Having Too Much Fun, Nancy (Nearly) Skips Senior Sorrow

Early summer of 1969 I was changing bedrooms again. My family was hosting an exchange student, Elina Salmi from Finland. We girls would have the two upstairs bedrooms.

My senior picture

Having a sister was a new experience. By the end of the year we were really acting like siblings. I wasn't jealous of all the attention Mom gave Elina, helping her to adjust to an American school, learning English, and dealing with homesickness. I was too busy.

Elina Salmi, my Finnish exchange student sister. October 1969.

Me, October 1969

Our family was never more active. Mom kept us on the go. She also kept a diary of everything we did this year. Several years before his death Dad compiled an album of photos about Elina. So with my diaries and scrapbook the year is well documented!

On August 22 at 2 am Elina Salmi arrived at Metro Detroit airport from Finland. My family was excited and talkative, unaware that Elina knew English but we were speaking too fast. She was tired and overwhelmed.

Elina was from Rovaniemi on the Arctic Circle. She had never seen anything like the expressway with so many lanes and bridges, Detroit's skyscrapers, or the endless city that extended down Woodward Ave into Royal Oak. It was overwhelming to her.

My family kept her on the go those first weeks. I took Elina to the outdoor dance at the ice rink. We went to Stony Creek and went swimming. We dined with my Ramer grandparents. Elina, Tom, and Dad went fishing one morning and we all went to Belle Isle in the afternoon. We had a party for Elina to meet my friends. We went to the Detroit Zoo.

On Labor Day my family held a BBQ picnic in the back yard with burgers and hot dogs, potato salad, and corn on the cob. Elina was baffled by the corn, she later told us. All she knew was that Donald Duck's nephews fed corn on the cob to pigs! She thought we were feeding her pig food!

We went to the movies at the Main Street Theater, to see a ball game at Tiger Stadium, and bought cider at Yates Cider Mill. There was a block party and I lost a contact in the grass.What a whirlwind of activity!

Herald article on the exchange students. I wrote about Elina.

I became friends with the other exchange students that year: Uta Schnubbe from Hanover, Germany; Toshihiko Fukuyama from Mikata-Gun Hyogo-ken, Japan; and Mirna Guerra from Punta Arenas, Chile.

Tosh and Uta, 1970 Lancer photo

Tosh taught us to enjoy rice crackers with seaweed. He missed his Saki. Mirna discovered she had TB and spent much her year in a sanitarium in Pontiac. Uta's father was pastor of a large Lutheran church. She became a judge and in 1975 she and her husband returned for a visit and we met up at my folk's house.

Me and Uta in 1975.  The photo is very faded.
I was wearing a bright green outfit I'd sewn.

Over the summer I had been still grieving over the breakup with my boyfriend but I was determined to push forward. In the fall I saw him at an event with his girlfriend and I realized I was over him. I had my crushes over the year, but at this point, I was enjoying friendships and flirtations with boys without feeling bad about not having a boyfriend.

Me, Dad and Tom at my Ramer Grandparent's house

My friends were applying to college and I realized if I really wanted to go to college I had better do something about it. I told my mom and she talked to my dad. Although Dad did not see the point of a girl having a college education, and Mom only had wanted to be a wife and mother, they agreed to support me.

On September 24 I talked to my counselor Mr. Stafford about going to college. He thought Oakland Community College was my only option because of my grades. But he worked hard on my behalf.

In September I went to a football game on a date. My little brother went with the Stephens--the Kimball Principal's family! October 9 I took my brother and Elina to the Kimball-Dondero bonfire and we went to Pasquale's for pizza afterward.

For Senior Halloween Day I wore a pilgrim dress made by our neighbor and Elina wore her Finnish traditional costume.

Elina in her Finnish dress, Joe the cat, and me as a Pilgrim

The last football game of the year was a blast, with a party afterward at Tosh's host family's home, but I was sad knowing I would never attend another Kimball football game.

Dad would sometimes pick me up at school in his old red pickup truck. Frankly, I was embarrassed as no one else had a dad with a red pickup truck coming to get them. One day some boys asked if he would help them move the Kimball Rock! I wrote that he'd broken his finger and didn't help.

October 15 was the nationwide Moratorium protesting the Vietnam War with a demonstration at Memorial Park in Royal Oak.

Herald front page article on the anti-war protest at Memorial Park, RO

Me, Grandpa Ramer, and Elina in Gramps basement

On October 22 my Grandfather Ramer was hospitalized after his first heart attack. I visited him in the hospital. He was strangely quiet and internal. I was afraid he was going to die. There was so much I wanted to know. I was thinking about becoming a teacher. He had taught high school and currently was teaching at Lawrence Tech. Gramps survived, gave up smoking, and started walking to the Berkley post office to mail the numerous letters he sent all over the country.

official rules of PAC

On October 29 PAC (Political Action Club) had a meet the candidate night. Dad and Elina came with me.

