Irving Berlin, New York Genius by James Kaplan

I sped through this delightful biography of Irving Berlin in two days.  From the Preface to the end, I was totally captivated.

James Kaplan presents the iconic composer's nine-decade contribution to the Great American Songbook through Berlin's work, personal experience, and as a Jewish immigrant. It's a rags-to-riches story based on Berlin's intense work ethic, but he was also helped along by friends and peers.

Everyone knows Berlin's God Bless America. It was written during WWI but was set aside until WWII when Berlin dusted it off and finally shared it with the world.  It was the right song at the right time. White Christmas is another well-beloved Berlin song that matched its time, resonating with WWII troops across the world.

Berlin was criticized for his patriotic song--because he was an immigrant. The Beilin/Baline family fled Russia's pogroms to settle in New York City. Berlin's father was a cantor, usually unemployed. After his father's early death, Berlin left home to fend for himself. The story of Berlin's years on the street, selling newspapers and busking Tin Pan Alley songs, exemplifies his life-long work ethic, pluck, and luck. 

Unable to read or write music, Berlin worked with a series of pianists who brought what Berlin heard in his head to the page.

As a Jew, Berlin encountered the rampant anti-Semitism leading up to WWII.

Berlin created a Christmas song without religion and his Easter Parade brought a secular vision of the most important Christian celebration. 

I was familiar with many of Berlin's hits because I have been a sheet music collector for forty years. 

1909

I wrote about My Wife's Gone to the Country Hurrah! Hurrah!; read it here.

1911

Berlin revived Rag Time with his megahit march Alexander's Ragtime Band which George Gershwin considered "the first real American musical work."

1911

1912

1913

WWI found Berlin conscripted, supporting the troops with a traveling revue, Yip Yip Yaphank. Actual soldiers performed. His song Oh! How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning resonated with millions. I wrote about it previously here.

1918

The musical revue was Berlin's favorite venue to write for.

1920

Berlin opened the Music Box Theatre to present his revues.

1921

1928

1928

Berlin wrote for Hollywood, including the music for the Marx Brother's first film The Cocoanuts. 

1929

1930

1937

During WWII, Berlin revived his revue Yip Yip Yaphank, taking the show on the road to soldiers at both fronts of the war. A movie version of the revue was released as This Is The Army.

During the war, other songwriters had successful shows on Broadway. Berlin chose to support the troops over advancing his career. He was exhausted and personally broke by war's end, struggling to adapt to peacetime.

1942

Berlin came to write Annie Get Your Gun after the death of Jerome Kern and he was offered to replace his dear friend.

Berlin was exhausted from taking his revue across the world. He was worried about writing for a Western, female character. It was his biggest challenge and he excelled, creating his best work.

1946

Berlin did the remarkable: he asked for a lower share of royalty percentage and that the show's producers Rodgers and Hammerstein and librettists Dorothy and Herbert Fields share equal billing with him on all publicity and sheet music. 

His later work never met with the same success.

1950

Berlin lived to be 101 years old.

1952

Berlin's friends and peers populate the biography as well, including Harold Arlen, a fellow wordsmith and cantor's son. (Read my review of Arlen's biography, The Man Who Got Away by Walter Rimler, here.)

I was given access to a free ebook by the publisher through NetGalley. My review is fair and unbiased.

All sheet music pictured is from my personal collection.

Kaplan's book is a part of Yale University Press's series on Jewish Lives.

Irving Berlin: American Genius
by James Kaplan
Yale University Press
Publication November 5, 2019
Price: $26.00
ISBN: 9780300180480

from the publisher:

Irving Berlin (1888–1989) has been called—by George Gershwin, among others—the greatest songwriter of the golden age of the American popular song. “Berlin has no place in American music,” legendary composer Jerome Kern wrote; “he is American music.” In a career that spanned an astonishing nine decades, Berlin wrote some fifteen hundred tunes, including “Alexander’s Ragtime Band,” “God Bless America,” and “White Christmas.” From ragtime to the rock era, Berlin’s work has endured in the very fiber of American national identity.

Exploring the interplay of Berlin’s life with the life of New York City, noted biographer James Kaplan offers a visceral narrative of Berlin as self‑made man and witty, wily, tough Jewish immigrant. This fast‑paced, musically opinionated biography uncovers Berlin’s unique brilliance as a composer of music and lyrics. Masterfully written and psychologically penetrating, Kaplan’s book underscores Berlin’s continued relevance in American popular culture.

Vintage Sheet Music: Romance Under the Trees

Decades before the WWII hit song Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree with Anyone Else But Me, trees figured in courtship songs. Gardens and orchards and the great outdoors were places where lovers could coo in sweet privacy. Love and Gardens have associated with love since Adam and Eve.

Is There Still Room For Me Neath the Old Apple Tree by Edgar Leslie, Lew Brown and Maurie Abrahams, 1915, has a man telephoning his sweetheart back home. The recording even includes a ringing phone! Hear a Victor recording performed by the Peerless Quartet here.

