Ten Months in Muskegon

August, 2009, we moved a half hour down the road. The church parsonage was in Norton Shores, south of Muskegon. The house was in a lovely neighborhood, on a cul de sac street and close to the mall, shopping, doctors, restaurants--and the Lake Michigan shore.

vintage photo from The Builders: The Identity and Witness of Central UMC Church of Musekgon, MI
by Thomas F. Begley

Gary's new church was struggling with changes. A cathedral built in the 1930s, membership had declined and they could no longer support their huge staff. Gary's job was to led them through the process of right-sizing and grieving, then he was to move on and let the incoming pastor minister without the negative associations Gary would be taking on. The appointment was to last up to two years.

Central UMC photo from Devoted Dreamers and Daring Doers by Rev. Dr. Lynn A. DeMoss

Frankly, we had stars in our eyes. The beautiful church with its full time music director, the stained glass, the orchestra, the professional choir, was stunning. We hoped that we would get along so well that Gary would not have to move after a few years!

Cover of Devoted Dreamers and Daring Doers

photo from Devoted Dreamers and Daring Doers

Our first Sunday at church they had a reception line. Every member filed by, introducing themselves. It was exhausting to stand there for all that time, one person after another coming up. And it was overwhelming. I am an introvert and like to meet people one on one or in small groups in informal settings. They had a nice tradition of donating pantry gifts to the incoming pastoral family.

The Pulpit, photo from Devoted Dreamers and Daring Doers

The neighborhood kids were all watching when we moved in and brought over a plate of freshly baked cookies! It was such a friendly street.

The ranch house was well maintained with three bedrooms, a kitchen opening to a dining area with a brick oven and fireplace wall, a huge living room with a fireplace, an office, and a full bath and a half-bath with a shower. The basement was partially finished. The backyard had a deck and included a wild, natural area. Pileated woodpeckers, deer, and turkey were seen on a daily basis!

Kitchen/dining area fireplace decked out for Christmas

Me, Easter 2010

The entire parsonage was painted and I got to chose the colors--one legacy of my suggestions concerning parsonages was to get away from the required 'earth tone' paint requirements. I knew we would be there a short time so I chose colors that worked with the lighting, woodwork, and flooring.

the dining area could fit my grandparent's set

Because the church was in downtown Muskegon, Gary had to commute to the office. He had many late afternoon and evening meetings. I was lonely.

I told Gary it was time to get another dog. We had agreed to get a puppy mill breeder rescue as a 'thank you' for the nearly 17 years of happiness Kili had given us. I found a dog in Stevensville who was in a foster home and contacted the rescue organization. I was told this dog was never expected to be adopted. The foster family said that a family returned her because she was terrified of men. Her early years in a Missouri puppy mill had left her unsocialized and damaged.

We visited the foster family. Our girl followed her pack at treat time, but hung in the back. A few days later the foster family brought her to us. We named her Suki, which means beloved, and were determined she would know come to understand she was loved.

Suki was shy and stayed in a corner

Suki had been kenneled but once in our house she ran behind the head of my bed. She claimed that small space for herself so we moved the bed away from the wall to give her space. She would follow me from room to room, finding a corner to hide in, her back pressed up against the wall. We were told that she liked her cheek rubbed. I would get on the floor and rub her cheek, talking to her, singing a song I made up for her.

Suki, Suki, Suki,
the sweetest dog I know.
Suki, Suki, Suki,
we do love you so.

Suki sitting for her cookie

Suki was unresponsive for days. But she was smart. In the evening I went into the living room with treats and she came running up to snatch one, running into another room to eat it, then running up again. I used treats to train all our dogs, and so I held it over her head and forced her to sit down to keep her eyes on it, saying 'sit' at the same time. Then I gave her the treat. The next time I did it, Suki understood and thereafter I would say 'sit' and she would sit and get her treat! I taught her to sit up, too, with one try. Another big break-through came a few weeks later when she learned to go up and down stairs. My sewing area was in the basement, and Suki one day went down the stairs to follow me. She was so pleased with herself, she went up and down the stairs over and over for several days.

A bad photo, I know, but this is Suki learning how to go down stairs

Gary always enjoyed walking our dogs. The morning after we got her he hooked her up and took her for a walk. Suki was terrified of the outdoors. She had been in a cage, with walls or fences, and would either cower down or run when outdoors. She took off  running and pulled the leash out of Gary's hand. He ran after her, knowing if she got away we would never be able to catch her again. Going down a small, steep, hill Gary tripped. He put his arm out to break his fall and felt pain in his shoulder. He got up and ran after Suki again, stepping on the end of the leash to stop her.

Gary's arm was badly hurt and I got him to medical care. The first doctor gave him bad advice, and when the pain continued he went to a specialist. He had torn three of his four rotor cuff ligaments and needed surgery to repair them. The doctor warned he might never regain full range of motion.

Gary's surgery meant a long recovery. Luckily, one of the chairs we had purchased before moving from Lansing, the chairs that were too big for the first Montague parsonage, was a recliner. Gary ended up sleeping in it for three weeks during recovery. Physical therapy worked miracles and he did regain full ROM in that shoulder.

Gary

In January we thought Suki might do better with another dog in the house. We went back to the rescue society and agreed to foster an incoming dog, another puppy mill rescue from Missouri. He was brought north by volunteers who each drove him a 'leg' of the trip. We picked him up in Indiana.