Tribune article on the PAC Meet the Candidate night

My folks had a costume Halloween party. Mom loved a party.

Actually a 1967 photo of me with dad dressed
for Halloween as a blond 'Castro' 

On Nov. 26 at 6:30 we left for a trip to Tonawanda. We visited with Grama Gochenour and Uncle Ken and Aunt Alice Ennis; Skip and Katie Marvin; and our old neighbors John and Lucille Kuhn and Alma Ensminger.

On Thanksgiving Day we went to Niagara Falls then the entire family gathered for dinner that evening. The next day we visited mom's lifelong friend Doris Waterson and her family and Dad's uncle Lee Becker and his family including my cousin Debbie. Uncle Lee was a volunteer fireman and he took us for a ride on the Grand Island fire truck.

The following day we drove to Allegheny and visited Putt's farm and my Guenther cousins and their parents who had built a cabin there.

We left Buffalo in a blizzard but drove out of bad weather after three hours. We came through the Detroit Tunnel and drove around downtown Detroit to see the Christmas lights.

I was proud to have been accepted into the A Capella Choir. The choir photo was taken on December 2. I wrote, "A- choir pic today: on stage we had to change some robes around for length. We broke out into a chorus of “The Stripper” and about 5 boys came running to the auditorium door to see what was going on."

A Capella Choir. I am in the second row, five from the right.

December 19 was my last Holiday Concert followed by an A Capella party. It had been a highlight of my year and I looked forward to the multi-choir piece and the moving concert final piece O Holy Night.

In the spring the choir sang popular songs: San Antone Rose, Blue World, and Cecelia. During the year we also sang Black is the Color of my True Love’s Hair, the Cornish folk song I Love My Love, and “Hospdi Paolime, a Russian Chant."

My senior photos were taken on Dec. 15, the day my brother's American anole died. He had bought it at the circus. "It was a dreadful procedure. Tom and I pushing it toward life all the way. But it was past all help. Shriveled, splotchy coloring, weak—suddenly it was motionless, its convulsive breathing stopped, its eyes glassy and staring." It used to sleep on my shoulder under my long hair. One night it curled up in my scarf and I didn't remember it until bedtime.

On December 27 we had a party with the exchange students.

Dad and Tosh, Elina, me at the piano with Mirna

Mirna from Chile turning the page as I played Christmas Carols 

I realized high school would soon be over and I cherished every moment. I wrote," It’s all so sad—the beauty found in the littlest things—like singing a song in the cafeteria with the jukebox. Everyone sang. Everyone."

I continued, "I’ll find sorrow in the beauty of parting, for I have been in the process of parting since I came here. And it is all so sad to know that soon I’ll have lost the greatest beauty I have ever known—this life, this school—the singing of songs, and the clapping of hands, the worn books, the every crevice of this building—I will lose it."

I got my driver's license in December and started driving to school. I had to fill the gas tank half full in return for using Mom's car. That took a good chunk out of my $2 a week allowance!

My typical comp grade!

On winter morning Mom asked me to drive Tom and the neighbor boys to Northwood Elementary. It was icy and I fishtailed, scaring the boys and myself.

I was in Composition. On August 12 Miss Young asked who my favorite writers were and I answered J.D. Salinger, John Steinbeck, Thomas Hardy, and Thomas Wolfe. She often liked my content, but I consistently received a lower grade because of my bad spelling.

1969-70 Herald Staff, Lancer photo. I am in the first row, far right.

I was writing poetry and sharing it in composition class and in the Herald. My girlfriend even sent some of my poetry to her boyfriend at college. It was pretty awful, derivative stuff.

Poetry page in the Herald. I was still imitating Stephen Crane.

Another of my Herald poems

In speech class, I discovered I could keep my composure while giving a speech, but once I sat down I shook with nerves. Government class with Mr. Meraw and Mr. Poppovitch ended the year with a mock campaign and election. We had a blast.

my government class photo from the Lancer yearbook

I had Novel class and read a lot of contemporary fiction for young adults. And World Lit with Mr. Botens. He handed out excerpts printed on mimeograph paper. I would go to the library and get the book the selections--Thomas Aquinas, Pascal, Candide by Voltaire--and read the originals. I wrote, "I’ve been reading Pascal and Schopenhaur.  And Dante & Gogol (Russian, Dead Souls)" On January 23 I wrote, "Mr. B gave a great lecture. Mike M., Cindy, Diane B. and I stayed after to tell him how great his course was. I nearly cried."

