Junior Jitters and Heartbreak

Eleventh Grade, the Junior Jitters year.

Life after high school was unimaginable. I worried about finding a job, paying income taxes, getting married, having children, and washing and ironing and paying the bills. I wanted something more. I wanted to dream.

Me in 1968

I knew my grades wouldn't get me into college. "I don’t know anything except avoiding homework, loving people, chasing boys, and wants and hopes and dreams and music and writing and reading and beauty and needing friendship," I wrote.

When Nancy Ensminger and I were nine years old we had discussed what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wanted to be a writer because I believed writers had the power to change people's lives. At sixteen I hoped to "learn to write" and publish. I wondered if I could "take up writing in college." It seems "impossible & improbable & obscure & obscene, but in dreams I see it as reality." My second hope was to "be a friend to mankind" and "a help to people."

I wrote in my journal,

"Could N. Gochenour be transformed into a poet or short story writer?  This mass of misspelled words and incorrect grammar be shuffled around to form a tangible and solid author-type person?
Do I dare to satisfy my childhood dream?  Do I dare to step out?  Do I dare try my hand at being somebody?  Can I succeed?"

I was very internally focused in my scribbling.

"Have you ever stood quietly and felt your heart beating inside of you? Be very still and don’t move or breathe. If you listen, you’ll feel it there. So faintly..."

"Thin lined paper beckons me to write. It makes me want to mess up its unblemished surface. It makes me want to write nicely with round, even letters and long words. I find it hard to pass up thin-lined paper. I have this need to create and write. I love writing—writing anything, even if only the alphabet or a perfection of one work, with curly-cues in all the right places. And I want to write of how [the boys I liked] never come, but always just look at you with those heavy eyes, and it’s always [the unsuitable boys] who find you. And how you are flattered into it though you know such differences exist and they aren’t the ones, but the [boy you like] goes off with other girls."

1968. My 'at home' uniform: sweatshirt, jeans, and moccasins.

On October 1 I wrote, "What am I doing? Taking history, economics, chemistry, I'm in PAC, editor of "Our Paper" [a project of the senior high Sunday School class at St John's Episcopal Church]. I write poetry. I also participate in that All-American game--Boys."

Herald article on the Political Action Club

On October 2 Mr. Warner came into Mr. Perry's economics class and called out, "Debbie!" and I said, "No-Nancy." I wrote, "He informed me to take International Relations. With that, Perry, Burroughs & Arndt I'd be prepared for college. Before he left he gave my book a karate kick off the desk & exclaimed to Mr. P, "You've got some ugly girls, too, huh?" Mr. Perry shook his head as Mr. W left, and a girl asked, "Who WAS that man!"

Mr Warner in my International Relations classroom, 1969

At least one teacher was talking to me about college.

On October 3 I wrote that everyone was carrying transistor radios to hear the World Series with the Detroit Tigers vs. the Cardinals. On Oct 11 I wrote that the Tigers had won.

I went to the first football game wearing my navy coat, a skirt, and my hair pulled back under a black lambswool pill box hat I found at a garage sale. My hat was crazy and a hit. My teachers remarked on it, with my chemistry teacher Mr. Heald teasing and asking if it was bear fur.

I went campaigning door-to-door with the Political Action Club. I recall we were for Romney for governor.

I bought and read news magazines, then cut the ads out to adorn my bedroom walls and to use in collages to illustrate books I made of my poetry. I had several poems in The Herald--pretty awful, derivative stuff! Including this poem:

page from my poetry book

We are all one in our fight.
our strength is one strength in our strife;
our weaknesses merge into one weakness;
our ideas build like blocks
to form one universal conception.

But when strength is pitted against strength
in one being;
when ideas are kept apart;
building blocks are missing
and the conception falls
as we will fall
if we are not all one in our flight.

a collage I made for my poem Spring Fever

Herald Staff 1968-69. I am in the second row on the far left

wearing one of Mom's 1950s wool skirts which I shortened.

One of my first articles for the Herald

 I got my class ring in October. I wore it proudly.

Me with red hair

My hair had become dark golden brown and Mom suggested I lighten it as I was born blond. Instead, I became a redhead! It took three generations to accomplish it, with my mom and grandmother helping. My Grandmother and Mother also encouraged me to try contact lens and helped me earn the $200 to buy them. They were green, to enhance my hazel eyes.

On October 20 my family went to Tonawanda. I wrote,

"We went to visit the Kuhns last night; called Nancy Ensminger. Saw the Randall’s today. V. N.! [Very nice] Mike R. is tall--And very cute. Quiet. I got in my 2 cents of mouth flapping. Amused him, too. Very Outgoing: in other words, NOISY, when I could be. Nice time, had coffee & pet their dog, who’s getting bald, and their gray cat, who has a fluorescent orange ball. Razing between Uncle Ken & I. Says I’m a hippie ‘cause I got de long hair."

Mike R. and I had played make believe about space aliens as kids. He grew up to become an actor and television weather reporter.

Nancy Ensminger and me, age 16, October 1968

"Oct. 21 Wore my contacts 5 ½ hrs. today. Yesterday I saw Nancy E. We talked, had our pics taken in a booth (25 cents) at Niesner’s, ate spaghetti, talked, said 'hi' to Bruce [Nancy's brother], and talked. Today we went to the store & I gypped Mom outta $1.99 for a shirt, $1.00 for pantyhose, and $1.00 for 4 scarves. We went to see a certain Louise Cole & mom got her wig fixed & we had pheasant & rabbit (and woodcock) sumpthin' or other that wasn’t half bad at all. I hardly—didn’t even—recognize my “old friend” --ha, ha-- Allan (Al.)  Dark hair and cute. He smiled when I got my mouth moving (same as with Mike) and got, in the end, so we could talk & joke & without bein’ scared of scaring one another or something & all. Showed me his pigeons & rabbits & chickens." [Louise Cole had been our hairdresser when we lived in Tonawanda. Her son was Allan.]