Hello there long distance, please don't make me wait in vain
I asked you to connect me with a homestead down in Maine
I hate to hold the wire, don't get mad if I complain
I long to hear my sweetheart's voice again
Oh, hello dear, yes, this is me, I'm many miles away
I'm lonesome and I just called up to say

Is there still room for me
'Neath the old apple tree
Where there once was a bench for two
Oh, that bench wasn't long
And you know it wasn't strong
When I sat there with you

I've got fare back to Maine
And I'll jump on a train
If your heart beats as fond and as true
Is there still room for me
'Neath the old apple tree
If there is I'll come back to you

Listen operator, what's the matter with this phone
It seems to me you never had a sweetheart of your own
You say there's wire trouble and you've got the numbers mixed
Well, hurry up and get the wires fixed
Is that you dear? Yes I can hear, they cut us off somehow
I'm waiting and I want your answer now

Is there still room for me
'Neath the old apple tree
Where there once was a bench for two
Oh, that bench wasn't long
And you know it wasn't strong
When I sat there with you

I've got fare back to Maine
And I'll jump on a train
If your heart beats as fond and as true
Is there still room for me
'Neath the old apple tree
If there is I'll come back to you

***

After their hit In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree, Williams & Van Alstyne gave us Neath the Old Cherry Tree Sweet Marie by Williams & Van Alstyne, 1907, performed by Josephine Gassman,  Hear it here.

Gassman (1882-1962) was a "coon shouter" who performed "coon songs" with African American children, the act known as Josephine Gassman and her Pickaninnies. They toured from 1898 to 1906 across America and the world, playing the Orpheum with Will Rogers. One notice mentioned the "pickanninies" antics and their cake walk as well received. Acts with female singers and African American children were popular and included Louise Dresser and her Picks.

The drowsy robin to his mate was calling,

The sun was slowly sinking in the West,

The creeping shadows to the East were falling,

'was then I felt a throb within my breast,

For it was with you I used to wander,

And court you in the good old fashioned way,

But now I sit alone at night and ponder,

And wonder if we'll meet another day.

'Neath the old cherry tree, sweet Marie,

Where you first gave your heart, love, to me,

Not a word did you say,

But as you turned away 

I could see, sweet Marie, I could see,

Though your lips were as still and as red

As the cherries that hung over head,

Both your eyes told me well,

What your lips dared not tell,

'Neath the old cherry tree, sweet Marie.

In loneliness I turn the picture over,

And in my mind I see you painted there,

As fresh tonight as were the stems of clover

I wove in to the tangle of your hair

Perhaps another sits beneath the tree, dear,

Perhaps you're telling him you love him too,

Or maybe you have saved a thought of me, dear,

And dreamed I might again be there with you. (chorus)

***

The hit song Take Me Back to the Garden of Love by E. Ray Goetz and Nat. Osborne, 1911, performed by Cario Portello, says his sweetheart's love is a garden in itself. Hear it sung by Walter Von Brunt here.

Sweet thoughts of first love are filling me,

With joy but once we feel;

While thoughts of fear are thrilling me,

Its joy may prove unreal.

Often ‘twould seem love is luring me,

To find that you’re untrue;

To have, you reassure me,

In hope I long for you.

[Chorus]

Take me back to your Garden of Love, dear,

Once again let me bloom in your heart,

Take me back to the beautiful spring time,

Where sunshine and love never part.

To the rose in my heart that is dying,

You are just like the dew from above,

I need you, I want you, I love you,

Take me back to your Garden of Love.

If in your heart you regret me not,

Renew each vow to me;

Just like a sweet forget-me-not,

Once more each word will be.

If in your dreams you could understand,

Your love’s a fragrant bow’r;

Your heart’s my key to wonderland,

Come claim this fading flow’r. (chorus)

***

Continuing the fruit tree theme, here is When It's Apple Blossom Time in Normandie by Mellor Gifford and Trevor, 1912, sung by Kathleen Clifford, Hear an instrumental recording here and a vocal recording here.

On a farm in Normandy,

There resided Rose Marie,

She was the pride of the country side,

Fair as a maid could be.

Came a lover bold one day,

When a most persuasive lay,

Tho’ she was grieving, when he was leaving,

He consol’d her in this way.

Chorus

When it’s apple blossom time in Normandy!

I want to be in Normandy,

By that dear old wishing well,

With you, Marie!

When it’s apple blossom time in Normandy,

I’m coming back to woo,

And the spring will bring a wedding ring,

Little sweetheart to you!

Said Marie “It’s clear to me,

Tho’ sincere you seem to be,

I am afraid of the promise made;

You may not come back to me.

By the wishing well today,

I shall wish that you will stay”

Said he despairing, “Love, I’m declaring,

I’m in earnest, when I say. (chorus)

Apple blossom time soon came,

Rose Marie then chang’d her name,

For with the spring he had brought the ring,

His loving bride to claim.

By the wishing well they stray,

Happiness is theirs today,

‘Mid blossoms falling, he is recalling,

What he fondly used to say. (chorus)

***

Another Andrew B. Stirling and Harry Von Tilzer hit was Under the Yum Yum Tree, 1910. Hear an Edison recording here by Collins & Harlan, complete with a spoken interlude of stereotyped African Americans. Even in these love songs, racism was a sad source of humor.

There's a place to go where the breezes blow
And the hum of the bumble bee
As he buzzes by 'Neath a tinted sky
Is a sweet honeyed melody
Take your sweet heart true to this place with you
There's a spot where no one can see,
You can lovey, lovey, love
With your dovey, dovey, dove
Under the Yum Yum tree.