I enjoyed Physical Geography with Mr. Wall. Grampa Ramer was always talking about geography and geology and oceanography. We would take a trip through the Irish Hills and he would point out the kettles and moraines left by glaciers. In the early 60s, Gramps was interested in 'the next ice age' and even had a local television channel air him talking about his theory of diverting the Gulf Stream away from the Arctic to prevent the melting of the ice.

I tried Music Theory but quickly changed to Music Appreciation. That course and Art Appreciation were a breeze. To this day I can tell the composer of a symphonic work or the artists of a painting right off.

I was reading about 10 books a month. In my diary I mention reading Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury, The Web and the Rock by Thomas Wolfe, Tell Me That You Love Me Junie Moon by Marjorie Kellogg, and John Steinbeck's Tortilla Flat. I wrote, "Ever read Frank Yerby?  Try his Odor of Sanctity, –I think you’ll like it, because it bears a resemblance to Avalon. Just as exciting, moving and unbelievable!"

I surprised myself by doing well on the ACT and SAT. But, I had been turned down by Alma, Central, and Albion. My counselor kept trying.

In February I learned that Adrian College had accepted me, along with my friends Nancy B., whose dad worked with my dad at Chrysler, and Lynn Martin, my friend since 8th grade. Adrian is a United Methodist college that still specializes in students who are the first in their family to go to college.

On February 26 the Political Action Club took a trip to Lansing. We had a tour of the museum and the Capital, visiting the beautiful Senate room.

In March my first boyfriend came to visit and took me to see his folks. It was the last time I would ever see him.

Also in March, The A Capella Choir went to Walled Lake for a Festival where we had to sight-read before judges.We scored top on all events!

I went on a date to the National Honor Society Hootenanny, flew kites with my Herald staff friend (and fellow New Yorker) Margie B., and visited my Girl's Choir friend Carol F. at her Oakland University dorm for a weekend. 

In April, Elina and I went to the All School Party, to the school play with a trip to Pasquale's after, and I went to the cast party after the last play. I also bought the Modern Library volume of Pascal's Pensees.

Me, Elina, and Mom at Adrian College, April 1970

On April 24 I visited Adrian along with my parents and Elina. I saw Estes Hall, my future dorm. 

May was eventful.

There was an Environmental Teach-In with tables in the glass hallway with information about ENACT,  Environmental Action for Survival, out of the University of Michigan. I bought a pin reading Give Earth a Change. I've been an environmentalist ever since.Read about the history of ENACT and the first Earth Day here.

On May 7 Kimball students gathered in the courtyard to attempt to lower the flag in protest of Kent State and the U.S. entrance into Cambodia.

Herald photo of student protest in courtyard

Also in May my wallet was stolen from my purse in the girl's lavatory. She took my parking tickets, Modern Dance Show tickets, and driver's license.

The Herald staff celebrated Mr Rosen's birthday with a party; we gave him a monogrammed wallet.

I went to the spring orchestra concert. When the Kimball Symphony Orchestra played music from Carousel, I sang along with “You’ll Never Walk Alone.” A boy I knew from choir jumped up from his seat, came back & said “Mr. L would be proud of you—that was great tone—I could hear you all the way from my chair—“  I stopped singing then.

Our Senior Trip was to Washington D.C. Mom warned me to be good. The sister of a classmate told me to "live it up!" Waiting to leave a boy put his hand through the door.

Waiting for the bus for Washington DC

We arrived in D.C. on May 22. I joined some of my friends in skipping breakfast to see the town. I had never stayed in a hotel before and thought it was pretty fancy. "There were three beds and four girls in our hotel room," I wrote.

On the hotel balcony, Elia in her Marimekko dress.
Shirley, my friend since junior high next to her.

OMG I slept in those? Hanging out in the motel room.

Uta and John Speer living it up

I have no idea what Happyland is, but I wrote that a bunch of us "went thru Happyland & rode on three rides together then came back on the Potomac River, on top of the boat in the damp night air."

Tosh and Shirley during our bus tour of Washington

The next day we toured the city. A group of us girls ate lunch in a restaurant near by because "the All States [cafeteria] was overflowing with kids." We sat at an outdoor table and I had crab cakes and iced coffee. I had enjoyed both when I visited Uncle Dave Ramer and family when I was fourteen. We later heard that some kids got food poisoning at the All States!

