portrait. One day, she set the timer on her camera and jumped, naked, in front of the large windows in her unheated apartment. When she developed the film she discovered that in the background she has captured the fatal fall of a child.

The child's parents became alienated in their grief, the successful artist father moving out while the mother, Kate, leaned on Lu for support. It had been years since Lu had been close to anyone. She is unable to tell Kate about the photograph.

Weird occurrences made Lu believe the boy was haunting her and she became desperate to get rid of the photograph. Lu's father needed money for surgery, and she was pressured to join the others in the building in hiring a lawyer. Lu knew her photo was an amazing work and she struggled between reaching for success and the love she felt for Kate and her admiration for Steve.

Rachel Lyon's writing is amazing. I loved how she used sights, sounds, and aromas to make Lu's world real. This is her debut novel.

Self-Portrait with Boy: A Novel
by Rachel Lyon
Scribner
Pub Date 06 Feb 2018 
ISBN: 9781501169588
PRICE: $26.00

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

"It was a time after first discoveries but not last ones. It was wanting to know everything and wanting to know nothing. It was the new sweetness of men starting to talk as they must talk. It was the possible bitterness of revelation."--Something Wicked This Way Comes

For October I decided to read Something Wicked This Way Comes, my interest in revisiting Ray Bradbury piqued by my book club's reading Dandelion Wine in September.

When I was a teenager I read most of Bradbury, and passed my paperback books to my younger brother when he was in a reading slump.

But Bradbury is wasted on the young! The young may get the mystery and the fantasy, but some things require a view that only age can bring. An October view, as it were, from the perspective of a fifty-four-year-old father.

One October night a carnival comes to town and Will and Jim have snuck out of their houses to see the carnival being set up. They observe it's secrets and understand the evil going on, endangering their lives. The circus master Mr Dark, the Illustrated Man, searches for the boys. The boys have only Will's father, the library janitor, and their own ingenuity to protect them.

Wil and his father are unable to sleep, and their 3 am talk it is a most beautiful scene. Will asks his father about goodness and happiness. Although he only understands a small portion of his father's meaning, he has never heard his father talk so much and is transfixed. His father shares all he has learned about life.

"Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else."  

"We are the creatures that know and know too much. That leaves us with such a burden again we have a choice, to laugh or cry. No other animal does either. We do both..."

"Really knowing is good. Not knowing, or refusing to know, is bad, or amoral, at least. you can't act if you don't know...we got to know all there is to know about those freaks and that man heading them up. We can't be good unless we know what bad is..."

The carnival, like life, has its enticements, the pink cotton candy stickiness; and it has frightening deformities and sinister side shows, the house of mirrors that confuses those who enter and reflects back what we do not want to see.

"...here comes the carnival, Death like a rattle in one hand, Life like candy in the other; shake on to scare you, offer one to make your mouth water."

In his search for the boys, Mr. Dark finds Will's dad in the library. He offers the gift of reversing time, and then he threatens Will's dad with death.  Looking death in the face, Will's father laughs and robs evil of its power.

"Evil has only the power that we give it. I give you nothing. I take back. Starve. Starve. Starve."

Death isn't important, it is what happened before death that counts, Will's father knows.

After vanquishing Mr. Dark and his cohorts, Will's dad knows it is just the beginning. "God knows what shape they'll come in next...We got to watch out the rest of our lives. The fights just begun."

The circus sideshow freaks, the witches and the living dead, are vanquished but other 'autumn people' will arise and we must always be on our guard, ready to stand up to them. Our weapon is laughter and joy.

*****

I wrote a poem long ago, but many years after reading Somethng Wicked This Way Comes, and yet I wonder what part of Bradbury's novel remained in my subconscious when I wrote it.

Circus Life
by Nancy A Bekofske

The thing about life is
it’s like a three ring circus.
I can almost smell the greasy odor of popcorn,
feel the sticky web of cotton candy
attaching itself to the skin,
see the wild beasts on stools and
the dangerous, captivating dares of the trainer--
hyperbolic symbol of the little daily risks we take
just going to work or school or to mail a letter.
The bareback riders in pink tights and tutus
recall the various temptations
flashing their thighs at us.
The sad clowns fall down over and over,
suffer the trials of water and fire, spurring laughter.
That's what life is all about:
trial, temptation, danger,
and the deep haw-haw of laughter.

The Heart's Invisible Fury by John Boyne

A novel can be transformative, for it has the ability to condense our experience and reflect what we knew back in a way that we recognize as true while enlarging our understanding and engaging our heart.

The Heart's Invisible Furies by John Boyne tells the life story of Cyril Avery, spanning seventy years between 1945 and 2015. It is the story of a young man growing up, a good but passive man who is not allowed to be a real son, an honest friend, who makes mistakes and survives horrible losses. In the end he discovers his true identity and is able to rectify relationships.