Chorus
Under the Yum Yum tree
That's the Yummiest place to be
When you take your baby by the hand
There'll be something doing down in Yum Yum land;
That is the place to play,
With your honey, and kiss all day,
When you're all by your lonely,
You and your only Yum! Yum! 
Yummy Yummy Yum under the Yum Yum tree.

Yum Yum tree just grew, in the land of "Coo"
It was planted by old King "Spoon"
Even birds that fly, in it's branches high,
Sing a soft little loving tune,
Cupid and his band haunt that goo goo land
And a dart in your heart there'll be
If you spoony, spoony spoon
'Neath the moony, moony, moon,
Under the Yum Yum tree. (chorus)

***

There may not be a tree mentioned, but there is a garden in When it's Ringtime in Springtime Then I'll Bring a Ring to You by Wm. Tracey and Ernest Breuer, performed by Bonita of Bonita and Lew Hern, 1917. I can find nothing about this song. 

Pauline De Landes (b. 1886)  married Lew Hern (b. 1882 in Poland, d. 1965) and between 1904 and 1914 they performed together in vaudeville.

Dearie, Springtime is falling 
I hear you calling too,
Sunshine and flow'rs,
Brighten the hours,
I'll soon be spending with you.

Chorus
When its ringtime in Springtime,
And the birds in the trees hum sweet melodies of love,
To a lonesome heart I'll be returning,
If that little spark of love's still burning,
Yearning, in the gloaming,
oh, my darling Love Ties we'll renew,
When it's ringtime in Springtime
Then I'll bring a ring to you.

Dearie, I know you're lonesome
I'm getting lonesome too,
Don't worry dear 
Soon you will hear,
Wedding bells ringing for you. (chorus)

***

The Garden of Beauty Waltzes by Carl Loveland (the pseudonym of Harry L Lincoln) is a piano solo published in 1913. I liked the segue from trees to garden, and had to share this lovely cover. Not the man waiting on the other side of the pond.

Vintage Sheet Music: Nostalgia

Looking backward is part of the human condition, and we as we age we can feel that our best days are behind us. It is no wonder so many songs have been written about earlier times.

The Good Old Days usually referred to an idealized rural life.

On a Good Old Fashioned Straw Ride is a novelty song by Dave Reed and George Christie from 1912,  performed by the musical marriage team of Maud Lambert and Ernest R. Ball,  Apple jack and hugging and kissing seem to be the main attraction of the straw ride experience. Along with playing on folk's nostalgia, there is a hefty dose of stereotyping the lingo of rural folk and a surprising amount of gol'darn cuss words. 

Listen to it here.

Folks are congregatin' from a far and wide,
Everybod's waitin' for the old straw ride
Every one's excited, Every one's delighted,
Every fellow's got a lady by his side;
Look at all the farmers in their right red hose!
Gals a galivantin' in their Sunday clothes!
Beautiful night time, 
That is the right time,
Time to forget your woes;
We'll dance all night, till broad daylight,
And wake up the goldarn town:
I'll hop around the fiddle, like a chicken on a griddle,
Till they have to take a rope and tie me down!

Under the glimmer of a great big moonbeam rollin' a long,
While we're all sing' a song,
It's great to cuddle and kiss some fair little Miss;
Then back to the pumpkin and the squash, by gosh, we'll merrily glide,
If you ain't huggin' and kissin', there's somethin' you're missin',
on a good old time straw ride.

'Tildy, hurry up and don't you stop to fuss!
Howdy, Zaccaria! Is there room for us?
Who is that a crushin' What's the use of rushin'?
Hiram, quit your ticklin', yer a gosh darn cuss,
Pass around the apple jack agin', by heck!

Who is that a droppin' peanuts down my neck?
This is the game, boys, I'm glad I came boys,
Ain't gonter cost one speck;
Say look here, Zeke, why don't you speak?
And don't look so goldern black!
Well, I recon, Mister Smarty, I'm a bustin' up yer party,
But to tell the truth, I'm sittin' on a tack! (chorus)

***

1905 Beaux Arts Edition piano solo of Home Sweet Home

Many nostalgia songs are about missing home, the most famous of course being Home, Sweet Home. Songs were written about other 'homes' as well. Here is Susquehanna Home by Dave Ringle published in 1924. Listen to an instrumental Victor recording here. It is a surprisingly upbeat tune.

Why did I stray, wanter away

Fool I was to ever roam

Cows in the corn,mooin' at dawn,

call me back to my old home

Like all rollin' stones I'm blue my roamin' days are thru'

Susquehanna Home, Land of honeycomb,

Like the pine trees I am pinin'

Like an old stray dog I'm whinin'

Longing to sneak home under cover

To my gray haird pal I love her, 

Moon a shinin' high 

Can't you hear me cry,

Old shack layin' back on the hill

I'll be comin' back for a thrill

Susquehanna home.

Stars twinkle bright all thru' the night

O'er the fields of silv'ry dew

Clouds floatin' by sure make me sigh

soon I will be floatin' too

Back to those I long to see where my heart will always be. (chorus)

***

As the last song shows, nostalgia for home is basically missing Mom. There are numerous songs idealizing mothers. Here are a few.

Mother Dear by J. A. Pedersen and Ted. S. Barron, 1914, is one example.