The volunteer brought him out of the cage to meet us. He looked in bad shape and smelled of urine, but wagged his tail at us. We got him home and immediately had to wash him down and wash out the kennel. We feed and watered him, and put him the kennel overnight. The next morning his bedding was soaked in urine again.

Kara

We named him Kara. He was friendly and seemed happy, but was weak. We took him to a vet right away. His legs were a mess, showing he had chewed them because of allergies. She told us his ears were short because he had lost the tips to frostbite. A broken leg had never been set. He had arthritis in his back. His ears were black from an ear infection. He also had high kidney vaues. The exam cost hundred of dollars and the rescue organization would not reimburse us. We were to make him comfortable, and get approval for any medical care. Phooey, we thought.

Suki and Kara's den behind the bed headboard

The second day found an amazed Suki staring at this strange dog cuddling up to her in her bed. Kara just moved in and befriended Suki. Over the next weeks Kara's health improved and he taught Suki how to be a dog. By spring, he had Suki playing tag in the yard, running after each other. They were happy as could be. Suki's tail was up for the first time, instead of being between her legs or straight down.

Kara (foreground) and Suki playing 

A healthy Kara was trouble with a capital T. He dug under the fence to get out of the yard. I ran after him and only caught him because his bad leg slowed him down and because he had to mark his territory. One day Gary saw Kara with all four paws hanging from the chain link fence, trying to climb over! On a rainy day when my brother was visiting, Kara managed to sneak out of the house. We drove around the neighborhood and asked people if they had seen our dog. One neighbor found him trotting along the main road, several blocks away. She opened her car door and he jumped in. Kara was very pleased with his jaunt.

Suki striking a pose

The neighbor was a widower and he loved Kara. He bought chicken treats to give Kara. Kara buried them all over the yard! A lady in North Carolina wanted to adopt Kara to replace a Shiba she had lost. I told her he was ill. She sent me a gift of money toward his medical costs! We have been in touch ever since.

I was intimidated by this church. I was never around people of status or wealth. Every Sunday after church during fellowship time a lady chastised me for not going table to table greeting all the parishioners. I told her I was the newbie, and they should be welcoming me for I was not a paid employee but a fellow lay member. 

Central UMC stained glass windows

In October, two months after Gary's appointment, at annual conference, a church leader told the D.S. that he did not want an interim pastor. Gary had been told his assignment was to provide healing and prepare for moving into the future, but this leader rejected that goal. The conference had never tried an interim pastorate before. We don't believe that the church was prepared.

Now, it is important to connect with important church leaders, and if a pastor does not do that there will be trouble. On our move-in day we had been invited to stay in this man's home. He and his wife were important in the community and well off. At dinner another clergy couple and our hosts talked about their world travels. It made me feel bad. I have spent three days in Mexico City and have seen a bit of Canada. That's the extend of my world travels. But these people did not notice their conversation did not include us, and that insensitivity made me unwilling to pursue a deeper relationship with these folk. I felt I was in another class and that we had little life experience in common.

Gary would not fight a powerful leader and agreed to move the next July 1. He was a lame duck pastor two months in. He did help the church restructure, lead Bible classes and all the other pastoral duties. Some parishioners encouraged his ministry and felt bad about what had happened. Later, I learned that this church leader had pushed his weight around in another church.

Gary had been teaching Disciple Bible Class for years. Participants read the entire Bible over a year.  I finally joined a class while in Montague, but we moved before it was over. I joined again while at Muskegon. I had to reread the Old Testament again! But did get to finish the course.

The church had a number of quilters and three ladies befriended me and invited me to their weekly quilt group. They took turns meeting in their homes, coming in the morning and staying for a light lunch. They were all talented and amazing artists. I was working on my quilt I Will Life My Voice Like a Trumpet, celebrating women abolitionists and Civil Rights workers. I designed the patterns and hand embroidered and hand quilted it.

I Will Lift My Voice Like a Trumpet by Nancy A. Bekofske

I also completed Ruby McKim's patterns Ships of the World, hand embroidered and hand quilted.

Ships of the World, a design by Ruby McKim
Hand embroidered and hand quilted by Nancy A. Bekofske

I gave this quilt to my son.

Detail of McKim's design

We were forty-five minutes from our son at university and saw him regularly over these months. We took rides to see the beaches and sights, and enjoyed eating at Toast N' Jam restaurant just a few minutes away. The Muskegon Museum of Art was a gem. We visited the USS Silversides sub and the USS Milwaukee Clipper and the LST 393 Veterans Museum. We liked the dentist so much we stayed with him even after moving. A repertoire movie theater was just blocks away.

Gary  Muskegon, MI

Chris, Muskegon, MI

The pastor who Gary had replaced was enjoying a more relaxed life in Montague. He pitied Gary! Several years into his ministry at Montague this pastor suffered a health crisis that left him bedridden and wheelchair bound. It was prescient that the parsonage was 100% handicapped accessible. The pastor had to take early retirement due to health. While his wife searched for housing to accommodate his needs, the Montague church allowed the family to stay in the parsonage. The new pastor stayed in a parishoner's rental cottage. God works in mysterious ways.

But of course, July 1, 2010, came and we had to move. We had hoped for a really nice church and home for our last appointment, expecting to be there six years until retirement.

The good news was the church was closer to Clawson and family. The downside was it was situated in an even smaller town than we had lived in before, in a very rural county. And at the meet-and-greet questions were asked that hinted at problems to come.