Then we went to a used bookstore where I bought Thomas Wolfe's Look Homeward Angel. I really wanted the first edition of You Can't Go Home Again but I didn't have the $15. As it was I had spent most of my money eating with friends at local restaurants instead of the paid meals at the cafeteria, plus we needed to pay for our own lunch at Gettysburg on the way home. Mr. Wall told me he would have bought the book and skipped eating. 

Elina with the camera she bought in America

We stopped at Gettysburg on the way home.

Herald Staffer Martha S. was one of a group wearing a special outfit.
I first met her when we were walking to junior high
and she introduced herself to me.

The trip was fun and educational.

On May 28 my Grandmother Ramer was in the hospital in a lot of pain. This may be when she had her gall bladder operation.

My Ramer grandparents

I picked up my Senior gifts from local retailers, including a “key” necklace from Dobie Jewelers, a key chain from Meyer Jewelers (which fell apart), and a mini cedar chest- from Charles Furniture, which I still have.

We paid 50 cents to wear shorts to school!

Convocation was held on June 2. I received a Herald award based on column inches written.

My contact case, Herald and Choir pins, a Chile pin from Mirna,
Journalism award, and charm bracelet including aKimball high charm and one from Washington D.C.

I was proud to have my name read at Convocation for having been awarded a grant to attend a Michigan private college, based on my ACT score. It covered a quarter of the yearly cost! And, Elina singled me out in her speech, giving me the title of 'the best sister she could have had.'

Elina dressed for the prom
her dress fabric by Finnish designer Marimekko

June 5 was the Prom but I didn't have a date. Elina went with a nice boy on a double date. After I put makeup on Elina and saw her off I went to my friend Julie's house for a sleep over party. We went to Realtor's Park in the night and played on the playground. Years later when I saw teenagers horsing around on a playground I understood why. It was their last hurrah.

June 14 was graduation. When the choir sang “You’ll Never Walk Alone” I cried. Then came all the graduation parties. We had one, too. This year I had made new friends, and kept the old.

Elina, Me and Tom

A few weeks later Elina returned to Finland. We'd had a great year. I was sad to lose my one and only sister. In his late teens my brother went to Finland to visit Elina and her family. When Elina married she brought her husband to visit us in the States. And when Elina's daughter was a senior in high school we hosted her as our exchange student daughter!

My diary for the year ended,
"It is over.

The biggest show on earth

finished."

My room. 

I had a lot to look forward to. I was going to be the first female, and only the second person in my family, to attend college. I couldn't wait.

June 1970 Herald cover

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and a Mystery

This month my library book club read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. Many of us had read the book as a girl. Smith's novel of a young girl growing up in Brooklyn in the early years of the 20th c. is based on her own experience. I had wanted to reread this book after reading When Books Went to War and learning it was one of the most popular books among WWII soldiers.

THE NOVEL
As a teenager, I felt kinship with Francie because of her love of books, her vivid imagination, and her dream of becoming a writer.

The story takes place between 1914 to 1918. Francie's grandparents were immigrants. Her father Johnny was a charming alcoholic, a singing waiter. Her mother Katie was hard-working and frugal, determined her children would get an education and achieve the American Dream.

When pregnant with Francie, Katie's mother instructed her on the importance of books in the house. She insisted that a copy of Shakespeare and the Protestant Bible be secured, and a page from each read to the child daily, along with fairy tales from the old country and stories of Kris Kringle.

"Mother, I know there are no ghosts or fairies. I would be teaching the child foolish lies."
"Yet you must teach the child that these things are."
"Why? When I, myself, do not believe?"
"Because, the child must have a valuable thing which is called imagination.The child must have a secret world in which live things that never were. It is necessary that she believe...Then when the world becomes too ugly to live in, the child can reach back and live in her imagination."

Francie spent a summer "stitching" on a "square of goods for a penny. It was the size of a lady's handkerchief and had a design outlined on it: a sitting Newfoundland dog with his tongue lolling out. Another penny bought a small reel of red embroidery cotton and two cents went for a pair of small hoops. Francie's grandmother taught her how to work the running stitches." Smith continues, "You were supposed to stitch a hundred of so of these squares and then sew them together to make a bedspread."

Penny Square Redwork pattern of Newfoundland dog
on my Presidents Quilt

School taught Francie about class prejudice. She realized that the clean, well-dressed children were given preference. "She learned of the class system of a great Democracy."

When the students are asked to identify their ethnic background, Francie insists she is American. The teacher pushes Francie who finally, in exasperation cries out that her parents were born in Brooklyn.

"Oh, magic hour when a child first knows it can read!" Books opens the world to Francie. "She would never be lonely again, never miss the lack of intimate friends. Books became her friends and there was one for every mood." Francie vows to read a book a day for as long as she lived.