Nancy Ensminger, 1968

Nancy 1968

"Oct 24 We went to the Waterson’s [Doris Waterson was Mom's best friend from high school].  Eric [her youngest son] is lovable. Tom [her older son] there—shot a pheasant. Eric wanted to know what I was giving him this time!  I said, “A kiss!” No! But wait—this time you’re supposed to give ME a present! (Mr. Waterson said to say I wanted “Bunnie”) No—I couldn’t have him! I could have the black-nosed bunny—No. A Tiger?  No—send me your picture. (Eric had his school picture taken that day.)

"Yesterday Debbie [Becker] thought I had a beautiful voice when I played my guitar. Went to Guenther’s. I hardly recognized Stevie—er, Steve! Yipes! I didn’t let him be shy. I teased him. He needed a specific screw for his gun. Linda, Elaine, me, Deb & Steve all piled into the car & took off to about 50 billion stores looking for it. That’s about the extent of it. Tomorrow we’ll return, and then Monday—back to the rat race."

I was still doing art

My art reflecting the social times and psychedelic style

my poster, a typical 60s motif

My junior year classes included Chemistry with Mr. Heald, Herald Staff with Mr. Rosen, Economics with Mr. Perry, International Relations with Mr. Warner, Speech, American Lit, and US History.

I read the 1958 poem Univac to Univac by Louis B. Salomon in Speech class. Hear it here. It is about computers wondering if humans might take over the world. I also read my poem about the Christmas tree under the pen name Stephanie Valentine.

My Chemistry class was in the early afternoon. Mr. Heald would kick the metal trash can to get our attention when we drifted off. Sometimes my hand would keep writing as I nodded off and I woke up with my page all scribbled over. (In college I avoided early afternoon classes because I was still falling asleep at 2 pm!) I did not do well, but learned something because I wrote,

if only out of all this confusion

things could fall into an order--

any kind of order--

so i could observe the situation

and make decisions

but, no, it is as unstable

as an ozone atom.

I wrote that my Economics teacher "Mr. Perry spent the hour pointing out all the reasons why we should commit suicide or something because of the world (U.S.) situation." And I also wrote that I was tired of memorizing tariffs and laws and 'every darn thing.' I passed the class because I grasped the theory, but was inept at the application. My conversation starter became, "And what do you think of the national debt?" 50 years later it is still a relevant question!

I was in Girl's Choir for the second year. I had been in choir with many of these girls for two years now and had many friends. I have the best memories of these girls. We learned the Hallelujah Chorus that year and I would sing it walking through the hallways at school. (I still sing when walking, in the car, feeding the doggies, often making up songs. Still weird after all these years!) I also made new friends, Alta and Carol, who were a year older. 

We participated in the All-City Secondary Vocal Festival on Friday, April 25, 1969, at the Kimball High School Gymnasium. The Combined High School Girls’ Choirs performed:

     Gloria (from “Twelfth Mass”) —Mozart

     Go Not Far From Me, O God—Zingarelli

     Say It With Music—Berlin

     The Wizard of Oz Selections—Arlen

Girl's Choir 1968-69. I am in the third row, fifth from the right end.

Once night Dad drove Alta and me home from a football game. The radio was on and Alta and I sang along to Hey, Jude.

Alta introduced me to a boy who liked me. He took me to his church youth group, which was fun, but the church was very conservative. I remember seeing piles of books about the threat of Communism. The church was against dancing, smoking, drinking, etc. He stood me up one night when we were to go Christmas caroling so to cheer me up Alta took me to a party she was going to. Later one of the boys at the party told Alta he'd like to date me. She didn't think we were each other's type.

My friends Dorothy and Kathy bought me a Christmas present from Jacobson's, a tiger stripe fur hat from Jacobson's! I was very moved. The hat was weird enough to be just my style!

In January I was getting to know the boy from the Christmas party. He was a year older and not typically 'my type.' He was complicated with a difficult home life. And he wasn't interested any more in poetry or books than the other boys who wanted to date me. He got along with my folks and was at my house frequently. I really liked him. I fell into the trap many young girls fall into, thinking that we can solve a boy's problems. He warned that he knew he would "blow our relationship."

We went to the French Club Dance, meeting up with my friends and their beaus. Mom took my photo. It became a family legend! Mr. Warner, my International Relations teacher, made fun of it saying, “St. Nancy of Gochenspeil—This is your airline stewardess.” He kept it to share with his other classes.

Me before the 1969 French Club Dance.
That eagle is still in the family. It is not attached to my head.

Before the prom my relationship with my boyfriend had mutually ended. It broke my heart, yet I was determined to remain a friend because I knew my mom was a good support to him. Later I realized our break up was wise and right. But at the time I wrote a lot of bad poetry over it and it took many months to move beyond the pain.

May 9, 1968, a week before the anniversary of Joe Boten's death, I was feeling very low. I wrote that Mom gave me a Librium and drove me to school. It shocks me now to know Mom was on Librium and even more shocked that had given it to me. Because her psoriasis was believed to be made worse by stress, perhaps her doctor believed the Librium was good for her. There was a lot of bad medication going on back then, and Mom was desperate enough to try anything. Her neck, hands, and major joints were deformed by psoriatic arthritis. Winter found her crippled and bedridden. Neighbors came over during the day to help her out of bed.

Every week, I would put olive oil or a tar ointment in her hair at night. She wrapped her head and let the ointment loosen the psoriasis plaque overnight. A stint in the hospital involved a treatment where tar ointment was applied on her entire body, then she wrapped up in Saran wrap and let it soak overnight. Another treatment involved UV light therapy, but it was stopped when she developed pre-cancerous lesions. She was on and off Cortisone, which made her swell up and thinned her skin.