The shadows are softly falling,
I sit and dream alone.
On fond mem'ry's ship I take a trip
ack to my dear old home.
Back to those happy childhood days,
The dearest days of all;
I long to be back there again
In those days beyond recall.

I long to nestle in your arms again, Mother dear,
For in my dream your sweet voice still I hear,
your face I seem to see,
I hear you calling me,
Back to dear old home sweet home and mother dear.

In memory I am longing 
To be a child once more, 
To roam once again 'mid scenes of youth,
With loved ones I adore.
My thoughts are all of mother dear,
Tho' I am far away,
My heart is filled with longing
Just to be back home some day. (chorus)

***

Another mother song, Mother of Mine, by George A. Little and J. D. Stanley, 1913, is one of many with the same title and the least well known. 

There is one that I'll love when the seas restless wave

Will not beat on the sandy shore,

There is one name I'll breath

When the Father who gave

Tells me that my life's work is o'er.

Mother of mine, mother of mine,

Seems that you're always beside me,

Your eyes divine ever will shine,

Through all my sorrow you guide me.

When on the day I pass away,

to that new land of sunshine,

Again on your breast I'll find sweet rest,

Mother, O, mother of mine!

When the light silver hair first grew into the gold,

And the smile sweet to see passed away,

When the light in her eyes

Father Time's story told

Then I knew all I lost that sad day. (chorus)

The lyrics recalling mother may seem saccharine to us today, and a stereotype of an idealized mother. Behind them lurks the sad reality of how short a woman's life was, how many lost their mothers early in life. Childbearing, disease, overwork taxed a woman's health. If one considers that the son's memories of his mother are from his childhood and that perhaps he lost her early in life, we see the song in a different light.

***

Mother was a standard by which all girls were measured. Men wanted to marry their mother. Or at least a gal who reminded him of dear old Mom.

Just As Your Mother Was by Andrew B. Sterling and by Harry Von Tilzer, 1917, is a good example of what men wanted in a wife...Well. Some men. Listen to it here.

Wedding bells are ringing,
Choir sweetly singing,
Soon the happy bride will ride away.
As she whispers “Good-bye, Daddy,”
To her father old and gray.
Tenderly he holds her;
Tears are in his eyes.
“Listen, child,” he whispers fond and low.
“Your mother was an angel,
and you’re an angel, too,
For you look just like your mother, long ago.

You’ve got the same eyes of blue,
You’ve got the same sweet smile, too,
And may the angels up above you
Watch and love you all life through.
You’ve got the same loving way,
And ev’ry night I’ll kneel and pray
That you’ll be through life,
a good true wife, dear,
Just as your mother was.”

“Just a simple story;
Love in all its glory—
Sun or storm your mother’s love was true.
But the angels came and took her
On the day they left me you.
Tenderly I watched you
Growing day by day;
Now the time to part is drawing near.
Remember that your mother
was steadfast, staunch, and true,
And I know you’ll always be like her, my dear.

***

The times were changing fast. But some were holding steadfastly to the old ways. 

I can't find anything on An Old Fashioned Girlie by James O'Dea and Sam S. Krams and Jack Von Tilzer from 1914! James O'Dea (1870-1914) married Lyricist and Songwriter Hall of Fame star Anne Caldwell in August 1904 and they had two children.

They wandered where this City meets the town,

The girl was dressed in simple gingham gown,

The boy who came to woo as sweethearts often do,

Gazed lovingly into the eyes of brown

"I don't see what you see in me," she said,

"Old fashioned as I am, and country bred."

The boy said with a smile,

"I like a girl of style 

But believe me, dear, I'd rather have instead,

An old fashioned girlie in an old-fashioned frock

An old fashioned candlelight a glow,

An old fashioned sofa and an old fashioned clock

That's just about a half hour slow.

And old fashioned courtship with a wedding feast and then

A joy to last our whole lives through,

That's an old fashioned heaven with a bunch of six or seven

Old fashioned kids like you.

The maiden blushed and turned her head away,

She knew not what to do or what to say

The boy as you can guess,

with lover like caress, 

Said "dearest won't you name the wedding day,"

The birds were singing sweetly overhead,

The lily nodded to the roses red,

Two eyes with tears were wet,

To lips in kisses met

As once more the youthful lover fondly said, (chorus)

Vintage Sheet Music: Novelty, Nonsence, and Humor

A hundred years ago people loved a silly song, a song that made one laugh. Today I am sharing a selection novelty, nonsense, and humor sheet music.

No, No, Positively No by Chris Smith and Harry Brown was a 'great hit' in 1907, here performed by Thomas H. Cullen. Hear a 1927 recording here. 'Just say no' is good advice.

If there's such things as Jonahs, I must be one for fair

When good luck had been issued I guess I was nowhere there,

I went to see a hoodoo man to have my fortune told, 

He said, "no give me ten bills, and you'll find a pot of gold."

But I said, "no, no, no, oh, no positively no!

When I say no, no, no, oh, no,

then I mean that word to go

I use some judgment now and then,

I'd be a fool to give you ten,

So no, no, no, oh, no, emphatically no."