Francie's imagination brought trouble when she spun stories; her teacher had to instruct her on the difference between a lie and a story. Francie was aware that she "did not report things truthfully, but gave them color, excitement and dramatic twists." She saw that trait in her mother and wondered if imagination "colored too rosily the poverty and brutality of their lives and made them able to endure it" instead of trying to change things for the better.

When Francie writes stories for school accurately reflecting her life the teacher admonishes Francie. The teacher explains, "poverty, starvation, and drunkenness are ugly subjects to choose. We all admit these things exists. But one doesn't write about them." Francie asks, "What does one write about?" And she is told to delve into her imagination and find beauty. "But those stories are the truth!" Francie explains about her work.

Because Francie has pretended to live in another part of Brooklyn to attend a better school her teacher has no idea of the reality of Francie's life. The teacher accuses Francie's stories of being sordid, and after looking the word up in the dictionary Francie bristles with anger. Francie tries to write according to her teacher's wishes, but getting an A for pretty stories based on lies was repulsive to her.

Francie's father dies, leaving her pregnant mother, who worked as a janitor, the sole support of the family. The description of Katie, hugely pregnant, on her hands and knees to scrub floors disturbs me. Francie and her brother, both recent grammar school graduates, proudly work to support the family.

Katie decides that Neely will go to high school in the fall and Francie continue working to support them. Francie excels in every job but watches her hope for education die. Eventually, she takes college-level classes without credit, marveling that her grandparents could not read and here she was in college.

I enjoyed rereading this book on so many levels. Although the novel is episodic and disjointed at points, I was compelled to keep reading. Many of the characters are 'stock' types, and yet Francie and her family elicited my emotional involvement. Our book club members remarked on the disturbing racial stereotypes.

It is amazing how much the world has changed in 100 years! Automobiles, eclectic lights, bobbed hair, voting rights for women, all came in during Francie's girlhood. It is also disturbing how little the world has changed in 100 years: Immigrants struggling to adjust to their new life, class prejudice and xenophobia, the challenge of obtaining an education, the struggle between honesty and integrity and acceptance continues.

MY BOOK

My copy of the book is the seventeenth edition and has a note, "this book is complete and unabridged in contents and is manufactured in strict conformity with Government regulations for saving paper, indicating it was produced during World War II.

There is a nameplate for Norma M. Farrell and written in ink the name Norma Schantz, 711 Ditman, Brooklyn 18, NY.

Add caption

So, of course, I had to search for Norma on Ancestry.com.

First I found her on Find A Grace Index. Norma Marie Schanz was born September 4, 1905, and died January 16, 1990, in Clearwater, FL. Norma was married to George Jacob Schanz, born March 21, 1907, and died September 23, 1963. They are buried at the Long Island National Cemetery in East Farmingdale, NY. George was a veteran whose service started May 6, 1943. He served as a Technician Fifth Grade in the Army.

Norma's father was Joseph E. Farrell, born in Chicago in 1872 and died in 1943. Her mother was Mary Leu, born in Ohio in 1879 and died in 1955. Joseph's parents were William, born 1822 in Ireland and died in 1902, and Annabell Roche, born in 1821 and died in 1874. Mary Leu's parents were Gottlieb Leu and Nanette Kander.

The census records show that Norma lived with her parents on a fruit farm near Kalamazoo. She appears on the 1910 and 1920 census as a girl. A 1919 Kalamazoo Rural Directory shows James and Marie living with children Annbelle, John, William, Norma, Ermond, Majoe and Uriel. James was a farmer and truck grower living in Oshtemo, located southwest of Kalamazoo. On the 1930 census, Norma appears working as a stenographer.

On August 2, 1930, Norma married Edward C. Rynbrand of Kalamazoo. Norma was a stenographer and Edward a shop clerk. Norma divorced Edward on May 10, 1935, for reasons of extreme and repeated cruelty. Edward then married Frances Hays.

In 1940 Norma appears (under her maiden name) living at home with her parents, along with a sibling and three nieces and nephews. She was a stenographer.

Norma and George Schanz were married September 18, 1945, in Kalamazoo, MI when Norma was 40 years old.

Georg Schanz's parents were Mary (or Marie) Weigele and Jacob Schanz, married April 20, 1901, in Richmond, NY.  George was born in 1905.

The 1910 census shows the Schanz family living on Broad Street in Richmond, NY where Jacob and Marie ran a bakery. The family appears on the 1915 Richmond, NYS Census with Jacob was a baker. His son George Jacob went by the name Jacob. They also had a daughter, Katy (Katherine).

