A hundred years ago people loved a silly song, a song that made one laugh. Today I am sharing a selection novelty, nonsense, and humor sheet music.
No, No, Positively No by Chris Smith and Harry Brown was a 'great hit' in 1907, here performed by Thomas H. Cullen. Hear a 1927 recording here. 'Just say no' is good advice.
If there's such things as Jonahs, I must be one for fair
When good luck had been issued I guess I was nowhere there,
I went to see a hoodoo man to have my fortune told,
He said, "no give me ten bills, and you'll find a pot of gold."
But I said, "no, no, no, oh, no positively no!
When I say no, no, no, oh, no,
then I mean that word to go
I use some judgment now and then,
I'd be a fool to give you ten,
So no, no, no, oh, no, emphatically no."
How well I can remember when I was but a child,
My mammy had some beehives in the back yard quite a while,
So brother Jim took me with him, one day to steal some hon',
Said sure, I like you, Jim, but I can't agree to let bees make pincushions out of me, (chorus)
Once Barnum Baily circus had come to town one day
A lion and a tiger got a fighting during the play,
Said I, "don't let them fight no more, you folks know right from wrong,
Then one said, "you go separate them, you look big and strong." (chorus)
Some friends of mine had asked me to go with them to dine
A swell cafe we strolled in, I thought I'd have a scandalous time,
We'd all been drinking gin and beer and were full of fun and glee,
And when the waiter showered the check they all looked right at me (chorus)
***
Humor a hundred years ago was far from 'politically correct;' targets included women and immigrants and African Americans.
The Preacher and the Bear by Joe Arizona published 1904 manages to be offensive to clergy and African Americans at once. Or at least African American clergy. And yet it was recorded over and over again, including by Andy Griffith and The New Christy Minstrels. Alan Lomax collected it in Kentucky. Listen to a 1908 Victor recording here.
‘Twas on one Sunday morn.
It was against his religion,
But he took his gun along.
He shot himself some very fine quail,
And one little measly hare,
And on his way returning home,
He met a grizzly bear.
The bear marched out in the middle of the road,
And he waltzed for the coon to see.
The coon got so excited that he climbed a ‘simmon tree.
The bear set down upon the ground,
And the coon climbed out on a limb.
He cast his eyes to the God in the skies,
And this is what he said to him:
Chorus: “Oh, Lordy, you delivered Daniel from the lion’s den.
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
Three Hebrew children from the fiery furnace,
The good books do declare.
Now, Lord, Lordy, Lord, if you can’t help me,
For sakes, don’t help that bear.”
This coon stayed up in that there tree,
And I think it was all night.
He says, “Oh, Lord, if you don’t help the bear,
You’re gonna see an awful fight.”
Just about that time the limb let go,
And the coon came tumbling down.
You should have seen him get his razor
Before he hit the ground.
He hit the ground a-cutting right and left,
And he put up a very game fight.
Just then that bear, he hugged this coon,
And he squeezed him a little too tight.
The coon, he lost his razor,
But the bear held out with a vim.
He cast his eyes to the God in the skies,
And this is what he said to him: (Chorus)
***
Dance crazes have been around for a long time, and the Shimmie was one of the early ones.Everybody Shimmies Now by Joe Gold and Edmund J. Porray with lyrics by Eugene West was introduced by Sophie Ticker and her 5 Kings of Syncopation in 1918. Hear the All Star Trio Victor recording here. This Tin Pan Alley song made Mae West famous and the sheet music was also published with Mae on the cover.
Sweet tootie, let us do it now
That nervous sort of movement like Saint Vitus dance,
Sweet Mama won't you show me how
That dance that I love best,
The dance the folks are doing with their chests.
'Cause everybody shimmies now
Everybody's learning how
Brother Bill, Sister Kate, Shive like jelly on a plate,
Shimmie dancing can't be beat.
Moves everything except your feet.
Feeble folks mighty old shake the shimmie and they shake it bold
Oh! Honey won't you show me how
'Cause everybody shimmies now.
Honey baby, can't you hear the jass [sic] band play,
Oh, dearie, I just can't keep still
That syncopated music make me feel so gay,
I just must sway against my will
Now babe, don't be afraid
Come on and to the dance that's up to date.
'Cause everybody shimmies now (chorus)
***
The Shimmie was scandalous and sexy. Ragtime was obviously the work of nefarious creatures.The Ragtime Goblin Man by Andrew B. Sterling and Harry von Tilzer from 1911 was a virtual warning. Ragtime was out to take prisoners and there was no escape. Hear a Victor recording here.
I know he followed me, he'll catch me sure,
And then there'll be a ragtime swoon,
He's beside me, hide me, hide me,
I can' feel his breath, Oh I'm scared to death,
He will take me, shake me, make me join his raggedy band.
That goblin man, that goblin man.
Look out for the goblin man, that ragtime goblin man,
Look out for the book in his hand, that great big book in his hand,
There he is, there he is, he is there,
see his eyes, see his eyes, see his eyes glare,
Mister bugaboo, if he catches you, he'll beat you, then he'll eat you,
Run, run, just as fast as you can from the ragtime goblin man.