The story has its terrifying and violent moments. The dark humor brought out-loud laughter. And it has sorrows that brought tears to my eyes.

It is a compassionate book. It is a work which unsparingly attacks hypocrisy and double standards in society and the church. The worst people can do, the violence and hate crimes and prejudice is all revealed. As is forgiveness, understanding, and the vision of a state of being that will recompense our earthly losses.

I was totally unprepared for this book when I chose it as my Blogging for Books read. It was one of those happy accidents of a book finding its right reader.

The novel opens in Ireland at a time when the church controls social mores and with a harsh hand ferrets out illicit sexual activity, unwed teens and homosexuals especially.

Cyril Avery, 'not a real Avery' his adoptive father reminds him, was born to an unwed mother who was rejected by her family and parish. His birth came in a moment of terror. His self-absorbed adotpive parents gave him a home but no affection, yet he loved and accepted them. His childhood and university friend Julian was beautiful, brash, and self assured. Julian, like his father and like Cyril's father, was sexually promiscuous from an early age. He became the secret object of Cyril's affection, which Cyril does not reveal until the morning he was to marry Julian's sister.

"What was I even doing here? Years of regret and shame began to overwhelm me. A lifetime of lying, of feeling that I was being forced to lie, had led me to a moment where I was not only preparing to destroy my own life but also that of a girl who had done nothing whatsoever to deserve it."

I recalled a minister friend from long ago, smart and fun and capable, and his wife who like me was an English major at university. At annual conference we would met up and talk. Years passed and the wife was expecting their first child. The husband told her that he was in love with someone else and that he was gay. Our denomination would not appoint a homosexual, and to this day will not appoint a homosexual unless they are celibate. So, he had married a woman he loved deeply, and pretended to love her sexually as well. It was devastating, the wife faced with raising a child as a single mother, the husband waiting to hear if his career would be taken away. What that taught me was not to hate my friend but the evil that forced him to deny who he was, unable to live honestly and wholly.

"I can't excuse my actions," Cyril tells Julian's sister years later, "but I didn't have the courage or maturity to be honest with myself, let alone anyone else."

And I recalled another friend, a young man grappling with his sexuality during the early days of AIDS, whose self loathing and fear of family rejection kept him not only closeted but even dating. In these days, a woman told me she hated picking up a phone that had been used by another gay friend,  an otherwise intelligent woman.  Boyne's book addresses this too, as Cyril volunteers to visit AIDS victims and experiences the hatred and blame put on gays for the disease.

Near the end of his life, Cyril meets his birth mother and learns his story. "Maybe there were no villains in my mother's story at all. Just men and women, trying to do their best by each other. And failing."

His mother looks at her home village's graveyard and says, "All these people. And all of that trouble. And look, they're dead now. So what did it all matter in the end?" She wonders, "Why did they abandon me? Why do we abandon each other? Why did I abandon you?"

Why do we allow ourselves to be led into hate and violence? How can we look at a son or daughter, a friend or schoolmate, and allow some idea to alienate us, so we do not see the person we know but a vision of something frightening?

In the flawed, humane, and tempest-tossed Cyril perhaps we will recognize we are all fallen creatures tyring to just get through life, hoping for a moment's affection and love.

I received a free book through Blogging for Books in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

The Heart's Invisible Furies
John Boyne
Hogarth Books
$28 hard cover
ISBN: 978-1-5247-6078-6

A Friend In Need: Allie and Bea by Catherine Ryan Hyde

When I have been reading a lot of 'heavy' books and need to lift my spirit to remember that good things can happen in this world of trials and conflict, I am glad to have Catherine Ryan Hyde to turn to. Her newest book, Allie and Bea, did not disappoint.

Hyde's books have a common thread: imperfect people with real life problems, often mired in anger or despair, are lifted through an empowering, healthy relationship.

This novel begins with Bea, a widow in her senior years, living on Social Security that can not cover her basic needs. Scammed out of her meagre savings, she has reached rock bottom and becomes a homeless vagrant living out of a panel van.

Enter Allie, a fifteen year old on the run for her life. When Allie's upper class parents opted for lifestyle over paying the IRS they ended up in jail. Allie is taken under Child Protective Service and placed in a group home for delinquents until a foster home opened up.

Allie has high standards for herself and holds others to them. It brings her into conflict with a violent girl, and fearing for her life, Allie joins a runaway girl only to find herself faced with a human trafficker.

Allie flags down Bea's van and forces her way into Bea's life, and in nine days together on the lam, Bea is brought to reevaluate her entire life and Allie finds someone who will stand by her when her family has failed her.