Mom relied on me to help her in the kitchen. I mashed potatoes and opened jars or cans because her hands were so crippled. I went shopping with her to help carry the bags. I did the Pepsi runs to keep her supplied so she didn't have to get up. Mom thought I would make a good physical therapist since I already was a home care health aide in training.

Also on May 9 I obtained an application for my family to host a foreign exchange student the next school year. A family friend was involved with Youth for Understanding and we had hosted an exchange student for a weekend.

Dad wrote in his memoirs, "We got to know one of Joyce's parent's neighbors in Berkeley, whose name was Anita. She was involved with a student exchange program called Youth for Understanding. She asked us to take a temporary exchange student. Joyce, Nancy, Tom and I talked it over and we decided we would like to get involved with the program."

I wonder if Mom thought it would get my mind off 'boy trouble' to have a sister.

Here I am with the exchange student we hosted for a week.

I already had a prom dress and, boyfriend or not, Mom was determined I would still go to the prom. I personally didn't care.

A neighbor boy had returned from Vietnam and his mom and my mom arranged for him to take me to the prom. Again, we joined up with my friends and their beaus for dinner. My date was nice, but we had nothing in common. He was very old fashioned and didn't believe in women going to college. I had to see my old beau with his new girl. I got to wear the dress but I did not truly enjoy myself.

Ready for the prom, 1968

I was determined not to fall into the depression I had suffered the previous year. My mantra became Resurgam-- I shall rise again. I believe I heard the term from Jane Eyre for it is on the tombstone of Jane's Lowood friend Helen.

I collected sayings to support me.

Jeremiah 8:4
“You shall say to them, thus says the Lord;
When men fall, do they not rise again?
If one turns away, does he not return?”

"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Luke 9:62

This may have been the summer when I met a church challenge to attend every Sunday all summer long. I won a copper metal bookmark.

I was awfully tired of growing up. I wrote a short poem,

When do the lessons end?
Is there so much to learn
to comprehend
that the lessons must go on forever,
no holiday, no end?

Summer came. I took Student Drivers Ed in summer school. Learning that alcohol kills brain cells I vowed to not drink. I figured I needed all the brain cells I had! And I did not drink until I was in my late twenties and my husband and I ordered a glass of wine at dinner.

In July I turned seventeen. I wrote that I had been naive and now I was 'corrupted' and looked with old eyes. ("The delicate core of my mind/is made of hopes and dreams/corrupted and destroyed/by harsh reality," I wrote in one poem).

I was truly concerned with the future, thinking more seriously about college, but I had no clue about how to get into college. My folks assumed I'd get married and that my brother would go to college. I was never pushed to improve my grades or rewarded for doing well. Although my orphaned grandfather Ramer had put himself through Susquehanna College and seminary and Columbia teacher's college in the 1920s, and supported my interests, he never said anything about my going to college either. And I still had never talked about it with my folks.

I had changed a lot during the year. I knew I was going to survive seventeen, and not only would I grow up--I finally wanted to.

On July 20, 1969, America landed men on the moon. Alta asked me to write a poem about it.

On the Virgin Soil, Touched

black, endless
rhinestone-set velvet
split
by a small silver needle
traveling by stitches
through space.

finite, three lives
existing
to carry out an excursion
in the name of mankind.

in-the-image-of-God
one foot
touched
the sterile
virgin
soil,
that now knows man.

millions afar--
eyes turned upward--
mouths
no words to form
speech taken away
by wonder
by fear
by sense of man's potential power
standing
in awe
of one foot
and the moon
the friction, touch
coming between.

Around fifteen years ago I made my quilt When Dreams Came True to celebrate the Apollo 11 mission. I used copyright free NASA photographs, fusible applique, commercial fabrics, and machine thread work and machine quilting.

When Dreams Came True by Nancy A. Bekofske

detail from When Dreams Came True by Nancy A. Bekofske

detail from When Dreams Came True by Nancy A. Bekofske

detail of When Dreams Came True by Nancy A. Bekofske

detail from When Dreams Came True by Nancy A. Bekofske

Nancy Writes a Story: Eighth Grade at Jane Addams

In 1965 I turned twelve years old. My homesickness was diminishing. My Eighth Grade school year was one of my best ever in terms of personal growth. Teachers exposed me to the arts, choral singing became a source of achievement, and I was writing my first stories.

Nancy in Eighth Grade sporting a 'flip'

The summer of 1965 included many visits with Tonawanda friends and family.

My Aunt Alice and Uncle Kenny and cousins Dave and Bev visited the summer before Eighth Grade. I wrote that I read The Adventures of Benjamin Pink by Garth Williams aloud to my cousins and brother. It was a book I read to my brother Tom many times; later my husband read it to our son.

In July we returned to Tonawanda. I documented the entire trip:

"4:20 here we go! We're on Main St. We are going to pass Gardenia now. We will be there in about 7 hours, 12 AM. Good luck.

"Woodward Ave ahead. We just passed B'wana Don's Pet Shop. Here's the start--Palmer's Park--and now the end. Turn left to Merrill Plaisance and then left again to Third. We've passed Ginera and Florence, Moss and Puritan, Pilgrim and Midland, Sear and La Bell, For and Pasadena, Grand W. and Davidson, Waverly, Tyler, Buena Vista, Avalon, to GLENDALE! (and those aren't all of the streets.)

"Now we're going down a ramp to the John C. Lodge highway. The speed limit is 44-55 so everyone is going 69-75. Then in the distance, above the trees, are the tops of the big buildings that make up the Detroit Skyline. Beautiful. Off a ramp to Vernor's highway, greeted by a sign with a giant tire about 10 feet high, turn off to Vendor. On the left is Tiger Stadium. Ahead is the Railroad station. 18th St now, left again to 22, and the Ambassador Bridge is towering up over us. Now we are towering over the Detroit River, full of boats. Goodbye, US. Goodbye Detroit. Goodbye Skyline. Hello, Canada. Hello, long ride."

