Tuesday, November 8, 2016

The "Unmentionable" Revealed: The Victorian Lady's Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners

Therese Oneill made my week: I was down for the count, having lost to a marauding virus. I was not sure I could manage anything more demanding than sit-com reruns...until I decided to check out this scandalous-looking book, aptly named Unmentionable.

LOL! Yep, I was laughing out loud in spite of having a head about the size of a pumpkin and a throat redder that St. Nicholas' coat.

Women have sighed and longed for the glamour and elegance of high Victorian days, or the diaphanous, Greek inspired gowns of Austen; a time when men where men and girls were girls--- Get real, Oneill warns, and with a series of essays drawing from historical documents and 19th c books, she delineates what life was really like two centuries ago.

1841 Graham's Magazine. Those dresses were never washed.
Chapters cover every aspect of female experience, from arsenic in beauty products and crotchless pantaloons, to 'female problems' and the hysteria that results from 'female problems'. And we learn what men wanted--and didn't want-- from their women and wives. With running gags (don't chew on your umbrella handle!) readers are addressed with irreverent familiarity.

Consider some of the chapter heads:

  • Getting Dressed: How to Properly Hide Your Shame 
  • Bowels into Buckets
  • Menstruation: You're Doing it Wrong
  • Birth Control and Other Affronts to God
  • The Secret Vice: "Where Warts and Tiny Nipple Come From"

The limits imposed on ladys were strict. Without a man or an older woman companion, a woman could not be trusted to walk down the street. And once allowed out of the house, there were injunctions against window shopping, greeting friends from across the street, and carrying your own money. You never raised your skirt, even when wadding through piles of manure.
At least a gal could use her handkerchief to communicate: dropping it in front of a man invited friendship; twirling it connoted indifference; and drawing it across the check meant love. Fans, parasols, and gloves were also eloquent vehicles---for those with guidebooks for interpretation.
Great-Great-Grandmother Elizabeth Hacking Greenwood,
 looking very exhausted but elegant. She had 7 children, most of whom,
like their dad, worked in the cotton mills.
Dr. Kellogg especially gets a rightful bum rap for misunderstanding females, but he is not alone. Male doctors thought they knew everything. Consider the ideal of the uterine orgasm, when the uterus convulses to meet the male organ, or the advice for women to lay on their back with their legs stretched out flat because all 'unnatural positions' lead to serous injury!
Great-Great-Grandmother Ramer, later mother
to eight children plus raising some of
her husband's eight children from his first marriage!
At least Kellogg advised against marital rape and believed mothers prepare daughters for 'marriage and its duties'.

When you married a man you hardly knew, and failing to be a paragon of ideal womanhood, lost his interest to another woman, what could you do? A 1840  book offered the example of a good wife who outfitted the mistress's flat in a style befitting her husband's status, then arranged an annuity to the other woman when hubby gave her up!

Illustrated throughout, with nothing left to the imagination, women are reminded of how good we have it over the Crinoline Ladies of yesteryear.
What we imagine the 19th c was like...
You will be glad the information Oneill imparts is veiled in humor, for the indignities of Victorian age female life is horrifying. Women today still face inherited prejudices and attitudes.

But at least our undies have crotches.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

Unmentionable
Therese Oneill
Little, Brown, and Company
Publication October 25, 2016
$25 hard cover
ISBN: 9780316357913

Monday, November 7, 2016

My Patriotic Quilts at the Library for Election Day!

My political and presidential textiles are on display at the local library! I also included some stereoscopic cards from my husband's collection.
Remember the Ladies by Nancy A. Bekofske
The Presidents Quilt by Nancy A. Bekofske

Giddyup by Nancy A. Bekofske (and help from Dustin Cecil who made the Giddyup block!)

Bicentennial Memories by Nancy A. Bekofske

The display case photos didn't come out too well so I included better photos of the handkerchiefs.







1965 President Kennedy scarf, We Want Roosevelt (for FDR), and Al Smith campaign hankys

Hanky signed by First Lady Pat Nixon
Stereoscopic cards of Teddy Roosevelt in his office and at his inauguration,
President Lincoln's log cabin and the theater where his life ended

Ida McKinley stereoscopic card, Martha Washington cabinet card
handkerchief signed by Bess Truman

Handkerchief signed by Betty Ford
President McKinley and Ida stereoscopic card
Bicentennial fabric on the shelf
I needed to keep the display party neutral, but I have two more in my collection to show you

Remember what is important.
And whatever your party, VOTE!

Sunday, November 6, 2016

The Expense of a View

Polly Buckingham's short story collection The Expense of a View from University of North Texas Press is the 2016 Katherine Anne Porter Prize in Short Ficiton winner. I read the fourteen short stories one at a time over a month. Each story is a gem, moving and often heart rending, probing the deep sorrows and despair of persons in crisis.