In 1930 George lived with his mother Marie at 711 Ditman Ave. George worked as a chauffeur for a beverage company. Their property value was $9000.

The question is--how did Norma and George meet? In 1940 Norma was in Kalamazoo, and in 1945 she was married to George. George was from New York City and in the armed services. It's a mystery.

I loved how this book, which Norma received before her marriage to George, ended up in Brooklyn during Norma's early marriage.

Nancy's Sophomore Slump

Me, age 15

By Tenth Grade I felt like an 'old pro' at high school. The year was a heady journey of ups and downs. I went on my first date, studied journalism, saw the end of a friendship and the deepening of others. That spring, 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy were assassinated. A boy at school died. And Mom suffered a major health crisis that hospitalized her for weeks.

Me, fall 1967

I had taken Algebra in summer school so I could 'catch up' to my friends and take Geometry as a sophomore. I started out ok, but couldn't keep up and failed the class.

My geometry teacher Mr. Jacobson and I had a 'special' relationship. One day he said I was his favorite geometry student. "He kept bugging me and asked, "Who's your favorite geometry teacher?" That spring, when I was flunking the class, I told one of his honors geometry students to "kick Mr. Jacobson hello for me," and she did. She said he laughed and thought it was 'sweet of me' to remember him. When I came into class he told me, "I got your hello." I apologized, but he said, don't think of it, adding that he was "happy to fill my head with geometry."

About Journalism class I wrote, "Mr. Rosen's going to be a real peach of a teacher." I loved the class, even selling the Herald newspapers and Lancer yearbooks. I wrote, "Everything Mr. Rosen says sinks and goes deep into me. I looked through all my old Heralds and my Lancer.  I bet I’ve looked at my yearbook a million times."

I had Biology with Mr. Gasiorowski whose passion for his subject was infectious. What a great teacher and a great guy. He was a Chicago Cubs and Eddie Stankey fan.

When my dad brought home two rabbits in the spring I named them Eddie Stankey and Stanley Miller, a chemist Mr. G talked about who made amino acids in a test tube. My brother called the bunnies Spot and Snow.

Me with Edie Stankey and Stanley Miller

When Mr. G talked about Desmond Morris' book The Naked Ape I bought a copy. Mom picked it up to look at and was appalled by the description of the human body response during sex. I told her I had read more salacious things in her books which I had picked up and read!

In October my folks went to the Parent open house. I wrote, "Apparently Mom and Dad had a good time at open house tonight. They liked all my teachers, especially Mr. Rosen and Mr. Gasiorowski. Mr. R said, “I don’t know if any of the kids have been telling you what we’ve been doing..”
“Yeah!” Mom said.  “Two hundred sentences…”
“That was a while back.”
“Now you're doing verbs and photography.  She likes your class best, I think.”

Girl's Choir 1967-68. I am in the second row from bottom, fifth from the right.

I was thrilled to be promoted to Girl's Choir. We wore a navy blazer provided by the school. I felt really sharp wearing it to school on days we sang. I was always singing, walking home or through the school hallways. They were a great group of gals and I made many friends in choir. I enjoyed Mrs. Ballmer.

Gym was required for two years. My gym locker was near that of the 'Greaser' girl who had bullied me in junior high, taking my hat and throwing it. One day I was singing while dressing and she said, "She's singing. Are you singing for me?" I replied, "If you want me to." And so I sang the second alto part of the song we were learning in choir. Her friends listened, too. They said I was good. I was never picked on again. It was a confirmation of something I had believed when a girl: if a bad guy came along all I had to do was play the piano or sing to calm the wildness.

I was still pining for the same boy. I wrote, "Mom left me with no hope. But Dad did. He said, “Don’t give up.” He said anything—even a fumble—boosts a guy’s morale. Let’s hope so. Of course, he ought to know, being a guy himself—once."

My old neighbor and friend Mike D. who had moved away was now a freshman at Kimball. I was too shy to talk to him. One day he gathered his courage and asked if I was me and then asked if I remembered the telescope and Homer the Ghost. I didn't have the courage to let him know I really had liked him. Partly it was pride, as I was a year older, but mostly I was shy.

A boy from my homeroom teased me for a while then asked me out. We dated for a few weeks, going to a school dance. We were dancing to My Girl when he kissed me, my first kiss. He wanted to go steady. I liked him as a friend, but we had little in common and I broke it off.

My homeroom class, 10th Grade. I am in the second row, third from right.

I followed several friends and joined the Political Action Club.

I never cared about sports but went to the football games at school to see my friends. I did learn a little about football.