How well I can remember when I was but a child,

My mammy had some beehives in the back yard quite a while,

So brother Jim took me with him, one day to steal some hon',

Said sure, I like you, Jim, but I can't agree to let bees make pincushions out of me, (chorus)

Once Barnum Baily circus had come to town one day

A lion and a tiger got a fighting during the play,

Said I, "don't let them fight no more, you folks know right from wrong,

Then one said, "you go separate them, you look big and strong."  (chorus)

Some friends of mine had asked me to go with them to dine

A swell cafe we strolled in, I thought I'd have a scandalous time,

We'd all been drinking gin and beer and were full of fun and glee,

And when the waiter showered the check they all looked right at me (chorus)

***

Humor a hundred years ago was far from 'politically correct;' targets included women and immigrants and African Americans. 

The Preacher and the Bear by Joe Arizona published 1904 manages to be offensive to clergy and African Americans at once. Or at least African American clergy. And yet it was recorded over and over again, including by Andy Griffith and The New Christy Minstrels. Alan Lomax collected it in Kentucky. Listen to a 1908 Victor recording here.

 A preacher went out a-hunting;
‘Twas on one Sunday morn.
It was against his religion,
But he took his gun along.
He shot himself some very fine quail,
And one little measly hare,
And on his way returning home,
He met a grizzly bear.
The bear marched out in the middle of the road,
And he waltzed for the coon to see.
The coon got so excited that he climbed a ‘simmon tree.
The bear set down upon the ground,
And the coon climbed out on a limb.
He cast his eyes to the God in the skies,
And this is what he said to him:

Chorus: “Oh, Lordy, you delivered Daniel from the lion’s den.
Also delivered Jonah from the belly of the whale and then
Three Hebrew children from the fiery furnace,
The good books do declare.
Now, Lord, Lordy, Lord, if you can’t help me,
For sakes, don’t help that bear.”

This coon stayed up in that there tree,
And I think it was all night.
He says, “Oh, Lord, if you don’t help the bear,
You’re gonna see an awful fight.”
Just about that time the limb let go,
And the coon came tumbling down.
You should have seen him get his razor
Before he hit the ground.
He hit the ground a-cutting right and left,
And he put up a very game fight.
Just then that bear, he hugged this coon,
And he squeezed him a little too tight.
The coon, he lost his razor,
But the bear held out with a vim.
He cast his eyes to the God in the skies,
And this is what he said to him: (Chorus)

***

Dance crazes have been around for a long time, and the Shimmie was one of the early ones.

Everybody Shimmies Now by Joe Gold and Edmund J. Porray with lyrics by Eugene West was introduced by Sophie Ticker and her 5 Kings of Syncopation in 1918. Hear the All Star Trio Victor recording here. This Tin Pan Alley song made Mae West famous and the sheet music was also published with Mae on the cover.

Honey baby, won't you come and take a chance,
Sweet tootie, let us do it now
That nervous sort of movement like Saint Vitus dance,
Sweet Mama won't you show me how
That dance that I love best,
The dance the folks are doing with their chests.

'Cause everybody shimmies now
Everybody's learning how
Brother Bill, Sister Kate, Shive like jelly on a plate,
Shimmie dancing can't be beat.
Moves everything except your feet.
Feeble folks mighty old shake the shimmie and they shake it bold
Oh! Honey won't you show me how
'Cause everybody shimmies now.

Honey baby, can't you hear the jass [sic] band play,
Oh, dearie, I just can't keep still
That syncopated music make me feel so gay,
I just must sway against my will
Now babe, don't be afraid
Come on and to the dance that's up to date.
'Cause everybody shimmies now (chorus)

***

The Shimmie was scandalous and sexy. Ragtime was obviously the work of nefarious creatures.

The Ragtime Goblin Man by Andrew B. Sterling and Harry von Tilzer from 1911 was a virtual warning. Ragtime was out to take prisoners and there was no escape. Hear a Victor recording here.

A ragtime goblin man he comes around and softly hums a ragtime tune.
I know he followed me, he'll catch me sure, 
And then there'll be a ragtime swoon,
He's beside me, hide me, hide me, 
I can' feel his breath, Oh I'm scared to death,
He will take me, shake me, make me join his raggedy band.
That goblin man, that goblin man.

Look out for the goblin man, that ragtime goblin man,
Look out for the book in his hand, that great big book in his hand,
There he is, there he is, he is there,
see his eyes, see his eyes, see his eyes glare,
Mister bugaboo, if he catches you, he'll beat you, then he'll eat you,
Run, run, just as fast as you can from the ragtime goblin man.
Hide, hide, or he'll give you a ride, just hear him shout
Look out, look out, for the rag, rag, rag, ragtime goblin man.

That ragtime goblin man was mild, what was it drove him wild?
A ragtime tune, on dark nights just look out
He'll catch you if  you sing about a ragtime moon,
If he grabs you, grabs you, jabs you, you won't get away
Cause you'll have to stay, then he'll bring you, sting you, fling you
To his raggedy band, see, he, want to get me, that goblin man. (chorus)

***

Maggie!"Yes Ma'am" Come Right Up Stairs by Leslie Moore and Johnny Tucker dates to 1922 and was performed by Smith and Stritt in Vaudeville. Hear a 78 recording here.

There's a family right next door
Wakes us up at three or four
When the daughter comes home with her beau
First they stand outside and chin
After they tiptoe in and begin their spooning down below
Then when all is quiet in the hall, downstairs you hear her mother call

Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Who's with you there?
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Stop that affair!
Why does it take you so long to say goodnight?
You know I've told you always, it's not safe to stand in hallways.

Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Give him his hat. 
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Just leave him flat
I forgot what mother taught me, that is how your father caught me.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Come right upstairs

Maggie doesn't care a bit what the neighbors think of it.
She declares that lovin' is no crime
Even tho' her sweetheart Dan was always a union man
Maggie has him working overtime
Now and then they lean against a bell
Then the whole darn house begins to yell

Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Who's with you there?
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Stop that affair!
You'll wake the neighbors the way you carry on.
I'm gonna get a copper to chase that young finale-hopper.

Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Give him his hat.
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Just leave him flat.
Give his face a darn good smacking if he starts to be wisecracking
Maggie! (Yes, Ma'am?) Come right upstairs.

***

One of Tin Pan Alley's greatest hits was the 1920 Oh By Jingo! was written by Lew Brown and Albert Von Tilzer. Listen to recordings here.

It appeared in Linger Longer Letty, sung by Charlotte Greenwood who created Letty as her alter ego. The song has been recorded by many artists over the years. Hugh Laurie sang it as Bertie Wooster in the Jeeves and Wooster television series.

The story is set in San Domingo and the lyrics note the lovers "both were collared" and that "the gang" insisted the fleeing lovers take one of them along.

In the land of San Domingo,
Lived a girl called Oh! by Jingo,
Ja da Ja da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
From the fields and from the marshes,
Came the old and young by Goshes,
Ja da Ja da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
They all spoke with a diff’rent lingo,
But they all loved Oh by Jingo,
And ev’ry night they sang in the pale moonlight.

Oh! by Gee! by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jingo, won’t you hear our love
We will build for you a hut
You will be our fav’rite nut
We’ll have a lot of little Oh by Gollies,
Then we’ll put them in the Follies
By Jingo said, By Gosh, By Gee
By Jiminy please don’t bother me
So they all went away singing
Oh by Gee, by Gosh by Gum, by Jove by Jingo,
by Gee, you’re the only girl for me.

Oh by Jingo had a lover,
He was always undercover,
Ta da da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
Ev’ry night she used to meet him,
Oh how nice she used to treat him,
Ta da da da da da da da, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a, ump-a,
They eloped but they both were collared,
And the gang stood there and hollered,
Don’t raise a fuss, you’ve got to take one of us.
Chorus 

Oh! by Gee! by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jingo, won't you hear our love
We will live out in a tent
Cheat the landlord of his rent
We'll have a lot of little Jiminy Crickets,
We can use them for meal tickets
By Jingo said, Now boys don't rave
I have put four husbands in the grave
So they all went away singing
Oh by Gee, by Gosh by Gum, by Jove, by Jingo,
By Gee, you're the only girl for me. 

Home they went with spirits wilted
On account of they were jilted
(All the By-Goshes, with hearts down to their galoshes!)
All winter long they brooded—that is, all but very few did
(They left to join a fan club for Lana Toyn-a.)
The rest wrote to Beatrice Fairfax
Got the how-to-make-him-care facts
So came the spring
They sailed once more to sing:
Oh by Gee, by Gosh, by Gum, by Jove
Oh by Jiminy you're the one we love
We will build for you a hut
You will be our favorite nut
Then we'll have a bunch of Oh-By-Gollies
And we'll put them all in the Follies
(Oh) By Gee, by Gosh, by . . . [improv segment]
By Jiminy you're the one for me! 

***

Good-night, Nurse is a Comic Song by Thomas J. Gray and W. Raymond Walker, 1922. Hear a Victor recording here.

Now Sam McKee was sick and he
Was taken to a hospital,
And there he met a swell Nurse Gal
And right away our Sam got gay
He soon forgot about his ills
Made love when she brought him pills,
Ev'ry night when she would go off duty
Sam would hollar out, "Come here, my Cutey,"

Good-night nurse! Tell the doctor I'm no better;
Good-night nurse! write my folks a letter
Say I need a rest and you fear I had better stay here a year,
Feel my pulse, hold my head a little longer,
How's my heart? Don't you think it's getting stronger?
Call me in the morning or I'll get worse!
Kiss your little patient, Good-night Nurse!

This tale they tell, How Sam got well
The day he left his cozy bed he met his old girl and was wen,
But married life, Sam and his wife,
Soon agreed to disagree, 
When he said "That nurse for me!"
Pots and pans his wife then started throwing
Sam'd back in the hospital a crowing (chorus)

Vintage Sheet Music: Humorous Songs About Men and the Racism Often Behind The Songs

Vaudeville and Music Hall songs were the pop music of their day. People enjoyed songs with humor and satire. Today, let's look at songs about men.

He's A Devil in His Own Home Town by Irving Berlin and Grand Clark was published in 1914 and sung by John Canfield. Hear a Victor recording by Billy Murray here. One online source states that Berlin also provided the sheet music cover art!