The Giant Tire

We visited my Guenther cousins for a picnic on Sunday. The next day we visited the Levant Becker family. My cousin Debbie took me to visit Myra and Larry Peterson, whom I had met on another visit. I wrote, "I used that name for a fictitious character in one of my stories." The story was a mystery with Mr. Robinson, Jay Robinson, and Larry Robinson. It was only in my head, but I drew pictures of the scenes and characters.

drawing of character Larry Peterson

characters from my story

In August our Rosemont friends the Randalls visited us. They came in a camper and slept in it in our backyard. We went to Greenfield Village. The oldest boy and Mike went to the Henry Ford Museum, but the rest of us were tired and went for a ride and waited in the car. I was too shy to talk to Mike, although as kids we played together. I wrote, "I'll miss them."

When school began in the fall I was feeling more at home. Mrs. Hayden was my Eighth Grade homeblock teacher for English, Social Studies, and Communication. Mrs. Hayden saw my strengths. She encouraged my writing and art instead of making me feel bad for being introverted and shy.

I wrote my first story, The Saucer in Her Yard during Seventh Grade. I worked on it all year, adding to it and rewriting it. It was inspired by Star Girl, a book I'd read at Philip Sheridan Elementary school.

Janiel Corniel Zwiskan, an explorer and prince from the planet Prism, is stranded on Earth and needs to refuel his spaceship. He is discovered by children when he is filling his fuel container with water from their backyard hose. Once back home, Janiel is court marshaled for breaking the no-contact rule, not knowing he was set up by enemies plotting a power takeover.

my space ship

Janiel bravely stands trial knowing he faces a death sentence. But the king has arranged an escape: Janiel is provided a one-way ride back to Earth. I started Book Two of the story, entitled "Amnesia," with Janiel awakening on Earth with no memory. The children see and identify him as the man from the saucer.

I thought Janeil's homesickness and separation from his people were extraordinarily sad. But when I read my story out loud to my parents and grandparents there was laughter just when there should have been sighs and tears. I was mortified. I stopped sharing my stories with anyone.

Mrs. Hayden read aloud to class from The Hobbit and a book called Dorp Dead. The Hunter was a character in Dorp Dead and I was fascinated by the book.

The Hunter from Dorp Dead

Other books I read this year included The Great White North about the Scott expedition, Edgar Allan Poe's poems and stories, and Les Miserables. I read Les Miz over and over, as it was over my head, determined to understand the novel upon which my favorite Classics Illustrated Comic Book was based.

My entire homeblock class was in Glee Club. I had asked for Journalism as my elective; somebody told me that only the 'popular' kids got in. I was glad to be back with Mr. Henckel.

Mr Henckel and the Glee Club

That fall my childhood dog Pepper, who had lived with my grandparents, was old and cranky and suffering from tumors. I came home from school one day to learn that she had been euthanized. I was upset. My family wanted to spare me, but I never got to say 'goodbye'.

I discovered was that my friend Gail M.'s cousin Joe was in my class. I took out a church bulletin to fan myself during lunch and Joe, who was sitting near me, saw it and noted it was from his cousin's church. I told him she was my best friend. Gail and I went to youth group together a few times.

The Glee Club gave its first performance at a school assembly. I wrote, "We sat in the cafeteria until the orchestra was in the middle of the first piece. Over, up, onto the bleachers. Shaking, scared, nervous. The audience clapped. Mr. Martin announced us. The curtains opened. What a difference--same gym, only filled with people. It made it look larger. Mr. Henckel smiled; we began. I was shaking and smiling and singing. And that's hard to do all at once. Mr. Henkel kept making faces to make us smile. I almost broke out laughing. Silent Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, Joy to the World. He told us it was our best performance ever."

Mrs Hayden and Mr Henckel arranged for our the class to experience the arts. It was the greatest experience for me! We visited the Detroit Institute of Art, saw a film with ballet stars Nureyev and Fonteyn, and visited the Detroit Symphony. It changed my life. I begged to go back to the art museum and finally, Dad took me.

Mimeographed letter from Mr Henckel and Mrs Hayden
asking parents to have their children to watch an opera on television

I was taking piano lessons. Along with classical pieces, I learned piano versions of Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass hits and some pops pieces like Baby Elephant Walk.

I was listening to Motown hits on CKLW.

I went to church with my Grandfather Ramer. I knew a few of the kids in my Sunday School class.

I did not have a best friend like Nancy E. and I still felt different from the other girls. I had a few mild crushes on boys, nothing I talked about. It was more like 'noticing' them. Mom bought me white Go-Go boots that I would NOT wear. She hung Big Eye Children pictures on my bedroom wall.

my Big Eye kid drawings

I was already using writing to record my world and explore my inner life, and I dabbled in fiction. At the end of my diary for the year I wrote something that begins as self-exploration and a look at who I was after the move, but then turns into a fictionalized projection.

"She was in love, and she knew it. But with who, you ask? And here is the answer: with books. Peter Pan and Wendy, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Lord Jim. With people: Joan of Arc, Mark Twain, Nancy C. Ensminger, make-believe Red Scott Collie, Philip the boy from Mars, Homer the Ghost, and many others.

"She has many friends: Gail M, Janet L, Nancy E, Linda Guenther, but also enemies. Normal. She used to live in Kenmore, NY but now she lives in Royal Oak, MI. She would cry at night because there was not a person she could call a friend. Except for Gail.

"She wished she could be in NY again with Nancy E.

"She wished she had someone to walk to school with. It was a long walk. She would get four books out of the school library every Friday and Wednesday. She loved horse stories.