Loss and grief, desertion and emptiness, alienation, regret, and despair are probed with beautiful language and compassionate insight. The characters are the homeless and runaways, children and parents, male and female, covering the scope of human experience.

You may think, how crushingly sad these stories are, how could you read them? Partly because the writing is luminous, but mostly because I felt a better person after reading them, more understanding and open. Suffering and need surrounds us, but we do not see it. Great literature can bring us inside the lives of others, revealing what we choose to ignore, and make us responsible for our reactions.

I received a free ebook from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

"My characters are typically deeply introspective, often rural and often under great psychological duress or up against enormous changes in their lives. They find themselves lost, disoriented, and unclear about what is real and what is not. My intent is to push readers to value those moments of hesitation so that they too might slow down and appreciate the world for its greatest mysteries: the dream world, the natural world, and the world of the psyche. " Polly Buckingham

Press release: https://s3.amazonaws.com/netgalley-media/media/92480/57697c05e485a.

The Expense of a View
Polly Buckingham
University of North Texas Press
Publication Date November 15, 2016
$14.95 paperback
ISBN:  9781574416473



Saturday, November 5, 2016

Eugene Gochenour Memoirs: The Becker Family of Tonawanda


Martha Keen [Kelm] Becker and John August Becker
Dad began his memoirs with his family history. Our roots in Tonawanda, NY  dates to the immigration of  the Becker family to America. They were German nationalists living in Volhynia, Russia, now the Ukraine. 

Waves of migrations of Germans to Russia occurred over hundreds of years. Germans were first invited to Russia by Catherine the Great who wanted their farming skills to develop new agricultural centers. With the freeing of the serfs, a labor market opened up and more Germans arrived in Russia. With the war between France and Germany decimating areas of Germany, some refugees went to England and America, but others went East into Prussia or Poland. When conflicts arose there, they escaped into Vohlynia.

The Germans who settled in Russia remained German nationalists. They did not have to serve in the Russian army. The early settlers were lured by advertising of free land. They arrived in Russia with basic instruments and had to start from scratch to build a house and prepare the land for farming. Over time they created prosperous farms. Tides of Germans from Poland, Prussia, and Germany came to Russia, including to Volhynia where the Beckers settled.

Martha Keen Becker, my great-grandmother, was from the Kelm family in Volhynia. The Kelms were part of a movement of German Baptists who left Poland to establish some of the earliest Baptist churches in Russia. Her ancestor was one of the first settlers in Paris, Bessarabia. Read about the German Baptist movement at http://www.volhynia.org/articles/germanbaptistmovement.pdf

As tensions between Germany and Russia increased, leading up to WWI, the Germans living in Russia were persecuted with confiscation of lands, arrests, and deportation. They could no longer buy land and were made to serve in the Czar's army. Many Germans were deported to Siberia. Others left Russia before it was too late, including my Grandmother Emma Becker Gochenour and my husband's grandfather Gustaff Bekofske.

"Born Eugene Vernon Gochenour on the 13th day of August, 1930, I am the only son of Alger Jordan Gochenour and Emma Becker. My sister Mary Martha was born two years before me, and my younger sister Alice Beverly six years after. Mary and I were born in the City of Tonawanda, and Alice in the Town of Tonawanda. Located between Niagara Falls and Buffalo are three communities with the name Tonawanda. There is the City of Tonawanda, the city of North Tonawanda, and the Town of Tonawanda. The Town of Tonawanda contains an incorporated village named Kenmore.
John Becker
"Mother’s maiden name was Emma Becker. Her father, my Grandfather John Becker, was conscripted into the Russian army. He once told me that when he was in the army the lice were so bad they would roll a string across their arms, legs, and body to remove the hair to get rid of them.

"Documents, written in Russian, show John was born in 1876, was taken into the Russian army during 1898, and married during 1903. [Ed. Note: I found a birth record showing John August Bacher born to August Bacher and Margaretha Bodner on October 29, 1876 in Andrejew, Volhynia, Russia. His parent were married in 1899. I also found a birth record for his sisters Pauline Baecker born November 3, 1870 in Zhitomir, Russia and Rosalie born December 12, 1873 in Andrejew, Volhynia, Russia.]

"May 21, 1910 he arrived in New York City on the George Washington out of Bremen. [The passenger list shows a Johann Becker, saddler, a German from Torchin, Russia with $22 to his name, who last lived with his wife Marta; his destination was Tonawanda, NY, where he had a friend, Julianna Tolz, residing at 121 Clinton St.]