I enjoy how Hyde takes contemporary social issues and through likeable characters elicits an emotional understanding from readers. Yes, her endings are neat and sweet, but that is why I turn to her books. Sometimes we all need a wish fulfillment tale.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

Allie and Bea
Catherine Ryan Hyde
Lake Union Publishing
Publication Date: May 23 2017
$14.95 paperback
ISBN: 9781477819715

Grief Cottage by Gail Godwin

Character's inner ruins lay concealed, their grief diverted by obsessions and addictions, in Gail Godwin's novel Grief Cottage.

After the death of his single mother, eleven-year-old Marcus's only living family member, his Aunt Charlotte, becomes his guardian. While his depressed aunt spends her days in her art studio, painting and sipping bottles of red wine, Marcus uses his honed homemaking skills to keep the beach front cottage spic and span, making himself useful, as he did for his working mom. Marcus is also an expert caretaker, responsible and useful; his own needs are shunt aside, his own grief and doubt internalized.

The rest of his day Marcus walks the South Carolina beach to visit the deserted house locals call Grief Cottage. Marcus is obsessed to know more about the tragedy that took place there. A family vacationing at the cottage disappeared in the 1954 hurricane, the parents searching for their missing son. How could no one have recorded the family's name? Marcus visits the empty shell of a house daily, 'courting' the ghost of the boy who appears to him.

"Marcus feels the pain of others," said Aunt Charlotte, "even when they're dead and gone."

Charlotte's cottage is filled with grief. Charlotte tries to escape the memory of her 'devil' father who at age five began to 'poison' her. It is 'the good old family horror story', Greek or Shakespearian in nature. Marcus is burdened by his lonely childhood, shamed when his one friend discovered he shared a bed with his mother. In a rage, Marcus beat the boy up. He underwent counseling and then his mother left her job and they moved-- to worse conditions--then his mother was killed in a car accident.

In the galley reader's note, Godwin writes that she was inspired by stories of ghosts whose arrival coincides with a mental crisis, tales grounded in 'daily life,' but which  'leaves a window for the possibility of a reality we haven't discovered yet."

"People see what they want to see. Or imagine they saw. "

For a lonely eleven-year-old child in a new place, deep in grief, imagining a ghostly friend is not a far stretch. I had Homer the Ghost to keep me company when we moved the year I turned eleven. I knew he was imaginary. Marcus has to work to keep his 'realities' separate, the duties he owed to his aunt and to the ghost boy, to keep his sanity. It makes him feel even more isolated, for who would understand?

I was compelled by this story to read far into the night. Even the supporting characters are sympathetic, full and real. There is a climatic revelation, and life goes on as it had, Marcus and his aunt supporting each other. And at the very end, a moment of grace returns Marcus something he had lost and gives him something he had long searched for.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

Grief Cottage
Gail Godwin
Bloomsbury
Publication Date June 6, 2017
$27 hardcover
ISBN: 9781632867049

The Futures by Anna Pitoniak

Gambling on the future involves risk. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Mostly, we make mistakes, restart, and move on. There are no guarantees in life. If we can learn from our errors, we improve our chance of success in the future.

The Futures is the story of young people growing up in a specific time in America, but the lessons are universal.

Julia and Evan meet at college. Their relationship is not perfect but they love each other. When Evan is offered a job too good to be true, working for a financial company in New York City, he imagines a glorious future with wealth, status, and success. Julia tags along, with no idea of what she wants to do with her life.

As Evan's work consumes his energy and soul, Julia feels neglected. At twenty-two, she thinks, she should have more than lonely evenings, a boyfriend too distracted and tired to even consider her needs, and a job she hates.

Communication, intimacy and mutual support compromised, each is drawn to other lovers. In anger, Julia betray's Evan's involvement in a bribery scandal in a futures trade for his boss.

I admit I passed on this book for quite a while because I thought I was too old. I have 60+ years of experience in relationships. I've made plenty of mistakes along the way. And I share some things with Julia and Evan: I moved as a young twenties to a big city, looked for work during the 1970s economic downturn, and ended up in a job I hated: customer service for an insurance company. Meantime, my husband's new career left him full of self-doubt and anxiety.

It turned out that I understood Julia and Evan much better than I thought I would.

Knowing who you are, choosing a career that maintains your integrity, and learning how to love is what being in one's twenties is all about. We must discard childish selfishness in relationships, and learn not to depend on the approval and affirmation from others. Emotional maturity involves forgiving ourselves, and those we love, for being merely human.

Anna Pitoniak has captured this aspect of the human experience.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through Net Galley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

The Futures
Anna Pitoniak
Little Brown
$26 hard cover
ISBN: 9780316354172