"Her greatest wish was she would become and author and be rich. She'd give lots of money to Care, Save the Children, and organizations to help needy people. She felt sad when she saw how some people live here and overseas.

"She wasn't prejudiced against people who were different. A person is human no matter what kind of person they are, they're all the same, she thought. What's the difference between a Japanese and an American? Color? Religion? So, they're still human and have should have the same equal rights.

"She thought it would be cruel to kill even an ant, a bee. To you, a tree in winter is bare and ugly, but to her, they looked like black lace against a white dress in the sky.

"She played a game: if she heard or saw a bird she would try to identify it. Her favorite bird was the Robin, which she considered good luck.

"She feels as if she isn't one person, but many. She acts one way at home, another at school, another when alone. She acts differently at with a friend than she does with a cousin.

"She was also afraid to grow up. She's afraid she will lose her imagination and ideas for stories. Maybe she would not face reality. She lived in a dream world.

"I know that girl. I am that girl. My name is Nancy Adair Ensminger. I can't get Peter Pan, Joan of Arc, Lord Jim, Hank Morgan out of my head. I am 11 years old. The End."

My idealism was already set. I spent my teen years endeavoring to live up to these ideals of loving and accepting everyone as they were, to do no harm, to encourage imagination, and to see beauty in nature.

1965 Newspaper article on Jane Addams School graffiti 

Eugene Gochenour's Memoirs: Life Goes On: Moving to Royal Oak

Dad continued his memoirs to include his new life in Royal Oak, MI. It is a story of the American Dream of the 1960s, a time when we believed that hard work and short-term sacrifice would lead to financial security.

Dad a few years after we moved

My Ramer grandparents and Mom's brother and sister were already living in Metro Detroit. Mom wanted to be near her family; Dad dreamt of a job in the auto industry. Dad was 34 years old and without retirement, life insurance, or health care. Working for the auto industry meant benefits, especially health insurance for Mom's psoriatic arthritis that was destroying her joints. 

Here is Dad's story.

Life goes on.

During the early 50s Joyce's family moved to Detroit where her father went to work for General Motors. Her sister Nancy was married and her husband Joe moved there also. Joyce's brothers Don and Dave were still living at home so they went, too. Her only relative living in the area was her grandmother, Delia Greenwood, who lived on Englewood Avenue in Kenmore.

We made a few short trips to Detroit, but I really did not like big cities. Occasionally, Joyce and Nancy would take a train to Detroit to visit Joyce's parents. Joyce had a serious skin disease called psoriasis and while she was there she would go to the Henry Ford Hospital in hope of finding a cure.

In 1959 our son Tom was born, so now there was Joyce, Nancy, Tom, my mother and I living together. Running the garage was a hard life, and I thought I had better make a change before I grew too old. I knew the mental and physical stress was wearing me down. Even with all the hard work and time spent at the station all we ever did was barely make a living. So, Joyce, Mother, and I started talking about selling the hose and business. We talked about buying a motel in the Adirondacks, or my going to work at a factory, or working as a mechanic at a car dealership, but I really didn't like any of those options.  I knew I did not want to go into another business.

Joyce wanted to be near her family and since my mother was living with us we decided we would move to Detroit where I would get a job with one of the major car companies. I hoped to get work at General Motors where my father-in-law and brother-in-law Don worked.

We put the property on the market but real estate sales were slow and we did not get any offers. When it was found out we were selling the business we lost some customers because they decided to find another place to service their cars. it took many months before we got the first offer and it was much lower than the price we were asking, but we decided to take it. The man who bought the house and business was named Harper and he used the station to run his gutter business.

Mother continued living in the same part of the house after my father died. Joyce and Nancy and I lived in the same upstairs apartment but we all agreed it would be better for Mom to have company and we moved to her apartment. At the time we sold the business Mom had lived with us for six years, and Joyce and Nancy and Tom loved her dearly, so we planned to all move to Detroit together. After the offer on the station was accepted I had to sell and give away many things to get ready for the move.

it was decided with Joyce's family in Detroit that we would move our things in and live with them until we got our own home.

My Grandparent Ramer's home on Gardenia in Royal Oak

I made several trips to Detroit, hauling my boat and other things, but our furniture and appliances were hauled there by a moving company we hired. I remember the day they loaded the van. All our furniture and possessions only filled about a quarter of it. It cost four hundred and fifty dollars for the mover.

When we finally moved in with Joyce's parents, their basement, attic, and garage was packed full. They were probably surprised by how much we had brought. It was a pretty big house, but we sure did fill it up!

Grandpa and Grandma Ramer with a relative
in back of their home on Gardenia, RO.
While we lived with them I slept in the second story
screened porch off the master bedroom.

My mother did not come with us when we moved in with Joyce's family. We planned to bring her when we bought our own home. In the meantime she lived with my sister Alice and her family in Tonawanda.

One day I went to General Motors employment office and had an interview for a job, then went back to Joyce's family's house, expecting to get a call saying I was hired, but it didn't happen. After about a week or so I decided I should look elsewhere for a job.Then my brother-in-law Don Ramer told me of a shop that needed a mechanic. Louis Scott worked with Don at the General Motors Tech Center and his father Paul owned Scott's Garage which was located on Hudson Street in Royal Oak. So I went there, talked with Paul, and was hired.

The building looked like a garage from the thirties. It was deep and dimly lit. I remember that we had a radio there and I was listening to it on the day John Kennedy was assassinated. I was the only mechanic, and Paul did not have many customers. I knew only Joyce's family in Michigan and since it was not very busy, I had lots of time to think. One day I was sort of depressed and thought to myself, "What am I doing here, away from all my relatives and friends?" Back home I had dozens of relatives, many friends, and hundreds of customers. Here I knew almost no one.

But the feeling soon passed and when I would meet new people I would think, "that person reminds me of someone I knew back home." It was like a game, and many of the people I met did remind me of customers or friends form the past.