I've got an uncle by the name of Jerry
He's got a farm, a great big farm
Two thousand acres of the very, very
Best land in the whole United States
He's got a reputation in the village
Known as a dude, a gosh darn dude
He would never do in New York City
But in his home town

[Refrain:]
He's a devil, he's a devil
He's a devil in his own home town
On the level, on the level
He's as funny as a clown
He spends a five cent piece, thinks nothing of it
His pants all creased, red vest above it
And when it comes to women, oh! oh! oh! oh!
He's a devil, he's a devil
Telling stories in a groc'ry store
On the level, on the level
Has 'em rolling on the floor
Down at the fair with all the other heckers
He received first prize for playing checkers
And he cheated
Can you beat it?
He's a devil in his own home town

[2nd verse:]
He's got an overcoat that's fine and furry
Gold-headed cane that came from Spain
They've even got him saying "I should worry"
Just like all the sporty city folks
You ought to see the way he spends his money
He bought a box of hole-proof socks
They would never do for New York City
But in his home town (chorus)

***

Rube Goldberg's song I'm The Guy ('noise,' ie, music by Bert Grant) dates to 1912. Goldberg had a cartoon series in the newspaper called I'm the Guy, featuring a cantankerous man who asserted preposterous claims. Read more here. Here Billy Murray sing it here or here.

When they hear me talk, when they see me walk,
People turn around to say: "Who's That?"
All the people cry, all the ladies sigh,
'Till they know exactly where I'm at
The Kaiser shines my shoes
The Csar pours out my boose,
And the King of England cuts my hair,
I eat a bale of hay for breakfeast [sic] every day,
I'm here, I'm there, I'm mostly every where.

I'm the guy that put the salt in the ocean
I'm the guy that put the bones in fish,
I'm the guy can't tell a lie, 'I'll always live, I'll never die.
In the wishbone, I'm the guy that put the wish
I'm the guy that put the smoke in chimneys
I'm the guy that put the leave on trees
What's that? Who and I? Don't you know?
I'm the guy that put the holes in sweitzer cheese.

I wear stylish clothes, I'm the guy that knows,
Why a chicken goes across the street.
I'm the only man knows how old is Ann,
And I place each copper on his beat
My shoes are diamond soled, my bed is made of gold,
Twenty thousand servants bring my meals
I'm chased by pretty girls and Dukes and Lords and Earls,
And I'm the final court of all appeals.

I'm the guy that put the sand on the beaches,
I'm the guy that put the crust on pies,
I'm the guy that's far and nigh,
I take a bath and come out dry,
I'm the guy that puts the wings on little flies
I'm the guy that put the hump on the camel
I'm the guy that put the cough in croup
What's That? Don't you know?
I'm the guy, I'm the guy that put the noise in noodle soup.

When I take a car, going fast and far,
No one dares to ask me for my fare
Ev'ry one who knows, says "look, there he goes!"
Gee, there's nothing to it, I'm a bear
I've got a million wives who'll sacrifice their lives,
Just to make things comf'table for me,
I live on fancy things, prepared by Queens and Kings,
I go to ev'ry show admission free.
I'm the guy that put the notes in music
I' the guy that put the horns on deer,
What's that? Who am I? Don't you know?
I'm the guy that put the foam on beer.

***

The comedy patter song Oh! Mister Gallagher and Mister Shean was featured in the Ziegfield Follies of 1922. Al Shean (born Abraham Schoenberg; he was a brother to the Marx brother's mother) and Edward Gallagher performed together between 1910 and 1914 then reunited for the 1920 Frivolities review with Gallagher & Shean in Egypt. Read more here and here.

Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher!
Gallagher: Hello, what's on your mind
This morning, Mister Shean?

Shean: Ev'rybody's making fun
Of the way our country's run
All the papers say
We'll soon live European.

Gallagher: Why Mister Shean,
Why Mister Shean.
On the day they took away
Our old canteen,
Cost of living went so high
That it's cheaper now to die.

Shean: Positively, Mister Gallagher.
Gallagher: Absolutely, Mister Shean.

Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
If you're a friend of mine,
You'll lend me a couple of bucks.
I'm so broke and badly bent,
And I haven't got a cent.
I'm so clean you'd think
That I was washed with Lux.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
Do you mean to say
You haven't got a bean?
On my word as I'm alive,
I intended touching you for five.

Shean: Oh! I thank you Mister Gallagher.
Gallagher: You are welcome Mister Shean.

Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Once I think I saw you save a lady's life
In a rowboat out to sea.
You were a hero then to me,
And I thought perhaps
You've made this girl your wife.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
As she sunk I dove down like a submarine,
Dragged her up upon the shore,
Now she's mine forever more.

Shean: Who, the lady, Mister Gallagher?
Gallagher: No, the rowboat, Mister Shean.

Shean: Oh! Mister Gallagher,
Oh! Mister Gallagher,
What's the name of that game
They play on the links?
With a stick they knock the ball
Where you can't find it at all,
Then the caddie walks around
And thinks and thinks.

Gallagher: Oh! Mister Shean,
Oh! Mister Shean,
You don't even know a hazard from a green.
Its become a popular game,
And you don't even know its name,

Shean: Sure it's croquet, Mister Gallagher.
Gallagher: No, lawn tennis, Mister Shean.

***

People's sense of humor was very different a hundred years ago. Ethnic background and race and class were all standard comedic fare.

If You Knock the ''L' out of Kelly it Would Still be Kelley to Me by Sam. M. Lewis and Joe Young with music by Bert Grant, 1916. Illustration by the prolific illustrator Barbelle. This was a very popular song in both record and sheet music sales. Lewis also wrote Hello Central, Give Me No Man's Land and Where did Robinson Crusoe Go with Friday on Saturday Night.