"When John Becker was established at Tonawanda he purchased steamship tickets and sent them to Grandmother so the rest of the family could join him. The tickets were bought May 15, 1911 #46969, from the North German Lloyd Steamship Co for the SS George Washington from Bremen to New York, for the cost of $178.50 plus $4.50 per boarder, a total of $183.

"Grandfather had deserted the Czar’s army and lived the rest of his life in fear that he would someday be forced to return to Russia." [I recall hearing that when letters came to John from Russia he was afraid to open them, but family members were concerned they contained family news.]

Dad later had his grandfather's passport translated:
Perpetual Passport issued by Chernyakovski Local Elder Council of Zhitomir District of Voyhn County, March 15, 1910 to peasant Iogang August Becker, D.O.B. January 29, 1876, Lutheran, residence Kolkhoz Sofievka, Goroshkoc Area, Zhitomir Dist.
Military Service: Private of Ulyanov reserve of Warsaw Regiment.
Height: above average; hair: light brown
Wife: Marta August, 26 yo
Children: Arthur 7 yo, Reuben 4 yo, Alina 6 years [must be Emma]
Military Service Discharge Card Iogang August Becker
184 private of Warsaw regiment discharged per order of demobilization #43m. of Okhotsk Regiment, transferred to the reserve in 1905 until January 1, 1916. Admitted into service by Zhitomir military summons and recorded in the military list #84 on October 27, 1897, starting date of service January 1, 1889. No participation in military campaigns, no awards. Trained in Formal Drill. Age January 27, 1826, single, Lutheran, dismissed honorable, Volynsk region, Zhitomire Dist, Chernyavki area, village Kolkhoz, Pekarshina.

"Grandfather was a carpenter. He built the house his family lived in, and many more. When my parents were first married they bought a house he had built, across the street from him.

John Becker's Certificate of Naturalization
"In 1926 my grandfather obtained his certificate of naturalization. He was 51 years old, 5'4" tall, medium complexion, brown eyes and hair, and he had a growth in his left ear. His children living at home included Reuben, Alfred, Edmund, and Adeline.

"Grandfather died December 17th, 1951. He was 75 years old.

"Grandmother Becker's maiden name was Martha Keen. She was born at Torchin, Volinski Russia, on March 30th, 1871. During 1903 she married my grandfather John Becker. By 1910 they had four children, and that year Grandfather came to America by himself to prepare a home for his family.
Martha Keen Becker

Keen relatives

Unknown Ancestor--A Becker or 'Keen' in Russia

Russian Funeral of unknown ancestor, a Becker or Keen
Unknown Keen family member
"The names and birth dates of their children were: Arthur, born October 5th, 1903; Emma, born February 8th, 1904; Reuben, born May 5th, 1906; and Benjamin, born during 1909. All the children were born at Torchin Volinski, Russia. While Grandfather was in America, Grandmother had another child. His name was Edmund, and he was born on November 9, 1910.
Back row: Mrs. Rinkey, Martha Becker, John Becker, Mr. Rinkey.
Front Row: Alfred Becker, Elsie Rinkey, Walter Kinkey
Adeline Becker, Albert 

Martha Becker

"Grandmother received the steamship tickets purchased by Grandfather May 15, 1911. The tickets cost $183 dollars. They were to sail on the George Washington out of Bremen to New York City.

"Grandmother started her journey to the ship with her five children. She had to pay bribes at some of the borders they crossed as they traveled through Europe. [My grandmother said they traveled by night, sleeping during the day, while traveling to the border. A system had been set up to help German Russians once they reached the Germany border.]

"When they arrived at the German border they were held up for five days because Reuben had an eye problem that had to be treated. [Trachoma, or pink eye, meant no admittance into the States. My husband's great-grandfather and family had to return to Germany because their daughter Wanda had Trachoma upon arriving at Ellis Island; the family was lost during WWII.] This caused them to miss the ship when it left port. On July 29, 1911 they boarded to Neckar and arrived in New York on August 9, 1911.

"Finally on July 29th, 1911 she bordered the ship “Neckar” and sailed from Bremen. The ship arrived at New York on August 9th, 1911. Martha was 31 years old, born in Torchine, Volinski;  Arthur was 8 yo and born October 5, 1903 in Tochine; Emma was 6 yo, born Feb 8, 1905 in Torchine, Volinski; Reuben was 4 yo, born May 5, 1906 in Torchine, Volinski; Benjamin was 2 yo; and Edmund was 8 months old, born Nov. 3, 1910. Martha's father's name is given as August Kiln, and her home was in Tortschine, Volh., Russia. She was joining her husband John Becker at 121 Clinton, Tonawanda, NY. Martha had red hair, the children were blond.