Paul did not always have a full weeks work for me, so I decided that I had better look for another job. One day Joyce saw an ad in the newspaper for a job as a mechanic at a Shell station that was located at Lincoln and Main Streets in Royal Oak. I went there and was interviewed by the manager whose nae was Bob Cupp. Bob was a fine and likable person and he told the owner about me, and I was hired.

I had worked for Paul for about a month when I told him that I had to have a full weeks work to live on and would have to quit. There were no bad feelings, because Paul understood.

I started at the Shell station at a weekly pay of 60% of the labor on the jobs I did with a guarantee of $126 a week. Harvel Akins was the name of the owner, and he was a fine person, and a good and honest boss. Harvel had served in the US Navy and the station was always spic and span.

He and all the station attendants were from Kentucky or Tennessee. They all had a Southern accent and the station attendants told many redneck and hillbilly jokes. This is one of the jokes they told:

Mother had a cat and every day when she walked into the bedroom she would see the cat sleeping on the bed next to a pile of cat poop. She told a friend about her problem and the friend said she knew how to cure the cat. She said the next time that happened to grab the cat by the neck, push its head into the poop, and throw it out the window. Well, the next day when she went into the bedroom the cat was again sleeping next to a fresh pile, so she grabbed it by the neck, stuck its head into the pile, and threw it out the window. Then on the following day when she went into the bedroom, the cat saw her, stuck its head into the poop, and jumped out the window.

She sure solved that problem!

I was the only mechanic and repaired any problem on any vehicle that came into the station. I overhauled engines, did wheel alignments, brake work, exhaust systems, tune ups, etc., on all makes and models. Even though I had power tools it was hard physical labor.

I had told Harvel when I started that I felt I had to go to work for a major car company because at 34 years old I needed to find a job with a good retirement plan.

All during this time Joyce and I were talking to real estate agents trying to find a house we liked and could afford.

Since I had never heard from General Motors about a job I decided to try Chrysler. One morning I went to Highland Park to their employment office and was interviewed for a mechanic job. They gave me many tests and when they finished they told me the would hire me for $113 a week. I accepted the offer that Monday and they told me to start on the following Monday. So, I went back and told Harvel that I had the job and had to quit. I told him I was sorry for the short notice.

But then on Wednesday, Chrysler called me and told me they could not hire me because one of their union members wanted the job. So, I told Harvel that the job had fallen through and he was happy and gave me a raise. But I told that sooner or later I would have to leave.

Photo of 211 W Houstonia from realtor

After checking out many houses we finally found one we thought liked and could afford. It was on Houstonia Street in Royal Oak. So we moved all out things from Joyce's parents' house after we cleaned and painted the inside of our new home.

Houstonia house, 1963

Since my mother was to live with us we wanted a house that could accommodate us all. The house we chose had two bedrooms downstairs and two upstairs. It had a two-and-a-half car garage and a large backyard. We paid $12,000 for it and put $3,000 down.

Then we called Mother to tell her about the house and I drove to Tonawanda to bring her and her belongings back to our new home to live with us. Joyce and the kids were very happy to see her. Moving out of Joyce's family's house must have been a happy day for them! While Mother lived with us she was very homesick.

Me, Tom, and Grandma Gochenour. Christmas 1963, Houstonia,
You can just see part of the remodeled kitchen on the right side.

This photo shows Nancy, Tom and Mother. It was taken at the dining room of our house on Houstonia Street in Royal Oak, Michigan. Not long after, Mother went back to Tonawanda, New York, to live with my sister Alice. This broke Joyce's heart, because Mom had lived with us for six years and she and Joyce were very close. She was closer to my mother than to her own.

Houstonia was a very nice street to live on, and we soon got to know most of the neighbors. At the house west of us lived John and Jerry Voight. At the home east of ours lived Mr and Mrs. Reynolds, an older retired couple. Next to them lived Laura and Irv Beaupied and their six children. Then came Jean and Gordon McNab with their two boys. On the corner of Houstonia and Main Streets lived Ruth and Bud Brehm and their two children. Across the street from them on Houstonia lived Edna and Art Lentner and their two children. So, because of the children, we all got to know each other.

Dad painting the Houstonia house

After we moved in we put in new cupboards, kitchen counter tops, a new oven, and remodeled the kitchen. I painted the outside, put shutters on the windows, and a wrought iron railing on the front steps. We also put in an above ground pool in the backyard.

Grandma Gochenour in the kitchen during remodeling

Here I am in the kitchen Dad was remodeling.
It had light orange painted walls and the Formica
countertops included an orange boomerang motif.

I worked five and a half days at the Shell station, on the house during the evening, and repaired cars in my garage on the weekends. That did not leave much time for play.

Here are photographs of our first Christmas in our new home. Mom painted the walls light turquoise, still a trendy color in 1963.

Dad trying on a new robe while Tom checks out what Santa left him

Dad, me on the couch

My 1963 Diary

For Christmas in 1962 I received a Girl Scout Diary with a key. During the last months spent in my childhood home in Tonawanda, NY, I wrote about my family and three-year-old brother; school; Nancy Ensminger and Janet L.; the death of Phil Ensminger, Nancy's father; Girl Scouts; piano lessons; reading Man O'War by Walter Farley and Marguerite Henry's Sea Star; snow storms and the ice jam at Niagara Falls; Dad's frozen toes; going to Sunday School at the Broad Street Baptist Church; and a lot of television. I added links to the actual television show I watched!

Tommy and me, 1963

One Year Diary

Property of

Nancy Adair Gochenour

1963

A Wonderful Diary, but now just wonderful things in it. I wish I had all of ’63 in it, then I wouldn’t have to count on my memory on remembering Buffalo, N. Y.