Hide, hide, or he'll give you a ride, just hear him shout
Look out, look out, for the rag, rag, rag, ragtime goblin man.
That ragtime goblin man was mild, what was it drove him wild?
A ragtime tune, on dark nights just look out
He'll catch you if you sing about a ragtime moon,
If he grabs you, grabs you, jabs you, you won't get away
Cause you'll have to stay, then he'll bring you, sting you, fling you
To his raggedy band, see, he, want to get me, that goblin man. (chorus)
***
Maggie!"Yes Ma'am" Come Right Up Stairs by Leslie Moore and Johnny Tucker dates to 1922 and was performed by Smith and Stritt in Vaudeville. Hear a 78 recording here.
There's a family right next door
Wakes us up at three or four
When the daughter comes home with her beau
First they stand outside and chin
After they tiptoe in and begin their spooning down below
Then when all is quiet in the hall, downstairs you hear her mother call
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Who's with you there?
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Stop that affair!
Why does it take you so long to say goodnight?
You know I've told you always, it's not safe to stand in hallways.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Give him his hat.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Just leave him flat
I forgot what mother taught me, that is how your father caught me.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Come right upstairs
Maggie doesn't care a bit what the neighbors think of it.
She declares that lovin' is no crime
Even tho' her sweetheart Dan was always a union man
Maggie has him working overtime
Now and then they lean against a bell
Then the whole darn house begins to yell
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Who's with you there?
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Stop that affair!
You'll wake the neighbors the way you carry on.
I'm gonna get a copper to chase that young finale-hopper.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Give him his hat.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Just leave him flat.
Give his face a darn good smacking if he starts to be wisecracking
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Come right upstairs.
***
One of Tin Pan Alley's greatest hits was the 1920 Oh By Jingo! was written by Lew Brown and Albert Von Tilzer. Listen to recordings here.
It appeared in Linger Longer Letty, sung by Charlotte Greenwood who created Letty as her alter ego. The song has been recorded by many artists over the years. Hugh Laurie sang it as Bertie Wooster in the Jeeves and Wooster television series.
The story is set in San Domingo and the lyrics note the lovers "both were collared" and that "the gang" insisted the fleeing lovers take one of them along.
In the land of San Domingo,
Lived a girl called Oh! by Jingo,
Ja da Ja da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
From the fields and from the marshes,
Came the old and young by Goshes,
Ja da Ja da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
They all spoke with a diff’rent lingo,
But they all loved Oh by Jingo,
And ev’ry night they sang in the pale moonlight.
Oh! by Gee! by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jingo, won’t you hear our love
We will build for you a hut
You will be our fav’rite nut
We’ll have a lot of little Oh by Gollies,
Then we’ll put them in the Follies
By Jingo said, By Gosh, By Gee
By Jiminy please don’t bother me
So they all went away singing
Oh by Gee, by Gosh by Gum, by Jove by Jingo,
by Gee, you’re the only girl for me.
Oh by Jingo had a lover,
He was always undercover,
Ta da da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
Ev’ry night she used to meet him,
Oh how nice she used to treat him,
Ta da da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
They eloped but they both were collared,
And the gang stood there and hollered,
Don’t raise a fuss, you’ve got to take one of us.
Chorus
Oh! by Gee! by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jingo, won't you hear our love
We will live out in a tent
Cheat the landlord of his rent
We'll have a lot of little Jiminy Crickets,
We can use them for meal tickets
By Jingo said, Now boys don't rave
I have put four husbands in the grave
So they all went away singing
Oh by Gee, by Gosh by Gum, by Jove, by Jingo,
By Gee, you're the only girl for me.
Home they went with spirits wilted
On account of they were jilted
(All the By-Goshes, with hearts down to their galoshes!)
All winter long they brooded—that is, all but very few did
(They left to join a fan club for Lana Toyn-a.)
The rest wrote to Beatrice Fairfax
Got the how-to-make-him-care facts
So came the spring
They sailed once more to sing:
Oh by Gee, by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jiminy you're the one we love
We will build for you a hut
You will be our favorite nut
Then we'll have a bunch of Oh-By-Gollies
And we'll put them all in the Follies
(Oh) By Gee, by Gosh, by . . . [improv segment]
By Jiminy you're the one for me!
***
Good-night, Nurse is a Comic Song by Thomas J. Gray and W. Raymond Walker, 1922. Hear a Victor recording here.
Was taken to a hospital,
And there he met a swell Nurse Gal
And right away our Sam got gay
He soon forgot about his ills
Made love when she brought him pills,
Ev'ry night when she would go off duty
Sam would hollar out, "Come here, my Cutey,"
Good-night nurse! Tell the doctor I'm no better;
Good-night nurse! write my folks a letter
Say I need a rest and you fear I had better stay here a year,
Feel my pulse, hold my head a little longer,
How's my heart? Don't you think it's getting stronger?
Call me in the morning or I'll get worse!
Kiss your little patient, Good-night Nurse!
This tale they tell, How Sam got well
The day he left his cozy bed he met his old girl and was wen,
But married life, Sam and his wife,
Soon agreed to disagree,
When he said "That nurse for me!"
Pots and pans his wife then started throwing
Sam'd back in the hospital a crowing (chorus)
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