I was writing more poetry:

The sunlight from the window,
Formed a stream of light flowing into the room.
The light illuminated the particles of dust
Floating on the river of melted sun.
The slowly sinking silver moon
Abandoned its position in the heavens
Giving it up to the victor, the sun.
A rosy dawn slowly, silently
Took over the sky transforming
A midnight blue to rainbows.

I read Gone With The Wind and wrote, "I feel I know Scarlet and Gerald and Rhett and Melody and Ashley all personally. I suffer with them. They haunt me, through Rhett's asking Scarlet to be his mistress, through Ellen's death, through when Scarlet finds the Tarleton twins have died. War is horrible. The book is so much a love story, but also it gives an excellent picture of Southern life and a great background to the Civil War. I never knew that was like that."

Other books I read included Alfred Hitchcock's Stories Not for the Nervous; The Moonspinners; The Return of the Native and Tess of the D'Ubervilles by Thomas Hardy; Other Voices, Other Rooms by Truman Capote; J. D. Salinger's books; John Knowle's A Separate Peace; Green Mansions; The Foundation Trilogy by Issac Asimov; Kingsblood Royal; The Chosen by Chaim Potok; Anna Karenina; and Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein.

Tom and Dad playing at dining room table, Me and Mom.
No one else wore their hair that way. I always did something weird.

The fall began with the murder of a classmate's little brother in the Quickstead Woods near Kimball. Then my Grandfather Ramer was hospitalized after his first heart attack. One night some boys were trying to get the attention of the girls who lived across the street. Dad yelled at them to be quiet. They threw a beer bottle through my parent's second-floor bedroom window.

That October, listening to my records I wrote,

"Life is so baffling and unpredictable. It schemes, and you can only hope you’re on the right side of the conflicting forces and not on the overpowered side. It can cut you down like a scythe cuts the wheat. You fall at its mercy. It can be endless in every way as the stars. It can make you as exhausted as one lost in a pathless woods.

I won’t cry, no I won’t cry,
I won’t shed a tear
Not as long, not as long as you
Stand by me.

I feel so strange to feel so friendly
To say “good morning,” and really mean it,
To feel these changes happening in me,
But not to notice still I feel it.

"It’s all so strange. To say “good morning” and really mean it.  It makes me think.  Do they?  Does someone care, even if to say a “good morning?”  What is there left to say?  Is there something I’ve forgotten?  One person left blank?

“I can no longer keep my blind drawn,
And I can’t keep myself from talking.”

"But I notice, I feel it. What a strange effect a beautiful, overdubbed melody can have, creating a whole new emotion out of nowhere. Changing instantly how you feel. Maybe tomorrow I’ll know the answers. Maybe tomorrow I’ll know. I can only wait. And hope He will stand by me, as before."

At Christmas, our neighbors the McNabs joined my family for a turkey dinner. I played Christmas Carols on the piano and they sang along. Afterward, Grandma Ramer, Dad, my brother and me took a drive to see Christmas lights.

We ended up in Detroit. I wrote, "We saw Cobo Hall, Ford Auditorium, The Spirit of Detroit, Hudson's Christmas display windows. It began to snow, not much on the ground, but it does look beautiful to look out your window and see snow falling. Yes, we saw Detroit in all its glory, and the dark, back alleys that chill you to the bone. Not far from Grand Circus Blvd. and it's lighted stores, are broken-down tenements. But even there, in cracked windows, can be found a few colored lights, a lighted candle."

We spent New Year's Day in Tonawanda. I wrote, "Now I'm grown I can see people's personalities. Aunt Alice and Uncle Kenny, Skip, Tom Wilson. Skip says I can't marry until I'm 30--get an education. Uncle Ken is funny. Aunt Alice will have a baby in July. John [Kuhn] pities poor dad--"even your own daughter!"--because I pick on his big nose." I wrote that "Nancy Ensminger was impressed by my description of my life in Michigan." Sadly, Aunt Alice lost that baby.

In January I wrote, "I think the world's falling apart. Riots, wars, crime--dear God, I wish I lived on some obscure island in the Pacific or on an iceberg off Greenland. When will man find peace? Will he ever? We destroy all the beautiful things with ugliness. I wish I were a child again able to live in my own magical world and leave the rest up to the adults. But in this day and age, teenagers are caught up in it. Ever since I heard [a boy] talk about being drafted I've been scared for the boys I know. I hate war. Cutting down the nation's youth, without a chance, growing up too quickly."