Nancy G.[later addition]

January 1

Today when I got up I watched TV with Tommy. Then we went outside. I baby sat Tommy while Mom, Dad and Grama went to a funeral. Nancy E.’s father died December 30, 1962. Then I played with Tommy until dinner. I was tired from staying up until 12:00 last night, so then I went to bed.

January 2

Today was the day we go back to school. I got up, dressed and ate breakfast. Then I watched TV until it was time to go. In school we went to gym then we had music. We did artih., spelling, and Cit. Ed. In Social Studies we started the unit about the Middle Atlantic States. Nancy E. didn’t come to school because she went to her father’s funeral. We had Girl Scouts today. We made our “crest.” It was a penguin. After dinner I listened to my Wonderful World of the Grimm Brothers record. Then I watched TV and went to bed.

Nancy Ensminger pics. I am in lower left photo on the left.

January 3

Today I went to school. In school today we had art, then Arth., Lunch, Cit. Ed., and Science. In Science we are starting a unit about geography. Nancy still couldn’t come to school. Tomorrow, she might. After I came home I did my Arith. homework and practiced.

We ate dinner and then went over to Kuhn’s. When we came home I fiddled on the piano until bedtime. Then when I was in bed I remembered I had spelling to study, I studied my spell. And went to bed.

Me and my brother at my piano

January 4

Today I had school again. We had gym. We also had a spelling test. We did Arith., Read., Science, Cit. Ed. Today. Nancy didn’t come to school today. After school Janet called. She wanted to play. got an American Girl Magazine today. Janet gave me a gold [autograph] dog for Christmas. It was a late gift though. After dinner we went to Skip [Marvin]and Katy’s house and Jerry’s house. Then we came home. Tommy and me went to bed. It was past 10:00.

Janet L. posing at my house near our Christmas tree. December 1962.

January 5

Today is Saturday. After watching TV I ate breakfast. I practiced and went to piano lessons. I then played with Nancy. After that I played with Janet until 3:00. Then I came home. Soon it was time for dinner. We ate dinner then I played with my Barbie and Ken dolls. I dried the dishes. After that Daddy and I looked at different things through my telescope. We then watched Saturday Night at the Movies. I like the movie a little. The movie lasted until 11:00. Then I went to bed.

January 6

Today was Sunday. I went to Sunday School. In worship service I said a prayer. When I came home I watched TV. Then I played with Janet. We played with my horses and dolls. I played with Janet until 5:00. Then I put my toys away and watched TV. Grandma went to the bowling alley across the street to get our dinner. After dinner I watched TV until 8:00 then I read in bed until 9:00.

January 7

I woke up and played laying in bed. Then I got up and I didn’t feel like going to school. But I got up and ate breakfast. I got ready for school. In school we did Arith., Spell., Reading. Then we went to lunch. After lunch we did Cit. Ed., and then the people went to religious instructions. After school I walked home with Nancy. After school I played in my room until dinner. After dinner Mommy told me that the TV was broken. Tommy and I played until bedtime. When I looked in my jewelry case I couldn’t find the key to my diary but at last I found it.

January 8

Today I walked to school with Nancy E. In school we did writing, Arith., Reading, Lunch, Spell., Science. We also had a story and game. After school I practiced and played with Tommy. Then we watched TV until dinnertime. After dinner I did my dishes then I did my homework. I forgot, after school I went to the library. I got Man O’ War and Sea Star After I did my homework I had an orange and watched TV. At a little past 9:00 I went to bed. Tommy was still eating his apple so he went to bed latter.

January 9

Today I walked to school with Nancy. We were a little late for school. First thing we had gym. In gym we are doing basketball. After gym we did Spell. then Arith., then we had lunch. After lunch we rested 5 mins. Then we had Social Studies. In S.S. we had a filmstrip. After school we had Girl Scouts until around 6:00. Then I came home and had dinner. After dinner I baby-sat Tommy and watched TV until 9:00. Mommy came home, but I watched The Beverly Hillbillies. Then I wrote a poem for school. In reading we have to write a poem. The poem is called,

The Bat

There was a bad

Who lived in a hat

And there he sat

And sat and sat.

One day he flew

Into the blue

And there he grew and grew.

And he grew old

And was Oh,

So cold, so cold.

So he flew back

To that hat

And there he sat

And sat and sat.

January 10

Today I went to school. I walked with Nancy. In school we did Arith., Spell., Reading. Then we had lunch. After lunch we had chorus for an hour. Then we had Cit. Ed. Then it was time to go home. I walked home with Nancy. Then I practiced and did homework until dinner. After dinner I watched Sea Hunt. Then I played with Tommy and made a Valentine for Nancy. Then I watched Dr. Kildare until 9:30.

In reading we read a story and while making Nancy’s Valentine I listened to my record The Wonderful World of the Brother’s Grimm.

January 11

Today was Friday. We had Arith., gym, spell., Lang, then we had lunch, Story, Cit. Ed. After school I practiced them played school until dinner. After dinner I played and watched TV. I watched SilentPlease, half of Flintstones, and 77 Sunset Strip. Then I went to bed. In gym we had basketball again. Also at lunch I got to talk with Nancy.

January 12

Today when I woke up I just laid in bed. But I did get up, ate breakfast. Them almost for the rest of the morning I watched TV. Then I made lunch for me and Tommy. After lunch I played with Nancy until 5:00. Then I played with Tommy, watched TV, and helped make dinner. Then at 6:00 we ate. After dinner I watched TV. Then I read books to Tommy. Then he went to bed. I watched TV for the rest of the day.

January 13

Today when I woke up I didn’t feel like going to Sunday School. I was tired. But I did go to Sunday School. After Sunday School, Aunt Alice drove me home. Then I got into some play clothes and watched TV. After I watched TV I called up Nancy to see if she could play. he could play. I went to her house. We played all afternoon. My mother called up and said she would pick me up and that we were going to eat dinner out. After dinner I watched Wonderful World of Disneyon TV. Before I watched TV I ate lunch.