Timothy Kelly, who owned a big store,
Wanted his name painted over the door,
One day Pat Clancy, the painter man came;
Tried to be fancy and misspelled the name;
Instead of Kelly with double "L - Y"
He painted Kelly, but one "L" was shy,
Pat said, "it looks right, but I want no pay,
I've reasoned it out in my own little way."

Timothy Kelly looked up at the sign,
He told Pat Clancy "that's no name of mine,
As a sign painter you'll never go far,
You're a fine painter like Kelly you are;
Shame on you Clancy, just see what you've done,
You've spoiled the name of an Irishman's son"
"Don't let an "L" come between us" said Pat,
"I've figured it out like a real diplomat."

Chorus
If I knock the "L" out of Kelly, 
It would still be Kelly to me;
Sure a single "L - Y" or a double "L - Y"
Should look just the same to an Irishman's eye

Knock off an "L" from Killarney,
Still Killarney it always will be,
But if I knock the "L" out of Kelly,
Sure he'd knock the "L" out of me.

***

Everybody Works But Father by Jean Havez was performed by Lew Dockstader and his Great Minstrel Company, published in 1905. Listen to it here and an orchestral version here.

Dockstader (born George Clapp) was the last great minstrel man who discovered Al Jolson. His comic monologues satirized Teddy Roosevelt. Today we view the minstrel show as having promoting racist stereotypes with its white men in blackface. This song is a good example of the stereotyping.

Every morning at six o'clock I go to my work,

With over coat buttoned up ‘round my neck no job would I shirk 

Winter wind blows ‘round my head cutting up my face, 

I tell you what I'd like to have my dear old father's place.

Chorus

Everybody works but father 

And he sits around all day, 

Feet in front of the fire 

Smoking his pipe of clay, 

Mother takes in washing 

So does sister Ann, 

Everybody works at our house but my old man.

A man named Work moved into town, and father heard the news, 

With work so near my father started shaking in his shoes, 

When Mister Work walked by my house he saw with great surprise,

My father sitting in his chair with blinders on his eyes.

(Chorus)

At beating carpets father said he simply was immense, 

We took the parlor carpet out and hung it on the fence,

My mother said:"now beat it dear, with all you might and main" 

And father beat it right back to the fireside again.

(Chorus)

***

I have trouble understanding how a song about an elderly man's pain was funny. I am sure that a hundred years ago that every man, if he lived long enough, suffered pain after the hard physical and manual labor his work entailed.

Written in 1912, the 'coast to coast hit' I've Got the Rumatiz by Carl Summers was performed by the Texas Four. This sheet music dates to 1918; the original showed an African American man with a cane indicating the song was one more that used African Americans as a source of humor.

I've taken every medicine that's said to be
The best for "rumatizum" but they don't cure me
most everything in the old almanac I use;
But it don't do any good it just gives me the blues.
I used to 'sing and dance the wing, most every day,
I thought that it would surely keep the pain away
But Lordy, the old things got me sore
And I' all crippled up and don't dance anymore.

Chorus:
I've got the 'rumatiz', Oh, gee whiz!
I've got the 'rumatiz' all over me,
I've got it in my ankle and I've got it in my knee,
Now if a Doctor doesn't come here and cure my pain
Then I am positive that I will go insane
'Cause I've got 'rumatiz' Oh, gee whiz!
I've got the 'rumatiz' all over me.

Oh! It's the worst pain that a fellow ever knew,
The doctors all look wise but can't tell what to do,
They use a lot of big words I don't understan'
Write some chinese [sic] on a paper for the drugstore man.
"Do what I say and I am sure I'll do you good"
Said one old doctor and I was quite sure he would;
He got all my money for his fee,
Bt still I have the 'rumatiz' all over me.
Chorus

***

Prohibition took away what little 'fun' a man had. Written by the stellar team Andrew B. Sterling and Harry Von Tilzer, Whoa January You're Going to be Worse than July) commemorated the last days of legal alcohol in 1919. This is another cover by Barbelle. Listen to it here.

The first of July they said we'd go dry,
And ev'ry one thought there'd be nothing to buy.
But you got yours, and I got mine,
And ev'ry one was happy we were feeling fine.
But soon we'll be through, then won't we feel blue,
No more we'll hear that "have another" sound.
Can you picture me saying "gimme some tea"
When Mister January comes around?

Chorus: Whoa January, oh January,
I hate to see you come 'round
July was mighty tough, but we could get enough,
And if we knew the barman we could get the reg'lar stuff.
But oh January, whoa January
I'm so sad I want to cry.
You're the month that's going to make my life a wreck;
I know I will turn into a horses neck!
Whoa January when you go dry
You're going to be worse than July.

Last night in a dream, how real it did seem,
A raspberry soda all smothered with cream,
Said peek-a-boo I'll get you soon,
The time is coming when you have to use a spoon!
They filled you I hear with two percent beer,
But soon you'll be an ice-cream soda hound.
There's drinks we can pick, but not one with a kick,
When Mister January comes around.

Chorus: Whoa January, oh January,
I hate to see you come 'round
July you made us think we couldn't get a drink,
But when we wanted something all we had to do was wink.
But oh January, Whoa January
So long good old rock and rye.
Mister Beethoven never made a hit with me.
'Cause it hasn't got the right authority.
Whoa January when you go dry
You're going to be worse than July, going to be worse than July,
Going to be worse than July.