The Herald, our school paper

On April 5, I wrote, "It happened again. Martin Luther King Jr's murder. Students wore black armbands, shaking their heads silently during Mr. Stephan's speech. They protested that the flag wasn't at half mast until the governor proclaimed it. They were emotionally upset. We all felt bad, and perhaps guilty for our race. We are the future who will deal with this problem. It's fortunate most felt compassion instead of victory."

On April 6, I wrote, "It seems we just all exploded happily over Hanoi's wanting a peace talk, and up, up, up went the stocks. LBJ had to stay and cancel his trip as riots broke out over King's murder and down, down, down went the stocks. I am convinced this country is a mess. Mr. Jacobson's been talking politics in class lately, and Mr. Burroughs is great on current events. I've learned a lot about him about Vietnam, stocks, the racial problem, and other problems of this Rat Race. Mr. Gasiorowski has been preparing us for sex, marriage, and other things about Adult Life and responsibilities. With Mr. Rosen we try to take this world and report all the latest facts on the Rat Race to the Rats themselves. So, in the end, you've gotta get involved. Mr. Gould tries to help your 'love life,' and Mrs. Ballmer helps you get enjoyment out of succeeding and working hard to get to the top. And Mrs. Dubois teaches teamwork. In school, they prepare you for Life."

On April 18, I went to Great Scott on Crooks Rd. with Mom to buy easy meals. Mom was going into the hospital for two weeks and I would be responsible for cooking, cleaning, and getting my brother up and to school. Every few years Mom would try another treatment for her psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis.

In May, my journalism class attended a conference for high school students held at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. We got press cards. My friends and I spent time wandering around town among the college students. I hoped to go to college, too. But I had not talked to my folks about it.

The photographer for the school newspaper and yearbook was the step-son of my Ninth Grade English Teacher, Mr. Botens. He would hang around our classroom, talking to Mr. Rosen. One time they were discussing how to photograph a person in a jar and they asked me to pose. I was wearing the Mod suit I'd bought with the money I found on my way to summer school. I liked Joe, but he was older and I thought he was too cool for me. My friend Dorothy knew him and one day we went to his house so she could return chemistry papers she had borrowed. In April she told me she asked him if he'd date me. She said he said he thought I was cute and would consider--it but he had a girl. That was bitter-sweet.

On May 15, 1968, I came to school and my friend Kathy gently broke the news that Joe had suffered a serious accident. I was stunned. At choir, my friend Peg told me Joe had died. The Girl's Choir sang Happy Birthday and I was offended, unwilling to have life go on in the midst of death. I grieved for days, recalling all my losses over the years. In the end, I decided, "So, follow his example, when he lived. Find the ambition and vigor he met life with. And die with the courage and determination he did, but only when it is time. Now you know death for what it is."

Newspaper articles on the death of Joe Botens

1969 Lancer tribute to Joe Botens

On June 5, I turned on the radio and heard that Robert Kennedy had been shot. One of my close friends was upset, saying her parents didn't understand. There was another school rally and the Principal gave another speech and a prayer for Kennedy's recovery. On June 6 I wrote, "I prayed as I fell asleep: Don't let him die, don't let him die."

October 1967 Free Press photo of RFK visit to Detroit

While Mom was at the hospital the doctors discovered that she was being harmed by the medications she was on and they took her off them, cold turkey. She became very ill, losing both weight and her hair. The family feared she would die. Dad came home from work, ate, and went to the hospital. I was not allowed to go. I stayed with my little brother.  It was an awful, stressful time.

The school year ended. The last day I walked home alone, for all my friends had left already. I was very blue. Summer of 1968 was the lowest point of my life.

The stress of Mom's illness showed in my family. I was falling into depression, moody and unhappy. My folks were short with me. There were fights. They did not understand that stress affects the whole family.

My Uncle Dave was in a horrible car accident in Annapolis. I went with the McNabs to see The Graduate. I traded bedrooms with my brother, making me nostalgic thinking about all I'd experienced while in that room. I went bike riding with my girlfriends. We saw the fireworks display at the Clawson park, just a block away from where I now live.

Mom was still not well when my July birthday came. Instead of a Sweet Sixteen party like my friends had, I was lucky to have a cake and a family gathering.

I struggled with the evil in the world, the loss of my naive belief in the innate goodness of all people. Now, I wondered if I wanted to live in such a world. I prayed to just die and then felt terror. I realized my terror was because I believed in God and feared that my prayer might be answered. I had at least accomplished one goal: I was on my way to a real faith.

One summer day I took my brother Tom and his friend Bruce McNab to show them my daily walk to Kimball. After Freshman year all I could think about was getting back to school. This summer I was nostalgic for simpler, happy days. One year had changed everything.

Bruce McNab and Tom Gochenour