January 14

This morning I got up and saw that there was snow all over. I got ready for school. On the radio it said that there was school. Then Uncle Skip [Skip Marvin] came and said that there was no school. So, I didn’t go to school. I ate breakfast and went outside. The snow was above your knees. Then after a while we came in and ate lunch. After lunch I played indoors for a while. Then I played with David [Ennis] until dinner. After dinner I watched TV, read, then I laid down and went to bed at 9:30.

January 15

Today there was school. The snow was deep. I walked with Nancy. In school first we did writing, Arith., Spell., lunch, Cit. Ed., and Science. Then it was time to go home. When I got home I played with Tommy until dinner. After dinner I washed the dishes, practiced. I took a bath. Then I played with Tommy again until bedtime.

January 16

Today I went to school. In school we had gym, Arith., Spell., lunch, Science and Cit. Ed. After school we had Girl Scouts. I was late because I washed the boards. In Girl Scouts we played games. I was walking with Nancy when Grandma came and picked us up. We dropped Nancy off and went home. After dinner I read books and watched the Beverly Hillbillies. Then I went to bed.

January 17

I got up, got dressed and ate breakfast and went to school. In school we had Arith., Science, Lunch, and Cit. Ed. After lunch we had chorus. Then it was time to come home. I had homework. I had to write as many uses of coal I could think of. I came home and played in my room until dinner. After dinner I practiced. Mommy, Tommy and Grandma went to Great Grandma’s [Greenwood] house. She also went shopping. I watched TV. After I practiced til 9:30. Then I went to bed.

January 18

Today I went to school like usual. We had Cit., Ed., gym, Science, Arith. After school I played with Janet until 5:00. Then I came home and watched TV until dinnertime. After dinner I watched TV until 11:00. I practiced before school.

January 19

Today was Saturday. I got up and watched TV. Soon it was time for lunch. After lunch it was time for piano lessons. Piano lessons lasted 2 hours. Then I played with Nancy until 5:00. We ate dinner and then I watched TV. After watching TV I did my projects. Then I watched the last half an hour of Saturday Night at the Movies. Then I went to bed.

The ice jam in the Gorge 1963

January 20

I woke up and just layed [sic] in bed. Tommy came in and layed [sic] in bed with me. Today I didn’t go to Sunday School. I watched TV, ate breakfast and got dressed. Then we ate lunch. After lunch we went to Niagara Falls. I saw the ice jam. Then we came home and ate dinner. We looked at pictures until 5:30. Then we went to Beverly’s [Ennis] birthday party. We had cake and ice cream. Then I copied my reports. Then I watched TV until 9:00. Then I went to bed.

Niagara Falls, January 1963

January 21

Today there was a snowstorm. We stayed in the kitchen all day because it was cold in the parlor.

January 23

For the last three days I stayed home from school. The second day (Jan. 22) we could go in the parlor. The first night we slept at Aunt Alice’s house on the couch. The couch could be made into a double bed. The second night I slept on the davenport at our house. Most of the time I played with Tommy or read. The third day I slept upstairs and I played with Janet. My father got 1 frozen toe on each foot.

January 24

Today I went to school. I had gym then arith., spell., science., cit. ed., and reading. When I came home I watched TV. Ate dinner and went to bed.

January 25

I got up and watched TV. Then practiced and ate lunch. Then I went to piano lessons. After piano lessons Nancy, her mother, Judy, and me went shopping for dresses for Nancy. I ate dinner at Nancy’s house. Then I came home and watched TV and went to bed.

January 26

Today I had eggs for breakfast. After breakfast I went skating with Aunt Alice from 12:00 til 4:30. Then when I came home we had dinner. Then I watched TV until 11:30.

January 30 Nancy E.’s Birthday

Lucky Nancy. She got a Blaze King, a scarf and handkerchief, and I don’t know what else. We had spaghetti for dinner. I ate at her house.

February 13

Miss Manos came today and she really surprised us. We had candy and of course plenty of Valentines.

March 17

Well of all things, it was beautiful this morning, but the rest of the day it rained.

March 19

Long time no see! Well I got mixed up back in January. I’ll tell you what I did. Miss Manos came on Valentines Day and St. Patrick’s Day. I didn’t do anything today, except the old routine. I am going to catch up. Bye!

My Brownie uniform. I don't have a pic of my Girl Scout uniform.

March 20

Today was Girl Scouts. We got something like $235.80 cookie money.

March 21

First day of spring. It snowed. Almost all day! We had art today. We had had a student art teacher for weeks. The art teacher had a bad leg and had to stay in a hospital. Well, bye! I have to clean my room. A man is going to look at the house.

Mrs. Sellers

*****

March 21, 1966

Three years ago I wrote that. Three years ago I was in Buffalo. I moved to 512 W. Houstonia. I came to Michigan to stay. I know how to write in a diary now. I’m 13. I was 10 then.

[Later, undated entry]

Silence all around me. Except the ringing in my ears.

12:00 midnight.

All in bed, except Mom.

I will now write.

Starting my greatest story.

Maybe.

(Later entry:

March 19--

? I know it couldn’t be the saucer—Atom? I can’t and don’t remember.
Someday--

*****

The man who was going to look at the house was Mr. Harper who bought the house and gas station from my family. I remember knowing we were to move, but I also know I had no idea the implication or reality of what it meant 'to move'. 

The last entries, added when I was still thirteen, refer to my first short story, The Saucer. It was about a space alien stranded on earth and assisted by children, very influenced by Star Girl by Harry Winterfield, a book read to my class in elementary school. My story was written and illustrated for a school assignment. My Eighth Grade teacher Mrs. Hayden was very supportive of my interest in writing. I had never felt so affirmed by a teacher before.