"I am thoroughly amazed at the courage and tenacity it took for Grandmother to venture across Europe, the Atlantic Ocean, through Immigration, and on to Tonawanda with five children, one an eight-month-old baby.
Martha Becker at right
"Two more children were to come, Adeline, born January 11th, 1903, and Levant, born September 8th, 1926. Benjamin was to die when he drowned in the Erie Canal."
The Becker kids, Art, Rube, Emma, Abby and Adeline

Becker kids in front of their house build by John Becker

Adeline and Abby Becker

Adeline holding baby brother Levant Becker,
 Eugene Gochenour's uncle and good friend

Adeline, Abby, and Reuben Becker


Art Becker



Adeline and Emma Becker
"Martha died February 23, 1943. I am not sure when my grandmother died but I remember she was laid out in the dining room of their home.

"After a few years, my Grandfather married Lane M. Pedt, a widower. Grandfather also outlived her, and spent the rest of his life a widower. Lane passed June 2, 1949 and John on December 17, 1951.
520 Morgan Street, Becker family home

520 Morgan St with Becker boys
"My mother Emma Becker Gochenour was born at Torchin Volinski, Russia, on February 8th, 1904. She came to America with her mother and her brothers in 1911 when she was seven years old.


Emma Becker at her home located at Wheeler and Morgan Streets,
with the Murray School in the background. Later the
fire station was built on the site.

"The earliest photograph of Mother one was taken in 1921 when she was sixteen years old. The school in the background was the Murray Grade School, located on Morgan and Wheeler streets where mother lived, in the City of Tonawanda. The school was soon to be torn down and a fire station built on the site.

"When mother was old enough she got a job at the Remington Rand factory that was located at Military Road and Wheeler Street. It was only about a mile from her home. She worked there for a few years, until she met father and they married.

Emma Becker graduation from high school
"On December 24, 1927 my parents were married. At that time Father lived at the Lincoln Hotel in North Tonawanda, and mother lived on 520 Morgan Street in the City of Tonawanda. Mother's maid of honor was her life long friend Mildred A. Behner of 12 Park Ave. Mother was working in a factory and Father was a salesman. Mother's parents names were given as John Becker and Martha Kean.
Wedding of Emma Becker and Alger Gochenour
"Times were good and since Dad made good money as an insurance salesman they bought a new car and a new house. It was a house built by my Grandfather Becker, located on Morgan Street across from Grandfather.  Morgan Street is about three blocks from the Niagara River and between our house and the river. Mother quit working and sister Mary was born in 1929.
Al with the new car
Al and Mary Gochenour at Morgan Street
"The Depression started in 1929 when the stock market fell, and in 1930 I was born. Sister Alice was born in 1936.

"The insurance business deteriorated and Dad lost his income. [In the 1926 through 1928 city directories Alger is a salesman for F. Becker Asphaltum Roofing; on the 1930 Census he is an insurance collector living in a Morgan Street home valued at $2,500. In 1945 Al was working at the Chevy River Rd plant until he opened his gas station.]

In 1935 my parents lost their new car and the house. I was five years old when we moved to 1851 Military Road.
Emma in the center; her father John Becker at her right
and daughter Mary and grandchild Linda at left.

"On February 3, 1944 Mother received her certificate of naturalization. She was described as 39 years old, married white female, Russian descent, with fair complexion, brown eyes, brown hair, 5'4" in height, weight 116 pounds. Actually Mother had red hair as did her brother Alfred. 

"On December 27, 1965 mother applied to the U. S. Naturalization Service requesting information about her date of birth so she could apply for Social Security. The information that was sent back stated that her name was on the New York Census of 1915, and listed her age as 10 years old. Her Certificate of Naturalization was acquired on February 3, 1944, and it lists her as 39 years old, female, white, fair, with brown eyes, and brown hair. She was 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighed 116 pounds."

Emma Becker Gochenour
Sheridan Park Volunteer Fireman supporter
After the death of Al, Emma lived with my family until 1964 when she moved in with her daughter Alice. She died in Tonawanda in 1997.

Art Becker married Florence Neale Groffenberg. They lived on Grand Island, NY. Art served in the military. He died at age 87 in 1990.

Reuben Becker married Dorothy Holmes in 1931. They had five children. He died at age 62 in north Tonawanda in 1969.

Edmund Becker married Bessie Spencer in 1938. They had one child. He died in 1970. He lived on Wheeler St in North Tonawanda.

Adeline married Harold Chester Killian in 1935. They lived on Grand Island and had two children. She died in 1991.

Alfred married Olga Shenk and they had three children. He served in the army during WWII. He lived in Rome, Ohio and died in 1988.

Levant Becker married Mary Kolb and they had three children. They lived on Grand Island. He served in WWII and was a volunteer fireman. Lee passed in 2009.

Benjamin died in 1910, drowning in the Erie Canal.